When did I decide
That mine would be the face
Upon which you could grind your heel?
When did I become so complacent?
Have I always been like this?

Questions spin and swirl
Forming a vortex
To **** me into the darkness
With you

I do not want the destiny
You will never escape
I can not live within
The cage of your expectations, your needs

Let go your fascination
With my incarceration
Let me be free
Before I am you

The rising moon and setting sun share
A private dance in the magenta sky
Late in September, high abone the newborn river
Overgrown with ivy and nettles and other creeping things

The desert toads sing serenades to silence
The wren the rabbit, and the dove conduct a nervous waltz
Ever watchfull for the hawk and the owl, eager to cut in
The endless tango of life and death electrifies the air

On the hill, saguaros raise their arms to heaven
To worship the sun in their ancient ways
Bellow, by the river's edge a playful breeze
Sends bronze leaves to pirouette through fairy corridors.

Tall trees take root about the timid estuary
Enwrapped by sun baked stone and wreathed by mountains
The desert and the river
Dance together in the sweet autumn air.

The name of a girl
I used to know
Is sitting on the tip of my tongue

I dare not speak it
And if I did
She would never hear

She has  gone to some place God knows where
And  for whatever reason
He never tells me these things

Nero aint got nothin on us.
He may have danced while his city burned,
Well we shoot off fireworks, mere blocks from
towers of fire, and shout
in celebration of banal and fruitless

triviality

Turning in shame and fear
from the looming future
collector of debts
Thinking in vain
To shun he who comes for all.

Revel in bread and circuses,
the wild mad show, such fun to behold.
And pay no mind to the gunfire.

Here I sit, content to watch.

A silent witness to the death of another year.

The dance goes on, the dancers proceeding in pairs.

Yet again I have been missed,

And left alone to my own devices.

No more skilled in their operations

Perhaps a little less so.

My pen is out of practice,

my mind a rusty tool.

My soul, so young, should not yet tire of its labours.

But "should" does not, can not hold sway upon reality

And the reality is I am tired.

I feel that I fall for
More than I stand for
That's not gonna fly and therefore
I can't join the air force
Killing time
and showing no remorse
allowing life to take its natural course
Of course I failed to see
that effort is the source of sorcery
involved in letting life take form

My real eyes see lies
like mr shakur said
stillI see no changes,
but mr shakur's dead
so many thoughts go running through my head
dreams of people qouting rhymes that I said

When I'm dead
Bury my beside my book of rhymes
so I can write these clever little lines
for all of time

Don't shed
a single tear for me
instead please learn to see
the world for what it is
not what it appears to be
I do this all for free
just to spread some positivity
Cause I believe that positive can live
for all eternity
if we can learn to be
the  living form
of poetry

flowing like a river to the ocean
my emotions stream
from me to you so let me say in closing
That I hope they help
to lift your load and let you shed your loathing.

Please don’t just play with me, my paper heart will bleed
But when I bleed, it waters the seeds so
Deep within my soul, I see the trees grow,
Cultivating my strength, learning to breathe slow
But the pain is too much, So I ask you please go,
Don’t cry Don’t ask Why I don’t, I don’t know
But I guess that this is just me, watching the wind blow

Wait no,

I change my mind, Don’t leave
I feel like a tree in the fall, I can’t breathe,
So I sleep, because I can’t feed,
The Trees inside my soul that support me
need you, why Could I not see
That without you there simply is no me

I know I was wrong, and I don’t have the right
To ask you to follow along with my sight
As I write words to make love burn bright
To bring back the spring, bathe the trees in new light

Walk with me through the garden again
See me as both lover and friend
The end is over the beginning is ahead
Just on the other side of the last time I said.

Please, please don’t leave me

Because I always say that I don’t need you
It’s a paper shield and see through
Please look past it I beseech you,
I want you to be the one I bleed to.
Life in pain, in your veins like a needle
And you’re my drug of choice, I need to feel you.

But Now I see the past is past
That no good thing is made to last
The future is the shadow that our actions cast
Let the sands of time bury memories of you
As hours pass, A piece of me is trapped inside the hourglass.

