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John Bartholomew Aug 2018
Sometimes in life you don't know what you have got,
That one thing that can just drag you from that spot

A saviour, a God send, a Knight in shining armour,
Somebody who you would die for and not let a soul harm her

On a personal note I've been down some dark and troublesome roads,
But she has always been there through thick and thin to share this cumbersome load

A battler, a fighter, you wouldn't get on the wrong side of her,
She'd rinse you, she'd mince you, no matter lady or Sir

For she has always been by my side and she is everything to me,
Deirdra is her name but she'll always be,

My Dee

JJB
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." - Emma Bombeck

"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous

"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife." - Prince Phillip
My time is at a finish,
I need it to be up
From always half full,
to a drained, now empty cup
If water be blood,
mine has evaporated away
Those urges don't flow,
for that quick roll in the hay
Stagnant, stale, sat rotting like bread
I have cried my last tears,
no more can be said
But please remember those times,
when we laughed and we played
For we did have some great times,
back in the day
But when fate can no longer be swayed
Then think of my peace,
as now,
I will forever stay

Thank You

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2022
If you want to be with me then you got to feel with me
Take a step sideways and view it from another place
Because this road ain't no yes man take
This is a ride called dare to dream
A different scheme
Some place where we just have to escape
Eat our lives on the go and not from the everyday plate
Think outside that box, that one woven by the grey man
Wear a different suit,  a flat cap and be the man that, that, that
Those arms don't have to be made of tweed
Just throw caution to those winds and dabble with some
We'd all like to tell the boss to scarper, that's it, I'm off
When in reality we all drink and feed from the same corporate trough
But my kind of people do still exist
Its making that step, that push, that that that
That one last final treacherous walk
To see if you do talk the talk
To pop champagne with a bursting cork
To **** that ex boss with a burning fork and say,
You're my kinda people

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2018
Who to trust and to who make that pledge
Who to be with forever and who just keeps you on edge
That one life partner who will be forever more
Go through the list, one, two, three then four

Someone that you can trust and who's heart you can openly pour
Or the misgivings of a traitor who's vengeance will leave you wholly sore

Take a bite of the cake and a trust you devour, as a couple you now feel that power
Times journey slips into a well of decay, leaving that taste, that is now, oh so sour

You meet many on the way, they come and slip away, but onto whom do you now hold
6 months here, a couple of years there, like most friendships they one day fold

As I sit here in the sun, thoughts of times that I have run, I'd say these tree's hold some great memories
Best left to ponder on my own, where arguments cannot be grown,
As I am my own best company,

JJB
Yes, I guess you could say I am a loner, but I feel more lonely in a crowded room with boring people than I feel on my own - Henry Rollins

I don't know people can fake whole relationships. I can't even fake a hello to somebody I don't like! - Anon
John Bartholomew Feb 2024
I will walk to the beat of my own drum
If you want me there then I'll probably come 
Having a mind that is no better than yours
I will do my own thing not the tourist tours
I'll turn right when the crowd turns left
Probably for the wrong but I know what is best
I'll have a hairstyle thats always been on trend
As you'll have whats cooking and to never ever offend
They'll all have a starter but I'll wait until desert
Drink until I'm stupid and fall headfirst in the dirt
But I'd rather sit back and watch the world go by
Shorts on with my flip-flops, sod the shirt and tie
Just lounging in the sun whilst I top up my golden tan
Because I am me and you be you,
as I'll always be,

My Own Man

JJB
John Bartholomew Aug 2024
Sometimes I don't think she'll ever know, how much I really love her
The toil, the troubles, the mess I unravel, yet still, she is amazing,
I must concur
Her attention, and not to mention, her time always spent on,
Making sure that all must go well
The lump that I am, she could have thrown in the can, but stayed to make sure I survived
As the big day grew closer, I'm so glad that I chose her, to be my wife and today my bride
For we've been through so much together, and it's certainly been some life
I'm so glad I can say that you are my one,
my only,
My wife
❤️

