Quicker than I thought, but
I feel fine. Ready to move on.
I knew I was holding on, and realizing
That has made me able to think.
Cheesy movies and music has helped,
But writing has been better.
And one person has been there
So much within the past few months
That I know I am well cared for.
And now it will be time for me to be
A recorded message, waiting for the time
To say goodbye to the past and
Hello to a new life and great memories that
Caused experience and a new friend.

Thank you for your time.
I had fun and hope that we
Both can benefit. Its over and done,
But we can start over as something new.
And maybe e can laugh together again as
Something simpler than what we were.
I love you as a friend now. I've learned that.

Sadness follows me like a lost puppy,
Looming and pattering at my feel like rain.
Whining like a smoke detector
When a child makes a mistake.
I inspire depression.
An earthquake.
I step in fairy-like
Movements, trying to be quiet
Like a woman should be.
Destruction ripples in my wake.
I am a bulldozer crashing a funeral,
Demolishing the memories we mourn.

Somehow, I knew.
I knew it couldn't last from the beginning
And I thought about ending it myself
Countless times. I convinced myself I was paranoid.
A long time ago, I felt the light fade and i tried to bring it back.
"Can we try to be innocent again,
Like we were at first?"
That's when I knew you were losing it.

I tried to hold it together.
Change myself in the smallest of ways.

I felt the light fade from you a long time ago.
I could see the fakeness in the way you looked at me.
You distanced yourself.
And i could tell that your "I love you"s had
An entirely different meaning from mine.

What were the lies and when did they happen?
How long did you feel how you felt?
Why did you imagine with me and
Dream of our life together when you couldn't see it like I could
And it scared you?
When did you lie to me?

None of it adds up, and I don't know if I want it to.
We are friends, now, no matter what,
But I wish I could have realized
What had to be done.
Maybe it would have been easier then.

I made a fool of myself, letting you come inside like that.
I trusted you when you said "forever."
And Then I noticed a pattern.
After every mission, every religious retreat,
You changed. Acted differently.
As if I was simply a sin.
And you wondered why i hated organized religion, believing what
HUMANS
Told you about God.
And I knew that changed the way you thought about me,
Just a little at a time.
And again, I convinced myself otherwise,
Because I tried for you.
I did not fight for you.
If I fought for what we had, it would not have been worth it,
Fighting is too much.
If I had to fight, it would have
Meant that i never truly loved you. That i had
To try to love you instead of feeling it.

Did you really fight?
Did you lie to me about everything?
Did you have to change to make me happy?
Was all of it for nothing?

I hate break up poems.
Theyre sad and depressing, but most poetry is.
Its a reflection of emotion and
Influenced by bad experiences and negative energy.

But, I guess, this is a break up poem.
I knew it, and I will move on.
For now, though, I am sad.
I am disappointed.
I am numb.
And I am trying to find something to
Help me up after I've fallen this hard.

I've never written a break up poem.

This is a first for me, just like you were.

All day I could
Feel

My heart breaking,
shattered and
torn away

Every ******* time I looked at you.

Now I know why.

Just as I feared. The exact thing I have expected and dreaded from the beginning. Countless love poems, even recent ones. They have not been a waste. But I did trust you to tell me the truth when you stopped loving me and wanted to end it. I have been confused and hurt by many things. This is one of the most difficult, not because of what I lost, but because I knew it was coming and did not brace myself for it. I've never felt more alone and more supported in my life.

I need a break from you for a while. I will give your things back to a friend to deliver. Please do not contact me.

Maybe, for once, I want someone to tell me that they wont leave me alone.
Maybe, for once, I want a truthful response to my worries instead of a lie or silence.
Maybe, for once, I would like a bit of sense in a confusing circumstance.
Maybe, for once, I don't want to be treating like the helpless weakling that people believe me to be because suicide is on my mind at all times. I may be miserable, but I am not giving up, no matter what ******* people throw at me.
Maybe, for once, I want to be a ******* human being, not a glass figurine with diamond tears.

Something bad is going to happen.
The only thing on my mind (because I cant help it):
Remember your promise.