Sometimes I get so scared
That you only spend time with me
Out of obligation.

Sometimes I get so scared
That you only talk to me
Because you feel responsible for me.

I worry that I am no longer fun for you.
That I no longer light that spark in yiur heart.

It scares me so much
The idea that you've gotten sick of me.

I cannot breathe.

I should have known this was going to happen.

(Because this is what always happens.)

I fall for you. You fall for me. I try to keep myself from getting too attached. You knock down all my walls. I try to warn you (before it's too late) that this is going to happen. I tell you to leave before it's too late. But it's already too late. Because you become attached and I seem like I'm so good, and so willing, and so very desperate to be loved. But I am only one of those things. So I seem like a great option. A great prospect. Trust me, you aren't the first boy who has wanted to marry me in such a short amount of time.

(But you are the only one who actually did.)

But sooner or later, it starts to happen. I start to feel you drifting. I start to feel you pull away. And maybe I'm just imagining things, but then I start to withdraw. I pull away. I try to pull away from you as far as you will let me go.

Because, y'know, I run. That's what I do.

But for some reason, with you, I will only go as far as you are willing to chase me.

I guess it's because some part of me believed you. Some part of me believed that this time was different. That this time, I would have enough love to give to make someone stay. To make you stay.

But I am a hypocrite. Because I believed that you would stay when I have never known how to do that myself. At the very least, though, I am learning, slowly. Because you have taught me.

And even if I was right, and even if I can feel you slipping away like how it feels when you pick up a fist-full of sand, I want you to know that I still believe.

I still believe in this. In you. In us.

And even if I should have known this would happen, it still might not happen.

And even if this is always happens, I still fell for you.
, and that is reason enough to believe.

I am that person
That is slightly off center

My moral compass
Almost always
Points North,
But I have a tendency
To get lost.

I am told that I am "good".

But please,
Define "good"?

Because there are twisted,
Inky black parts to my heart.

But I will always
Try to be stronger
Than my darkness.

It is hard to pretend
I am solely a creature of Light,
But if I don't,
Then I will cave in
And be consumed by
My own shadow.

"Darkness, real darkness, is more than just a lack of light."

As I wake everyday life seems to drag me down,
It just seems like I'm a never-ending pawn,
I try hard everyday to stay above ground,
But it seems like drowning and my arms are bound,
I can't help but to think that my life is quicksand,
And it seems like everything I do I'm just not landing,

My head and body fights for air,
It seems like there is no end near,
People look on with crossed arms,
I can see in their eyes my darkest times,
Feels like they're pushing me into the ground,
Would they ever notice I'm no longer around,

It just seems like I'm in my own quicksand,
Would anyone ever give me a hand,
Or am I in this fight against the hourglass,
Only time can tell and I only hope this will pass,
Until that time I'll be here in the quicksand,
Hoping someone or something will give me a hand...

i am the elephant
on the couch that
nobody wants to confront
i am the lipstick stain
on an unwashed shot glass that
reminds you of your first love
i am the smell of cigarettes and singed hair and bleach and ***** vomits
on an indigo floor tile that
you don't want to clean up-
you like the smell too much
i am the sting of poison
on your tongue that
drifts down your leather studded throat
i am the spiderweb scars
on your skin-drawn with such a delicacy to detail-that
makes you crawl back to me
i am the echoes in the caves
on your broken record mind that
you love with a burning desire to hate
i am la fin
on your favorite movie that
you want to live inside
i am the nightmare
on the left side of your bed that
you seek for companionship in
i am the bad ideas
or the good ideas
i am the everything
or the nothing
i am the end
or the beginning
i am the hope
or the violence
i am the last love
or the first
i am the possibilities
or the infeasibilities
i am the predicament
or the solution
or just you
and you,
you want all of it
or none of it
what a dilemma.

This addiction is bad
These injections will change your life
It is everything, it is nothing, it is unexplainable
Like being stabbed a million times with a knife

It burns my whole body
Inside and out
I want to stop so bad
But it fills my mind with doubt

I become obsessive,
Sometimes I'm in rage
Even saying something simple
Will put me on a rampage

There are bugs in my skin
I get constant heat flashes
I can't stop itching
It leaves me with gashes

Your friends become enemies
Every family member is now a stranger
No one can be around you
Everyone is in danger

I'm loosing my body
I'm loosing mind
This specific drug,
It's the worst kind

I can't feel my body
Now it's all down hill
I no longer shake
I am completely still

My vision is impaired
Feels like it was injected into my eyes
I lay here stiff as a board
As my body slowly dies

I speak
You yell
I scream
You force silence upon me
I just want to be heard, is that too much to ask for?

I want to change the world
You want to sit on your hands and moan
Oh I am so tired of this table tennis

Red spots begin to appear and my hands shake
Listen to me ******* it
I am not stupid! What I say matters!

Can you not see I do understand what you say
You have taught me I do not matter
What I say has no importance

Yet I sit here trying my hardest not to break
because all I want is for someone to listen
Someone to not yell or beat down what  I say

You and many others have taught me that will never exists
Not with me, not with them.
Not even with those you think are more important than those you love.

You have proved my point.

A heavy sigh, a salty tear creasing red cheeks
As us the struggling youth are taught even more by those we love we will never matter and we can do nothing to change that.

What goes on inside my brain?
You wouldn't know cause you're not insane.
My depressive thoughts are taking control and my inner demons are taking over,
I'm sober...but I'm drunk on sadness.
Sadness that seeps through my body and into my veins
"I'm not insane" though they say,
but they don't know me anyway.  
I surrender myself to the demons inside,
Nowhere to hide
but behind this mask I've created for the world to see.
It's not the real me though.
Beneath this mask is the face of someone lost.
Lost in lies.
Lost in sadness.
Lost in love.
And as I try to fill this void the hole gets bigger, making it harder for me to stay happy.
But what's happiness anyway?
I'm not insane. I'm just me.