Thank you Dee X
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
To be called a name is not a nice thing at all
Labelled, branded, be called derogatory by a person who's views are usually quite candid
It plays on the mind for these answers you can't find and can leave a man almost lost
You fought, you battled, laughed off the daily crap and got back in the saddle
But these words have left you thinking and now slightly rattled
I've worked, took the flack, done some things wrong and gotten the sack
It's a part of life, the everyday strife, knowing where to put your foot next
And then it's read online, a social media site, your name downtrodden in text
Not all know it's meaning, but words can harm feelings, towards a person you've always admired
Life has it's negatives, for sometimes they cannot miss, a soul who used to inspire
So maybe that was it, a dig in midst,
were they drunk whilst typing this abuse and to cause a small personality bruise
It'll fade, a forgotten quip, but nobody likes to be seen as a man just out to use.

Named

JJB
There are two types of humans in this world: those who function so they can get something and those who function so they can give something - Sarah Noffke
John Bartholomew Mar 2021
I don't think I have ever been 'normal'
One that ticks every box
Ever so pleasant and formal
But who does walk this never trodden line?
One so boring it'll never be remembered in time
As I like the path that ridicules and perceives
That man they always talk about,
A legend like Jimmy Greaves
Don't tow the line to just fit in like the rest
Be extravagant
Be that jealous talent
Be the ****** best

JJB
Do you want to do more or be more? -
Frank Sonnenberg
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
Ideas
So many ideas
Stemmed from the root of my brain
Many can be pretty boring but some are **** insane
A spiders web without any pattern
Some as small as Mercury but could be as big as Saturn
Life has no pattern on whom you may meet
From walking one day to being sat in this seat
But where do I start with a thought oh so new
There is no God I can trust to speak words that are true
It's just a stroke of luck as to what direction
No rota can guide you with a choice or right rotation
It's always down to the person who has the next best thought
For this life and its guidance is something that can never be taught

JJB
A mountain could not move this man
Whether building a house or catching a tan
Adventures that never seem to fail
From travelling the world,
or installing a school sign in braille
Brushing his hand through that ruffled brown hair
One objective in life, to love and to care
From Julia Kendall onto Billy Byrne
His laugh and his frolics
They all get their turn
But only one man could make me feel this whole
It's him,
The one
The only,
The God that is,
Nick Knowles

JJB

🔨🔧🪚🪛🔩

😉
John Bartholomew Sep 2020
A number
Just too short for a double
Back on the wing at White Hart Lane
To sort out any imposing trouble
Lucky for some
Depending on what and why
The time for weekend breakfast
How'd you like your eggs, scrambled, poached or fried?
It doesnt just fit on anyones new shirt
A Welsh genuis on the ball, he'll leave you in a blizzard
All hale our returning son
Lets just say we have him home, our little pocket wizzard
Feeds the ball to Kane and Son
Every pass is on a plate
Takes the ball from the sky
Like a fish devouring it's bait
He runs like the wind passed attacking foe
Knowing he's got it nailed
For he is the one,
The only,
Yes,
He is,

Gareth Bale

#No.9

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2018
A flitter, a flutter, whats a few quid on a bet
the folly broke its leg on that run, better call that final vet
much like the creature that ran its last race
there are certain things in this life that I cannot face

Her high pitched scream of a laugh is almost a squeal
such a pretty face but her mannerisms and depth I cannot deal
I laughed, tagged along, at first it all seemed so great
but it ends up so weary, solemn yet teary, its day has had its final fate

She had her ups, I had my downs, to be away was my final curtain
had to leave the house, crept to the bookies like a sneaky woodlouse, that divorce was almost certain
but I prefer a bet to her hair, and to always be there, hold the phone, there's a tip at the 3:30 in Ripon
my friends said I must be mad, to leave that beauty, oh so bad, well yes, I must be ****** trippin

But that's life i'm afraid, we all have plans that must be laid, some leading wholly in the wrong direction
she's with some other man now, almost the size of a baby cow, I'm sure their bubba will be perfection

