I'm almost fully conscious,
when I realise who you are.
No longer some dazzling angel,
or a distant, shiny star.
You're a man with a startling beauty,
and charms that win my heart.
You're exactly how I imagined you would be,
even from the very start.

We're sitting at a table.
It's not one I've previously known.
But, by the way you perch your boots upon it,
suggests it is your own.
I've come to confess some thoughts I've had,
And some things I wish to share.
To a person I not only will sit and listen,
But I can guarantee will care.
He glares into my dark blue eyes,
that reflect the blue of his.
And while my words slip right into his ears,
he unjumbles them like a quiz.
I never hear of his opinion,
It's just my voice that fills the air.
But it's enough for me, just to know,
that he's even there.

Next thing I know, we're in a field,
with flowers all around.
We're all dressed up, in our best,
sitting on the ground.
I've come to you with some stories,
I can't share with another soul.
I've come to tell you that my life is good,
now that I've taken control.
I found the person you used to know,
And realised what I am worth.
I left behind those who brought me down,
by treating me like dirt.
I realised it doesn't matter what others think.
And only you can bring your joy.
I banished my selfless thoughts I had
And even found a boy.
One who tells me I am beautiful,
and shows me to the world.
One who holds me in his arms,
and is proud that I'm his girl.
I don't know what you'd think of him,
if he ever got the pleasure to meet you.
But I want you to know, above all others,
that what I feel is true.
It's not my intention to replace you darling,
for you are like no other.
There is no man on this planet,
who could love me like my big brother.

You undo your laces, remove your boots,
and give them to me with a kiss.
I sit them on the grass, ensure he'll keep them safe,
and that, I tell you, is my promise.

Before my eyes flicker back to Earth,
I reach out for your hand.
I thank you and tell you I love you so much,
and I'm happy you understand.

No bandage could cover the wounds.
No comforting sounds could loosen the knots.
The world has not technically stopped turning,
But it has, down deep inside of me.
A flame extinguished,
My voice, incapable.
Each muscle.. Lapsed into a numbness so ******.
My heart, it beats.
Thump thump
Against the walls that encase it,
Holding it there, steadily, in case it tries to break free.
The throbbing in my veins
and the beats of my heart
Are so powerful they invade my thoughts,
Hijacking the only thing I have control over.
The only thing left.
But they're unceremonious murderers,
Who, entrapped, could defeat.

He asks me how it is I am silent,
Yet words pour from the pen in my hand.
But how am I to answer,
When he could never understand?

How am I to explain of a man,
Or, should I say, a boy.
Who showed me how to love,
And filled my heart with joy.

You were a boy of beauty.
You cared for me like a brother.
And in my heart I grew to believe;
You were like no other.

I thought we lived in a perfect world.
And what we had was love.
But you showed me I was never more wrong.
Because angels don't fall from above.

You made me think I was number one,
And no one else could compare.
But if that's the case,
I long to know why you aren't here?

Of course these are not things that should concern me now,
They're thoughts I should ignore.
Because I found someone who truly loves,
Who I wish I had known before.

I'm wasting my breath spitting out these words,
And tiring the strength in my arm.
But I want to scream out these feelings,
I want you to know you did me harm!

I'm tired of missing you, tired of crying,
Tired from the lack of sleep.
I found you, and grew to love you,
But you were just yet another person I couldn't keep.

You stepped aside and dropped your arms,
And stood there like a solid brick wall.
With my arms outstretched, searching for warmth,
But you moved and let me fall.

Your heart went cold with the seasons.
No words came from your mouth.
I wonder if it was my fault you died inside,
That I do not doubt.

But we had a place in the world,
The beginning, where we met.
We swore to meet back there someday,
But you probably already forget.

So it all came down to this m'dear:
I've decided to reopen my doors,
Because you left me frozen, dying inside,
Holding onto a love that's no longer yours.

When you stood upon that podium, with your head high in the clouds,
You obviously were not thinking clear.
And you leaped on to something you wished to reach,
But you never actually got there.

Instead you took a different route,
And went tumbling to the ground.
The experience was so breath-taking,
That you couldn't even make a sound.

Onlookers threw foul words at you,
And kicked you while you were down.
But you stood back up and showed them
That, you didn't even drop your crown.

Not only did you get back up,
But you continued to walk with pride.
Despite the injuries that were taunting you then,
From deep down inside.

Now you know to always look before you leap,
Because, otherwise, you know you'll only get hurt.
But, you can keep your head high in the clouds,
As long as you leave both feet firmly in the dirt.

You're holding your breath,
even though you told yourself not to.
Your face breaks into a smile,
A part of you believes it's true.
Your hands feel warm and sweaty,
But you don't dare to move away.
Because this is the first place
You've ever wanted to stay.
Your eyes, they glimmer like starlight,
With the tears that well from deep inside.
And then you suddenly realise the same reasons
You told yourself it's better to hide.
Your hands drop to your sides,
And you pull yourself away,
Because home is a place
You're supposed to feel safe and loved in,
A place you know you can stay.

Today my thoughts were yours.
Nostalgia hit me hard.
From every photograph to letter,
To every gift you gave, or card.
I know what was is gone now,
And we've went our separate ways.
But somehow I find myself thinking of you,
And all of our past days.
You think you have it all now.
Oh, and perhaps that is true,
But somewhere inside I long to know,
If you remember me and you?
Not of the finale of us,
The supposed taking of my thrown,
I honestly don't know why you thought badly of me,
When I only ever viewed you as home.
You were part of my community,
You had a VIP seat in my heart.
But that could never be enough for someone like you,
And that's why we belong apart.
You're a constant positive in my mind, though,
Despite what has gone before,
I just concluded it was best to just move on,
As it was obvious we were simply no more.
I surprise myself on days like this,
When I realise exactly what I would like to say.
I would never expect your forgiveness or such,
I wouldn't even expect you to let me stay.
Evicted as I was from that community of yours,
I fixed up the cracks that formed inside.
And now I'm confident that if I met you tomorrow,
I wouldn't surrender or hide,
Instead I'd inform you that I remember you and me,
(As my nerves rattle me to the bone.)
And that, although I do have days like these,
My thoughts are only yours on loan.