Because I’m so sick of love songs, so sad and slow, so why can’t I turn off my radio

Because the truth is I can’t I’m trapped in a cage
The chapter has ended I can’t turn the page,
Passion inside slowly turning to rage
Pacing directionless, trapped in the maze,

You’re the song I never got off of my mind
I wish sometimes that could rewind time
And go back to sublime, Lazy days together reclined
Eyes to the skies like the stars were road signs
That would point our way to the future we designed
And couldn’t see was still so ill defined.

But now I’m letting go
Though I feel lost, like I’m trapped in deep snow
I see the time has come at last so time so
I’m turning off the radio.

In little coffeeshops
By the back corner, far from the exits
But near the little hall leading to the bathroom
At a time set by a large window
The poet, his soul filled with words and reasons to say them
But unsure how to convey them
Can observe the nerves and synapses
Converging in this single axis
The windowside throne, the great looking glass
Provides a view of every soul to pass

Through the door to the core of any good café
The front register
Where they serve the junkies
Their first no cream no sugar fix of the day
The register ******* this sunrise shift stands tall and wears
A pleasant smile
Like a suit of armor
For the fractures frayed and loosened pieces
Of her 65 hours a week between two jobs psyche

From his back corner vantage point
The poet sees this early morning warrior
And watches her adversaries approach
The sleep deprived and the caffeine dependent
The men in suits with leather briefcases
Hustling and bustling through self inflicted exhaustion
Work force revenants who begin to shamble through the door
Out of the early morning mists at about 5:30
just as the world is shrugging of the shroud of night

In his seat of power, the poet, lord of the room
Can see, despite the dim lights of the coffeeshop
These early birds, gaunt and hungry like vultures
Standing shoulder to shoulder with the last of the night owls
Shabby old things with ruffled feathers
Too tired to sleep or simply without a roost.
Their re rimmed eyes provide a window
Through which a sovereign of the word
May glance upon their tired souls

Yes from that lovely back corner
The poet is a king, a lord in noble regality
Reshaping reality
Sitting in the back of any coffee shop
In Phoenix Arizona
In America
In the world
In this whole great evergrowing span of universe
And turning people into words.

The teddy bear has a dead eyed  glare
And the boogie man is in his lair

Beneath your bed beneath your stairs
Beneath your skin you feel him there
Stalking you
From the mirrors he’s mocking you

Haunting you. wanting to
Make it all end, you know how that feels
But the voices in your head are screaming its real

When I was young I would watch the shadows on the walls
With claws and horns the danced around the halls

I’m older now , past twenty, yet can’t find
A way to end the plight and fight
The monsters in my mind

I saw the sun today, shining warm and bright like the smiling eye of god
It peaked in on me through my curtains
before I had even forgotten my dreams
Outside the air filled my lungs
And the sky was clear and crystal blue
All around me I could see the people
Talking
Moving
Imagining
Real live people
Some of them are even friends of mine,
People I know, who live in the world with me
They say life is unkind to people like me
But I say it is kinder
So if I become silent and thoughtful when you say
“I’ve had a bad day,”
Fear not
I am just reminding myself there is no such thing.

I left Barnes and Noble in tears
when the words swam through the in store speakers
through my ears,
into my skull
to my heart, and opened
the box in my soul labeled
Things I never told my dad before he left.
I was with him at the last bus stop
There in that cozy white room where
All that was left was to wait.
If I closed my eyes
I could imagine the sound of
An idling engine waiting
I could almost see
An impatient  agelict cabbie
Fussing over the meter.
I don’t know suzzane
Nor what plans put an end to her,
But I know what it means
To hide in the hulking fuselage
Of the dream you thought
Would fly you to where
you wanted to be.
And I know how it feels
When the veil is taken down
And you think of
all the times
You didn’t say
I love you.

On the shore of this moment, looking out to the sea of eternity
I saw two stars fall, and land glimmering at my feet
My legs ache from the shackles on my legs that you never took off
But even so I am climbing you ivory towers
Clutching the stars in my hands
Through twisting corridors of scorn and praise
I am Perseus in your labyrinth
But you are no Minotaur, but the girl I love
I am not here to hurt you
I want to return the stars that fell from your eyes
So you can see me like you used to.