So the bookies it still calls, if its horses to Saturdays goals, those dice will always for me be thrown
for it is what it is, a life as a quiz, what will tomorrow bring, as it really is,

nobody's fault but my own

JJB
Eat your betting money but don't bet your eating money - Anon

The best throw of the dice is to throw them away. –Unknown

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. –Kin Hubbard

A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It's usually three or more times. –Terrence "VP Pappy" Murphy

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. –Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

You know, horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people. –Will Rogers
John Bartholomew Feb 2021
I know I'm a nice bloke but we all have our faults
I talk a good talk but need to tighten a few bolts
We slap on some make up to cover our flaws
But being a gentleman I'd still hold open your door
I can't afford the Caribbean so it's a caravan in Wales
We can get drunk in the local pub and listen the locals tales
I'd rather stick with my mates than the hoi polloi set
Hey, that's just my choice,
Nobody's perfect

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2019
Trying to keep up with the leading man
Doing everything he does
Seems he's covered the World in his 30 year life span
Comes in everyday even with a stinking cold
He laughs,
He jokes
I haven't met his wife but no doubt stunning with looks so bold
But don't think that that's the man you have to be
We all live our different lives as,
We don't all fall from the same enchanted tree
So what if your not so tall and have the odd spot on your face
It's what makes up the world,
As we all come from a different place
Difference is the exact medium that makes this life a blast
If we all had the same dumb thoughts then,
all our hot dogs would be filled with Bratwurst!

Nobody's Perfect

JJB
School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, so why practice? - Billie Joe Armstrong

Stop hating on yourself for not being perfect. If God wanted perfection, He would have made you an angel.

Nobody is perfect, so get over the fear of being or doing everything perfectly. Besides perfect is boring. - Jillian Michaels
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
Lonely on a summers night at home
A touch, a laugh, sick of being alone 
No number to fill this space on his mobile phone
That card he found on the bench in the park
A random direction as throwing a picked up stone

Working every hour that this God sends 
A TV life has it's perfection, everybody has a friend
Maybe it's authors have yet to meet a man like me 
A life yet to comprehend 
She sounds nice on the call but that's how it's supposed to be
The perfect girl would never just fall from the nearest tree

Money in the wall for a stack of our queens head
Cash only my love for these knickers on the floor and 10 minutes in your bed
Life has it's imperfection and for these he's sometimes flawed
But your only here once and a long time dead, 6 feet under this grassy worm ridden floor,

But hey,

Nobody's perfect


JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2018
First day on the job, an apprentice with no clue
Put with some old boy, Norman Collins his name
been plumbing everywhere, from Watford to Timbuktu

Picked me up in his Vauxhall Belmont, a fading sun caught red
telling me tales of his dinner, roadkill on the hob
His wife cooked him these meals, I think he must be mad

Driving out in the sticks, a job for a pal, over near the village of Sarrett
A blob in the road, dead pigeon or badger, well he's not eating that
would have been different if it were something else he said, as he actually fancied a bit of rabbit

I didn't realise what a good bloke he was until a few days with this old codger
My main boss was a grumpy sod, never paid me till he had some
Looking back now, I miss that man, who told me tales of old times and tomfoolery

I used to be a wrestler young John, back in the days of the local funfair
Took on any Herbert who thought he was keen, and showed them the tent exit
From **** McManus to Jackie Pallo, bring them on son, I didn't really care

He locked me in a toilet one day, inside somebody’s house
Let me out I cried, for a good 4 hours, he ignored my every shout
For he couldn’t care less and that’s what I miss, a soul who just larked about

For they seem dead in this day and age where everything is done by the book
Don’t upset the man over there, do you know who he is, he’s the King and you’re just a Rook
As they don’t seem to exist anymore, these men who walk on Gods seven sins
Have a laugh, have joke, as life’s too short
I miss old Norman Collins

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2024
That day you become old news
Just a piece of the puzzle
A chain in their queue
That love that now has no requirement
Just a kiss on the cheek
Time to pull Eros out of retirement
For this isn't how it's supposed to be
From mad young lovers
To playing golf on the 18th tee
Discussing our best retirement plan,
just who to leave our money too,
Once we've kicked the can...

Don't waste time
You're only here once!

