Letting go of your feelings
Doesn't mean you no longer love him
But rather you're just accepting
The reality you are living
That he no longer loves you the way you want him to.

It will be a waste of time
To wait for his love
Coz you'll just surely end up
Hurting yourself over and over again
Knowing that it is his love you can never have.

Envisaged realities
Dangling before eyes
Fading away
Out of reach
In pursuit of glory
Teetering on the
On the edge
Of reason and insanity
The long sharpened probe of fear
The awakened dreamer
Plummeting out of sight.

Dragging my body outta bed
Remembering the night before
Getting back at 3 am
Never wanting to stop
Kissing good bye
Remembering every sore muscle
Being rubbed out
With hands that were strong
And impossibly gentle
Remembering a new soreness
In places that are secret
Remembering that
There are no secrets left

Getting outta bed
With 6 hours of sleep
Smiling like a fool
Walking to class
Because I was remembering
A night with you.

Feeling lonely
And kinda tired
Of living
But not of life

Once I thought
My time had come
To leave this world
For the next

Life was trouble
Not worth the pain.
I tried to die, then
I had to learn to live again

I longed to live
A life full of joy
I never thought
All I had to do

Was to just keep
                    Moving on

I write a lot about being in the passenger seat,
In cars that are beat up,
Or sometimes they're luxe.
About soft linens and and duvets like winter's best angels,
About smoking Marlboro reds on front porch steps.
About cold and blank mornings.

I write a lot about coffee shops.
Looking out the window and watching passerby's,
Feeling the sonder seep into my bones,
About the ones who smile at me,
Those I don't know,
And those I eventually get to meet.

I write about falling in love,
Getting my heart broken,
*** with strange men,
Which was only one time.  
When I felt loss in my chest and got carried away.

And so I want you to feel me the way I feel all of these things that I can't help but be so obsessed with and I don't know why.

if the soft sweep of hair across my bare shoulder isn't enough to make me feel beautiful
what is?
what is the cost of being comfortable in my own ribcage?

Flickering lights in old parking lots
My head on your chest
Blink-182
I miss you, I miss you.

Kisses on my neck
On my *******
On my hips
I dare you to choke me,
Don't let me breathe, don't let me breathe.

Radio down and expensive coffee on the floor,
Take me for granted tomorrow
I like how much you hurt me.
Love you forever, love you forever.

In too deep,
Falling asleep,
Nobody but me,
Better not be anybody but me,
You don't have to love me, you don't have to love me.