It was a time of mad irreverence, of lawless bedlam
When the shackles which bound our restless souls
To the tiny wooden cells
where we worked on the arithmetic  chain gang
watched by the warden of words and numbers,
she who ruled that house of order with an iron fist and a wooden ruler
were  stuck off, and lost all hold on us

It was freedom, and it burnt hot and wild in our veins,
the heat perhaps intensified
by the sweltering oven the sun made of every inch of unshaded ground
In the feverish, mad world of summer, we were kings
We ruled, and laughed at those who would rule us
Foolish, reckless dangerous, unstoppable, crazy, free,
Young

Untamed,  shameless, we ran in droves
And the clamoring, thunderous roar of laden pickups
Music and laughter spilling out of the windows
Seats stuffed full of hormones and hedonism
Dominated every lonesome dirt road in all of Arizona
We drank and smoked and swam in a sea of uninhibited adolescence
And then it was over, and we went back to our chains.

Waiting, ever waiting
The young wait for their life to begin
Until they get old and wait to die

Waiting, ever waiting
Watch the bus pulling away,
And count the seconds as they run away towards infinity
Watch the clock pick your pocket like a vulture picks a corpse
Waste your time dreaming
Waste yourself drinking
Live your life a slave to a screen and a victim to the clock

Waiting, ever waiting
Wait your days away, and tell yourself the time will come
Watch the time come and go, through the ever revolving door
Someday, tomorrow, in a week, fooling yourself with broken promises
Until one day the hospital heart monitor delivers your final deadline

Time’s up.

I saw him in the fields as a boy
And he was smiling
Such a tender youth and full of love
For every living thing great and small

The sheep were all around him
And each he fed out of hand
One by one, smiling at his flock
With eyes full of love
And a heart ever giving


I saw him in the market square
And he was smiling
The great teacher
And all those who follow him

The people did flock to see him
And he spoke to them and told stories
He taught the masses, young and old
I saw the shepherd king
When jesus of Nazereth came to market

I saw him in his chains
Lead through the town bruised and ******
Lead by roman jailors toward death
While all around the crowd was in turmoil

He never cried out, nor begged for life
He never moaned, never complained
Even when the raised him up, and nailed him to the cross
His only words were a dying prayer
He was smiling.

To be alone is not so tragic,
to be alone, and yet at peace is magic
but oh to be alone with you
That my love is magic meant for two,
For in this life are many troubles,
we both have more than just a few
but when I see the love that lies behind your eyes
My troubles fade from view
And my world is born anew.

Gather round
Perk up your ears
And I will tell you a story
I will kidnap your soul
Enslave your senses
My voice shall keep you rooted to your seat
And yet take you far away
To the highest tower of the darkest castle
Five stars right of neverland
Where dragons wait in golden caves
And knights with magic swords come to slay them

Gather round, gather round and hear the tale
Let my voice fill the sails
Of the ship that sets sail
For fantasia, far fantasia
Where prismacolor skies hang
Above the island hideaways of pirates
And the air will fill your lungs with fire
Fly away with me on the leather wings of a mighty wyvern
To the halls of Morpheus
Where dreams to shift and change and form
Where light and air and all things do bow to the king of stories

Come with me on a journey beyond the veil of time
To the place where they catch stars in silvery nets
And keep them in little jars to light the way
Gather round every one, as we begin our journey with a single step
A step called
Once upon a  time…

I am lost at sea. I have finally gone too far,
And lost sight of shore
The land is swallowed
And the sea reins
The shore cannot be defeated
And so the beach returns for all times
Alone between them the line is immortal

In a painted sky upon a summer day
or in the darkness of a ponderosa grove
in a barren river bed where at rest I lay
in a stony cave, that secluded alcove

Something there is hiding from my sight
something bright which is to me most dear
which shines with an unending effervescent light
and in the endless night it whispers in my ear

Whether it be in the woods, or in some desert bare
or in some other place I haven't thought to look
I know someday I share behold it shining there
and capture it between the pages of a book.