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2024
We obviously know our child is the best
As they roll out the minions all known as the rest
Either waving hello or goodbye on their daily arrange
As renting them out to others always feels slightly strange
But it's how we get by on the monthly wage
Every parent wanting the daily rundown
What foods did they eat and a list of frowns 
How many wee's and hows many twos
A polite way of asking if they had even done a poo
As you park up eying all the other cars
What job do they do
I wonder what they earn
The gossip whilst waiting with so much to pry and learn
Some you smile with as you secretly suss them out
Do they know so-and-so who is married to the pub lout
Some of the stories you hear whilst waiting for your child
Village gossip when its hot and sometimes slightly mild
When nursery is done onto the next you'll miss this daily chatter
As long as your kid is healthy and strong,
then thats all that really matters

JJB
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
You think my desires are flawed and my head is mad
I like things to a max but sometimes it’s a passing fad
Let me see that game I like but don’t think I’m crazy
Some days I just can’t be arsed so best call me lazy

I like what I like its just human nature
But obsession is for the ****** so let me rest those fears
I love you she says its only been a week
Her last boyfriend now dead, better order me my wreath

Clutched in the realms of a lover now deluded
I only went there for a quickie, well we all have our uses
Can’t she see the open door to another lay
Please leave me alone and get out of my way

Gripped with those nails now digging in
She mentions the word marriage as we are living in sin
Well that’s it I suppose, no getting away now
Tom, **** or Harry, name any tunnel to get away from that cow

Obsessed to the hilt, am I that attractive
Drunken words in the bar were not supposed to be seductive
I give up running, you beat me, you’ve won
Together for life, no getting away now, time to dig out that gun

As I sum up this sad story of a night gone completely wrong
These are lyrics that I just couldn’t fit into a song
She loved me too much and that’s the title to this escapade
A devoted girl dead after a night of just wanting to get laid,

Obsessed.

JJB
“Far from a normal-functioning relationship, but normal has never been our thing.”
― Anna Todd, After We Fell

“We yearn for a stranger to poke around in our heart. Such an irrational thing it is. Flutter once and lunacy behold.”
― H.S. Crow
John Bartholomew Feb 2024
We see them and think a thought
Is that really what you sought?
She is tanned, tight top, an old fashioned Dolly Bird
He's just scruffy, unshaven, wearing a top you have never heard of
But whatever is your thrill, than thats what fits the bill
And then there are those who wear their matching jackets
With way to much money, probably a horse, shop in Hackett
These are the strangest of beings
In their partner themselves they are seeing
No mould needed to shape their prey
Butch, brazen and depending on the mood, a bit gay
For no seed is planted to grow our exact tree
In most cases its a matter of what will be will be
If you see a looky-likey of what deems to be yourself
Look somewhere else please, further along the shelf
Why date a replica of you and dressed in the same fashion
You may as well kiss the mirror or marry a shop mannequin
But hey, its not my call to who or what you might be kissing
Just to know you read my notes first,
and in future, you might just listen

Odd Couple

JJB
#bewhatyouwant #oddcouple #matchingsocks #matchingjackets
John Bartholomew Dec 2019
Whether black or blue, white or brown
We all find each other in these quirky little towns
Love is a thing of a thousand discussions
If your English, Irish, French or Russian
Language is but a barrier as long as you trust them
Supporting rival teams but still laugh at the same stuff on the telly
She cleans his boots, takes a sniff, although he's properly smelly
Then makes his favourite desert, mmm, ice cream and jelly
For we all have our differences, let just make it fit
No room on the sofa, let's laugh, chat, here's somewhere to sit
As we don't have enough time to hold such grudges,
tick-tock
tick-tock
Because, lets face it, we are all really, just odd socks.

