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  Dec 2016 Joshua
OD
My heart and brain are at war and they are both slowly destroying me
  Dec 2016 Joshua
Raquel Butler
And maybe it was supposed to end like this.
Maybe right when I figured out what I was feeling you were supposed to move on.
Maybe
- it doesnt hurt any less.
You claim to need me,
but lately I feel us drifting.
You claim to care,
but you dont even see me breaking.
Im holding everyone together,
stitching up everyones wounds.
Im trying to glue you all up,
patch up every hole smooth.
Im trying to keep everyone
-from falling to pieces.
But me?
Im already shattered on the floor.
Nobody notices,
Im losing myself in all your tears.
Im losing myself in everyones fears.
Maybe you will see it,
the way my eyes glisten,
the way my body trembles.
Maybe you'll notice the black holes
in place of my eyes,
lack of sleep,
death.
I hope so,
I hope somebody see's.
I hope somebody cares enough to mend me up.
For now I just keep losing myself,
in everyone else.
12/15/16 @ 3:30 am.
Joshua Dec 2016
No matter how damaged I feel
No matter how broken my spirit is
No matter how much pain I go through
I still lift my weary fingers and try to fix you
As much as I want to cry with you
Someone has to stay strong for the both of us
I even break pieces of myself off to add them to you
Because you need them
I let myself fall apart when I know I could fix myself
Because I’m too busy fixing you
My heart is torn, battered, bruised, broken
Yet it is still warm
Sometimes I feel I care too much for you
And not enough about myself
But I can’t help it
I care so much about others
Friends, family, strangers
But its killing me slowly
Helping them carry their weight on my shoulders
I smile at them as we walk together but under my clothes
The weight of my own problems still pull me down
I am emotionally drained
But I don’t show them that
Why show them my sorrow?
I already worked so hard to get them to smile
Why drag them into my problems when I know they already have more than they could handle
So I walk alone
Forever shackled down with my problems and the problems of anyone else who seeks my help
It’s so ironic how the only thing that keeps my heart warm and going
Is the same thing that is slowly killing it

— The End —