Remember me
Hold me in your mind’s eye, years from now
When I am far away from you,
And your days are full of other thoughts
Other faces,
Keep some small piece of me with you.
My voice,
My eyes,
The look on my face when we first met
I am sending this plea
To every person I have known,
Be it for a moment or a life time
Keep me in your mind
Keep me in your heart.
Keep me alive
Rember me
For I am so afraid to die

My mind is adrift

Waves of 3 am Lap at the shore of an isthmus called psyche

There between the seas of reality and dreams

Three shots deep and diving,

I drown my better judgement in a pool of fireball

Music blares, but the words melt as I listen

White noise in a black night,

One more drink,

One more drink

The fire in my throat is burning

Like the fire that purifies the gold

The old verses ring in my head,

And the pastor spits a sermon over dr dre’s beats,

A prayer in the dark murmurs through drunken lips,

And then at last track ends, the priest descends from the pulpit

In the deafening silence, I leave my drink on the desk, still not empty

I stumble my way to my oblivion

And pull the covers up to my neck.

Now I lay me down to sleep

And languid waves wash me out to sea without a shore

The nightly giliad of a lonely druckard

Sipping steel in an empty room,

And talking to the voices in my head

Lost on a road with no lines

Lost hold of the iron rod and see no signs

To guide me on my way

And so I float away on a magic carpet

Seeks the genie in that bottle with only one wish

The only one it can grant me.

I beheld you once, oh deceitful goddess, blessed passion’s blight
You were dancing, splendid Ishtar, whose wiles no man may evade
Who’s burning eyes, those entrancing pools of gold, can set men’s souls alight
At who’s dainty feet, to her uncouth delight, the blacken corpse is laid

And I, being no mighty atlas, was swayed by your intoxicating dance
I was caught and bound, to one whose beguiling eyes to me were as a snare
And though it was she, my mortal love, not you, who held me in a trance
I was you, oh Aphrodite, with your amorous charms, that lead me there!

Surely, you foul siren, whose voice does strand the sailor out at sea
Do not as well bring love and solace to some unhappy soul?
Tell me, who brings true love, Aphrodite?
Or are you two as faces on a coin, disparate yet together whole?

An endless pasture spills out into the horizon,
Like the limitless expanse of the ocean
I can see the ships
Who raise sail on this sea of grass.

Floating gently on a sage-scented breeze
With sails full of thunder
The flotilla of storm clouds ever closer
To the place where I lie on my back
Listening to the crickets flee

My mid is adrift, caught up in the riptide of the moment
Lost to the waves of rain sweeping over me
I send no message in a bottle
I smile as the rain comes down
Content to be
Lost at sea

The rain against my window whispers wistfully in my ear
Telling me the sweet, simple story of a river yet unborn
A cool breeze in the misty morn
I hear the grass growing to the pitter patter beat
As the drops drum on the pane
And in that ringing melody
I hear the rainstorm sing to me
Of a rainbow soon to be,

Sing for me so soft and sweet
A song to hold inside

Until the next time we two meet
And as one abide

Walk with me a while now
And let me hold your hand

Please know I will return somehow
And walk with you again

Stand by me forevermore
And when we two must part

Wait for me by celestial shore
and hold me in your heart.

It stretches out before me.
Crystal blue  and shining like silver
The lake so clear and blue.
From the high hill I can see it
A huge and unknowable expanse,
So very like the sky it mirrors.
Clouds float through deep blue water,
Moving over the surface like the slender water gliders
Sliding across some tiny puddle.
Through which I so carelessly tread.

What glorious things,
What magics of the universe,
Have I so pointlessly destroyed?
Trampled underfoot like some unknowing goliath
Even while some small, enthralled viewer,
Did revel in it, as now I revel in clouds upon the lake?

For in the eye of a passing ant,
Is not the sight of watergilders on a puddle,
So small to our eye.
Not as grand as the vista I now see?

Pins and needles sinking deep into soft skin



Every word, every harsh muttering pushes a little deeper.



I bleed, and scream in agony,



But my injury is nothing you can see,



Buried deep inside of me.



My tortured form is from without unhurt,



And so my pain continues unabated,



And I go unaided for now and for all times.



For none will ever see what she is,



Or what she does to me,



And if they do they shut their eyes.



She weaves a pretty web of how I am the villain,



Such a pretty tapestry of lies.



And still I am the one who bleeds,



I scream within myself,



But all the others turn and comfort her,



And do not hear my cries.

The sky is red as are the trees,
standing tall and all around
Whose ochre leaves stir in the breeze,
in the wood just out of town.

I see the sun is sinking low,
and soon I must be home,
for beneath the darkened bough
No man may safely roam.