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2020
Of course/on course
Swedish girl/slightly Norse
**** voice/mildly hoarse
Hotel in the mountains/Cornish tors
Didn't take long/knickers to floor
Passion intensified/not the usual chores
Way too pretty for this noise/Christ she could snore
Got to know her/a right ****** bore
A quick go too/not feeling sore
We often stray of course/off course

JJB
John Bartholomew Aug 2019
Oh look, it's what's his name
He was in that thing with...
Corrie?
No, well he might have been
Oh, you mean on BBC one a few years ago
Yes
He played a copper along with Denis, oh, I forget
Waterman?
No, he was in the Sweeney
That was the Seventies
He's old enough
The Bill?
No, that was ITV
Well, you've lost me
Google it
Google what?
His name?
Well you don't know his name!
Oh I give up
Hopper?
On BBC one?
He might have been in a film
Hmm, maybe
Right...it must have been Dennis Waterman
I'm telling you, it's not Dennis Waterman
Well, I give up, and so does Google
(2 minute silence watching the programme)
I've got it! Bill Paterson
He looks nothing like Dennis Waterman!
Same age...ish
Your mad
(A shrug of the shoulders)
Right, I'm going out
Yeah...see'ya

Thinks to herself...Bill Paterson...I think he was in a film actually

Oh, that's him in...

JJB
One
John Bartholomew Dec 2017
One
We all came from the same source
Be it the sea, the sky or falling with the rain
All developing on the same course
Growing where nature always finds its way

Whether you’re white, black or a different taint from the sun
Why can’t we just live in peace and all be as one
The wars we fight get us nowhere in life
As when were we told that battles and scars were for the right

From boys and girls onto men and the older woman
Living life has its ups and downs as this has already been proven
The easy ride is made up in movies and dreams
At some point we all lose our heads and run out of steam

Even the son of creation had his own backstabber
Your one of the boys until something comes along better
Sway to the left on this good path we now stroll
Judas so be it, many more good souls to enrol

So, who do we trust from this pool of now millions
Your own father and son, the choice can be minimal
Even your family can have its own non-dependencies
It’s a hard slog this life when we all have our emergencies

If the one is really is out there, and you feel you have found
Then keep them wrapped up, close to your side but not too tightly bound
We all need our freedom but not to stray that far
The universe is a mighty big place, keep them safe, treat them with love and make sure you hold onto that star

JJB
As I lay here thinking
Blinking
Rapidly sinking
Before I say goodbye
I tried
With a teardrop I cried
Not to wake from this sleep
Those demons creep
In thoughts, now, so deep
As I struggle for air
To do is to dare
Like anybody cared
To leave this life unto our certain death
I just wondered why,
with that,
One
Last
Breath

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
A thousand thoughts before my head hits the sack
Nothing can be changed
No going back
From what happened today all odd
To dissecting it in the land of nod
But if this is going to be my last dream
Then let me live it and feel what I did mean
To that private island somewhere in the Seychelles
Then living like the devil in a world of what the Hell
Sat on a bench about to kiss the girl of my dreams
Now watching the football with my one and only team
This is the way I would like to go,
no disease,
no cancer,
no cure,
no bore,
with that, goodnight, I love you, that being my final bow.

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2024
If I say some words, they're normally never remembered
I love you just loses tone, except the ones that always offend you
It's been years since that one night out, yet some things always trigger
If its the smallest of things, you'll always say, to make it so much bigger
Yet time rolls on, and we never bless, these times we have together
Spending money on the here and now, just put it on the never never
But who was to know I'd be gone for good, just living in ignorant bliss
As we said goodbye, not knowing such fate, with that one, last final kiss

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2022
We sat down and held hands
Looking at the sea stretched out past the land
Laughing at a day gone by
At a life where we didnt have to try
You see, some lives were just supposed to be
Me
You
That sense of we found each other and to just feel free
For this is a time that can never be replaced
No matter how hard you look or mistakenly wrongly chase
Some diesese to try and split this thing apart
As nothing could ever jade our beating hearts
The breeze that blows that most will never get
As I hold you in my arms
That,
One
Last
Sunset

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2024
We fly together
Like birds of a feather
Loving you even in mention
Never an ounce of tension
We have been through the good and the rough
As you fit just like a missing glove
No words could ever be enough
As you are my only
One love
❤️

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2019
Stubbed your toe just getting out of bed
It's gonna be, one of those days

Its cold and it's wet and its not getting better
Well that's what the weatherman just said

