Drunk one day
you wrecked the car
beer in the console
pretending to be sober
mom yelled at you
could sense the pain
came home one day
and saw you left us
crying on the phone
it had been a month
just wanted to know why
don't know what you said
couldn't get past the tears
was never the same
when you came back
you tried to love Brian and I
but I could sense
that you didn't
no matter how much stuff you bought us
you have a family now
you love them in ways
you could never love us
I still love you dad
do you hear me?
I love you dad
I forgive you and I love you
and I know someday you will love me too

I do what I do to put my daughter through college one day
so she will never have to do what I do to get payed
i chose this life, no one but me
but you cant tell me it wasn't destiny
when I got kicked out
living on my own
never had a stable home
and always feeling so alone
Searching for answers in people that never had them
self-medicating so I didn't have to feel so bad and
brook was getting older
weight crushing down on my shoulders
money owed everywhere
and then I had to stare
my baby in the eye knowing I had nothing.
I gave up everything.
I know im worth more
than this money on the floor
I know I will be talked about and humiliated, belittled and affiliated
with the filth of life
and everyday I cry
wondering why this had to be me
but when brook looks at me
I know that we will always have money
and she will never have to be homeless or hungry
or be anything less than what she's meant to be
she will always be happy, the way things are supposed to be.

Watching the way
you slept at night
waiting for me
to come home from
my third shift shift
job,  I ran my
fingers through
your hair
and kissed every
scar on your skin
and hoped that you
were having a good
dream and knew even
while you slept that
somebody loved you.

It's been
almost a year
and I cant
stop
thinking
about your hand
around my throat

I feel bad
for the guy I'm seeing
because he doesn't know
why I start crying
out of nowhere.

I just can't tell him.

The first person I loved bruised my body

Everyone always wonders why I'm so up and down.

Why its hard for me to be stable

Or strong

Or wanted.

I wonder

If there is something wrong with me

And if that is why no one can love me.

He is the wind, gracefully touching my skin, reminding me he is there.
He is the warm sunlight gleaming down on
me.
He is all the things I cannot see, only feel. He is everything to great for me to understand. He was someone that belonged in my heart destined to be mine.
He is gone but I still feel him in every breath of air, every beautiful moment, every starry sky. Love was ruined for me, but will never be forgotten.

Its not fair
That I loved you
so hard

We fought
  For so long
Something we thought was real
Something true

Inevitable
unbreakable
Everlasting

I cant figure out why I cant
love anyone else however,
I catch myself saying how
There's nothing wrong, he's
just not you.

In death, we rot
Crumble
Decay
We feel
No more

Is life not
but
the same
  ?

Heal
And grow
Heal
And grow
Heal
And grow.