The autumn wood is full of fear,
To those who know it not,
They fear the wolf, they fear the bear,
And wonder why I do not.

I am undaunted by the bear,
For in his cave he sleeps.
When baleful howls cut through the air,
Silently away I creep.

For fear of something you don’t know
Can leave you truly dead,
So from autumn wood with hunter’s bow,
I draw my daily bread.

When winter’s wind is in their bones,
They’ll eat what I have brought them,
What I caught in here in the woods,
Of the waning autumn.

When no longer can I stand the way
Things stay the same day after day
I take up a pen, and fly away.

Borne on Dragon's wings with haste
Off to see some splendid place
Out of time, out of space.

It is here my heart resides,
In a world my dream provides
No matter where I may reside.

So when I find humanity
Has robbed me of my sanity
I indulge this vanity

This skill of mine to leave the frey
To build myself a brighter day
A way, in short, to fly away.

The stars look down from high above,

The wind blows soft and free,

Everything that's here belongs.

Everything but me.

I am from the world of man,

In that world I was born,

But now I journey o're this land,

I was, at first, forlorn.

The first night was a horror

The sounds chased sleep away,

But now each night I tire,

I rest easy where I lay.

The world of man is where I fit,

But never was it home.

Now I am a happy outcast,

Glad to live alone.

For as I lie so out of place,

I cast my eyes about,

And see that I have everything,

I can't get by without.

There is no noise, there is no smog

No buildings, and no cars,

No shouts, nor stinking fog,

But water flows, beasts come to drink,

And I'm watch o're by the stars.

How long ago were you lost in the snow

How many years has it been?

How did it feel when your blood ceased to flow,

When the last of it froze in the vein?

Tell me dear brother, did you die in fear,

When the ice wind would howl in the night,

Or did you believe you would soon return here,

And that soon all would once more be right.

Tell me, how long were you lost in the snow,

Alone and without any friend,

Tell me how long it has been since I prayed,

That soon you would come home again.

It's 3 am and the gremlins are back again
Whispering in my ear without voices
tapping at my skull wit fingers they do not have.

Silently they complain and chide me, insistent and loud, yet incessantly soundless.
In my mind their wordless cry echoes and reverberates always the same.
They scream for ink and letters like wrathful Aztec gods craving fresh heartsblood

I hear some writers have a muse,
An elegant, gentle guide to lead them through the creative process.
I have my gremlins.

Small and clever, my gremlins are ever restless.
Forever they claw and pull at me.
Impatient, impetuous, never still.
They cry out to me, their demands the same as ever.
In one voice, and that one which makes no sound.
With their single silent scream they all shout...
WRITE THIS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over the sky and beyond the stars
Out past Jupiter, Out past Mars

Beyond the grasp of human mind
There is a realm, though ill defined

No borders between countries lay
No paths are there to show the way.

In this world there is no time
To life here there is no rhyme

However wonders do abound
In this world suffused with sound

The sounds of silence shake the air
And music is not half so fair

Here there are the glades and dells
Where the mighty dragon dwells

Here the forest never ends,
but deserts lie beyond the bends

This world beyond the second star
Must seem to you so very far

It isn't so, its rather near
And all may go there without fear

For full of terrors as it seems
They can not harm you in your dreams.

The world turns, and you keep walking, just keep moving forward.
You think maybe you used to know why you kept moving,
but that was long ago.

Now you only do it, because that's all you know,
The world never changes, never stop or slows,
But that's ok, you're comfortable.
This is what you know.

Then one day it's not, you see a light ahead.
A tiny shining spot,
a fire left unfed.
A destination, something to strive for. A reason.
Something long forgotten, now again within your reach.

And so you chase it,
can't erase it, can't embrace it, capture it
It keeps escaping keeps evading, leaving holes in you
Huge and gaping,
bleeding, hurting, never dying, never quitting, though you'r crying,

Never giving up, giving in,slowing down,
until you win
the prize in your eyes,
That light that you see, the person who waits for you,
If you believe,
That if you keep walking as always you may,
be with that person on some distant day.

And then you catch them.
You catch up, you slow down, you take it in.
And now what?
No one can say, perhaps they move on,
and are long gone,
leave you behind but stay in your mind,
Leave a pain in your veins, in your very soul,
or maybe they stay,
and together you two are whole.