Slap that smile on and say hello to the world you just dread
This modern world of Tristan's and Justin's, I just don't fit as a Fred

Listening to country blues on the bus as the kids turn up their Kiss
Sometimes I'd like to answer with a smile and 5 finger clenched fist

At times I'd just like to be left alone in a world of my own dreams
Where Jesus could just hold me as his sunbeam

Do the others ever ask for 10 B&H and a packet of Rizla
Heck, I've been doing so since I was a kid, yeah

For this world of my own is a place of sanctuary where I'm safe
These thoughts are my own, my dreams, my own place

Shakespeare I think had the same ideas of worlds away
Where he often thought the same, always having just like me

One of the days

JJB
John Bartholomew Jan 2021
And why do you wear just one sock Tom?
Hey, that's for me to know, and for you to find out.

The other sock?

That was worn by his brother, Ronald.
And his nickname?
Go figure

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
A trip to Chicago
Just somewhere
You got to go
A city of love and utmost flair
Don't deny the ego
From downtown
To the contraflow
The boats all docked under the shared
Jetty to outrig
From small to the ultra big
Ropes tied to hold them in place
Let's get something
Now to eat
Sit down
Get off our feet
Walking has got us the ****
From tourists to Bubba Gump
Let's have a beer
Take in the cheers
4th of July is best right here
Sat back
Relaxed
Just,
On Navy Pier.

JJB
All my friends support the teams I hate
As I consciously look away,
It's thin ice that I skate
Knowing I'm usually sometimes wrong
Not to concede this tick
A conscious I can live with for long
But that's why we love,
Living with the unknowing
No weakness to concede
Never a side you should be showing
Because I love you darling, that's a fact
We have our subtle differences,
But hey,
That is why
Opposites Attract

JJB

❤️
Think of a word that rhymes with orange
Sporange?
Blorenge?
Syringe?
Door hinge?
No. Me neither
Could be scratching my head for a month
Hmm.
Now find a word that rhymes with month?
Stumped
Flumped
Gumf...............
Orange you say?
🍊

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
The biggest problem we ever have in life is other people.

Believe me.

It's that simple.

JJB
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
Our Liz

I really don’t care if you like Royalty or not,
But our Queen was always too hot to trot
Not a Royalist myself but I still know right from wrong
When I heard her song last play, I knew her time had come
Seventy years doing a job only she knew best
Find me another soul who could take this time, this underserving, Godlike test
From an **** horriblis to her poor husband dying
She kept our spirits high even through lack of trying
When jumping from a plane with 007
You still looked cool and to even outwit your agent from heaven
So, thank you Ma’am as you have been that servant to us all
That you promised us even after just leaving what seemed your time at school
You showed them how, and showed them what, in times of deepest peril
As you will never be replaced
Always the time, always the place
To be our leader in any such haste
For you kept you chin up, kept this ship afloat and never left us in a fizz
As you will always be our Queen, our guide,
Our never forgotten Liz

JJB
#queen
John Bartholomew Dec 2017
Do it again, do it again, just for the make sure of it
Twist it twice and make it right just for the hell of it
A job twice done is a mindset for the best
Lets just call it overkill
All our minds at rest

Overbake it for the shear defiance of it
I know what’s best even if you don’t believe me for it
A job twice done is a mindset for the best
Let’s just call it overkill
Never to be put to the test

Adding the cuts to the film ever though its finished
Leave them to the floor and best left banished
A job twice done is a mindset for the best
Let’s just call it overkill
Now torn to pieces by the press

Overkill is for the masters of nothing
If they cannot see what’s not needed,
then on their head be it
Sometimes you must leave what’s supposed to be
Not straining for that extra clip-it

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2023
Taking your money doesn't give me anxiety
I'll keep scrounging from this inept society
The more I can get that just keeps fuelling me
And the drugs I get, oh, the varieties!

My kids don't even know I exist
Mostly a one-night stand out on the ****
Just mates of my dealer and ones of my sis
It starts with a sniff and then onto a kiss

Yet we breed them
We need them
To harbour our woes

We feed them
We house them
Just to keep us on our toes

We curse them
We nurse them
Not every good deed shows

And then we cloth them
Rarely dethrone them
As politicians, they hate to be exposed

That scrounger
On his sun lounger
Slurping Pina colada
In the sun where no one can harm you
Away from Kerry and the sniveling Garda
And Donal who wrongly barred you

The fingers I show you are now two
As I laugh at the times you said I'd never pull it through
Watching the locals just dancing in their tutu's
San Migual please Pedro and, of course, one for you!

Paddy Scrounger

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
THE WORLD'S GOING TO END.....ARGH!!!!!

Give me 36 packs of toilet roll now,
In case I run low and then there's none left in town

Stock pile on the Heinz, the frozen chips along with the soap,
If I leave it a week we could die with no hope

The kids should be out playing, not at home in this hell,
Lets hope its gone soon as they're starting to smell

No holidays this year as were all full of germs,
Lets thanks the Chinese, when will they ever learn

Now the only way to pass time is by reading or Netflix,
Fast and the Furious this week, just how do you get your kicks

Let's hope were all back to work in while with whoever will hire us,
Because, lets face it, nobody wants that stupid virus!

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2018
Since I became paralysed I've lost the will to use it
My instinct, my never say never, my last minute don't give a ****,
now just a gurgle in a draining sink

I'd say to the wife, let's stay here, book a room, a night of passion,
not a care in the drop of a beat
Now I must pre-book, distinctly decide,
accessible doors and not to forget the supps, the **** and an inco sheet

The cage maybe open but the beast is still asleep,
only awoken by a blue pill for the night
A reliance now dependant on who signs the scribble,
paid for by the NHS and who's not feeling to tight

Are there steps and is it really going to be worth it
the struggle, the helping out and sometimes feeling like a useless ***
OK, so its not really that bad
I just emphasis the crap points that sometimes make me sad

But its a new way of life you really had better believe
to have back what I had before, yes I often do grieve
but there is no going back as it is what it is
keep your head up,
keep your heart strong and try and regain that lost fizz

JJB
I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I've seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head - George C. Wallace

People get in auto accidents, they're paralyzed for life. I got hurt worse getting married - Jake LaMotta

Some people are walking around with full use of their bodies and they're more paralyzed than I am - Christopher Reeve
John Bartholomew Apr 2024
"Have you actually tried walking?"
"You people amaze me"
"What. So you can't feel ANYTHING?!"
"Can you, you know, still have (mouthed), ***?"
"Lucky you. I'd love to sit down all day!"
All true, (mouthed) unfortunately.

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
It's not mine, but I'll let them all know for now,
So don't shout at me like it's mine,
Jeez,
Holy cow

Claiming it's just mindless info,
I'll pass it on in time, now in slow-mo
Don't you know it's got a sell-by-date,
It'll reach you one day, as it's fate

I forget who I was supposed to pass it onto
From hand to hand now written in the ladies cubicle
And to be honest I really couldn't give a **
I'm just sat here as a number man, here, pass the buck

JJB
The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses. - Author: G. M. Trevelyan

There are times where excessive innocence seems so monstrous that it becomes hateful. - Author: Gaston Leroux

If you're passing the buck, don't ask for change. - Author: David Gerrold
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
Our only planet and look what we have done
Litter, from such critters, known as us
How dare we ruin our one and only home
Caked in plastic, detergent and animals so rare we only have bones
What have we become
This can only be summed up in one
People are one thing and one thing only
Savages
Utter savages
I will state it again
How dare we,

People are savages

JJB
“We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Any man who neglects his conscience is a dangerous animal.” ― Suzy Kassem

“There is an undercurrent of savagery in the human psyche. Anyone who forgets this and doesn’t guard against it, risks being swept away by it.”
― Lance Conrad, The Price of Nobility
John Bartholomew Jan 2021
It's always a great watch but never a sport
Just to see how other people are taught

In life, in love and even ordering food and coffee
Spending twenty in Costa when teenage and still spotty

Who gives them the filled pocket full of easy money
Must be the bank at home, more likely dad over mummy

People sit with paper just chilling whilst paying Sudoku
One naughty couple lightly play, his hands close to her...John!