Then, there is only one thing to do.
Keep moving forward.
Together.

All I know I have learned from anime.

I have learned that intelligent high schoolers and unbelievable power sources should be kept far apart,

That there is a harem out there for everyone,

That ***** are the ultimate source of power in the universe,

and that nothing in all the world can not be improved by the addition of giant robots.

I have discovered that studio gainax has a huge stockpile of LSD, and that I must discover its location.

I have learned that Makoto Shinkai loves the taste of your tears,

and that Satonshi Kon is the thing the boogie man checks under his bed for.

But most of I have learned that you should always take that swing,

That if you stand strong you can pierce the heavens,

That if you stand together with those who mean the most to you, you will never be defeated,

And that true love can span the galaxies, knows no boundaries, and never dies.

Otaku forever.

I take a pen

I cut my wrists and bleed

My life flows onto the page

Bright red, so terribly wonderful

The mountainous peaks and unending vales of my pysche

Stretch out in a flowing river of ink

Of blood

Of my immortal soul

Of me.

I paint the portrait with hues that can not be seen

And sing with the silent voice of trees that have since been felled.

I pull you in, I take you down

I want you to drown in an ocean of ink and paper,

To become lost in the borderless forests cultivated within my mind

I want to pull you into my skull,

So you can see me how I truly am.

I want you to know how truly alive I am.

Music springs from my fingers, meandering melodies take form

Morose meanings manifest, manipulating the masses.

My meaning is hidden , mirrors obscure my message.

Maybe there is no truth, the message is a mirage.

Mystifying miasma clouds my mentality

Megalomania, morphs music form within

Meaning goes missing, lost in the endless white noise.

I hear the drums and feel the beat,
I cannot help but move my feet.

There beside the ocean blue,
she dances to the music, too.

The drums pound on, and she comes near,
soon her heartbeat I can hear.

The island breeze all through the night,
works magic with the firelight.

Now inside me there is flame,
and it is then I ask her name.

She smiled then but did not answer,
the mysterious and lovely dancer.

We danced until the night was through,
And once more I asked her
Who are you.

She smiled then, and turned away,
and I've not seen her since that day.

But sometimes, under darkened skies,
I recall the fire in her eyes.

I want to live where the air is pure and clean.
Visions of Colorado wash over me, green and pure.
A good life, amidst the trees and the family I love.
What a beautiful dream.

Visions of Colorado wash over me, green and pure.
When I wake I am in Arizona, arid, dry, and brown.
What a beautiful dream.
I need an escape from this place.

When I wake I am in Arizona, arid, dry and brown.
I am leaving today.
I need an escape from this place.
The cool mountain breezes call to me.

I am leaving today.
I promise myself someday this will be my home forevermore.
The cool mountain breezes call to me.
A cabin by a stream will be my home here.

I want to live where the air is pure and clean.
I promise myself someday Colorado will be my home forevermore.
Living simply in a cabin by a stream.
What a beautiful dream.

The city tosses, turns, and finally rises,
Surrendering to daylight and giving itself over
to the bustling movements of its citizens.
At the crosswalk, an old codger in  rags holds a panhandling sign,

And nearby a bearded hippy plays guitar.
The sound of beggars, musicians, bored businessmen,
And all the teaming masses drift through back alleys,
And float through the air like the heady perfume of car exhaust.

Each street, each block, each break in the never-ending flow of man’s own personal jungle.
Brings to mind stepping into a whole other world.
Here, in one such strange nexus, a building likened to a castle,
Stares across a narrow stretch of road at an abandoned building,
Cracked broken and peeling, tattooed with graffiti from a hundred vagabond artists.
It conjoins directly to a new building,
the fresh, well maintained walls of which offer striking contrast.

The confused, confounding nature of the true jungle is in this manmade facsimile
More well reflected than anywhere else in the world.
The muggy air rings with life, the heat is stifling,
And for all that it has a strong allure.
This city, and all cities.
For in every corner, at every street, life bleeds from a city.
It grows from the crack like a flowering ****,
And in truth,
Is a flower born in the streets of a city, atop the stem of a dandelion
Any less a flower than a rose from the heart in the woodland?
To me, that a flower could be so brazen, so proudly out of place,
Makes it all the more a thing of beauty.