Why row on loudspeaker in a public place of tranquil
Think that I'll get out of here and quickly pay at the till

First a quick nip to the toilet to release a wee jobby
Next cubicle is on the phone, I'll listen in, this should be my hobby!

JJB
“I like to prowl ordinary places
and taste the people-
from a distance.”
― Charles Bukowski

“And then I think, maybe that’s what we are. An accidental spectacle.”
― Tracy K. Smith

“One of the strangest experiences I had in life was watching my professional astronomy girlfriend turn into a lesbian.”
― Steven Magee
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder
That depends on their vision and what drugs they sold you
Youve got a big nose
The size of a hose
But she still loves you and you're the one that she chose

Flowers make up for your imperfections
As they appear in lumpy homegrown sections
After years of built up unknown tension
It's in your eyes
Down to your thighs
But she carries on without you even having to try

We see the world in a different state
Ordering different foods all on different sized plates
Dating girls called Wendy to a transgender now called Kate
The size of His/Her hands
And the way She/He stands
If I got it right then did I actually offend?

So thats my take on the way we are going
New words to counteract as they are now just thrown in
Your Black/White/He/She but you're in the girls standing for a wee
But it is what it is
We all need a wizz
Life has changed depending on what we now see as strange

Perfection

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2022
Draining away without a thought in the world
Sat on Standby in a constant power surge swirl
Without it our devices would all unfurl
Back to their start date and the way they were first made
Flashing the time reset before hieroglyphics in our caves
Imagine this everyday and the time we now save
But that unthought power reliance still costs us a few quid
A yearly debit sometimes close to the lid
But let’s be realistic, it’s a need we cannot rid
For a warming cable at night keeps every house right
Until the alarm goes a bing, and the bedroom light is bright
It’s a cost we will devour as it’s not worth the penny pinch fight
But if you want to have the will and the energy to lower
Then you my friend live in a state I cannot devour
For I will let them **** and slurp overnight on my lazy need,
As they are the phantoms suckers of our power.

JJB
#electricitydrain
John Bartholomew Nov 2018
They tell a thousand words whatever's in the frame
If its Warhol down to a flower on a wall
That picture says one thing to some
And sometimes nothing at all

Get into the mind of the artist who framed it
Sitting by the canal just painting boats and eating biscuits
There was no great mystery behind that picture of yours
Any excuse from doing the household chores

Did Mona Lisa smile or was she thinking of something else
She may have been bored and just called from the street
Imagining what 2 nearby birds had just tweet
Soon on Da Vinci's bed, or on her knees and off her feet

The imagination is to anybody's discretion
Take it as far as you like, its up to your impression
Just know there is a line that we try to avoid
Of indecency and discretion as that is sometimes too rude

Pictures

JJB
The soul never thinks without a picture - Aristotle

A picture is a poem without words - Horace

I'm always in my pajamas, unless I know for a fact that people are taking my picture -  Bethenny Frankel
John Bartholomew Feb 2020
For he drew whatever was the scene
Of Northern towns and sometimes swings,
Of wherever he had been
The detail not always riveting like a Van Gogh or a Constable
But always on set, and you could always bet, simplicity is a sacred tool
If the stroke portrayed kindness,
And each drawing a wellness
To how we lived in other times to now

L. S. Lowry

JJB
Let's start again...
Adam and Eve onto all we can please
Extinguish these dominant powers
No religion, sexes and land
Not having to play the assertive hand
Wiping out this all empowering rule
Helping those in our time of need
Humanity, our enriching tool
Our well being not suffering in war
A neutral planet
Not goverened by federal law
Kindness is a trait now fading from our soul
And I am not sure how much more this world can take
As she surrenders to this burden,
we have taken on her earthly toll

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2019
The planets align to tell of a different wonder
Astronomers talk of us in sync as if God planned it
But if I am being truthfully honest
I'm just happy being me
Living my life
Happy
In love
On this wonderful planet

JJB
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