Pathetic are the mid-night thoughts
about your future love
your past heartbreaks
your poorly thought out hook-ups

Sad are the mid-night thoughts
about the loss of those important
what you could have achieved but never did
and maybe never will

Depressing are the mid-night thoughts
about what a burden you are to everyone
how you'd never hurt again if you weren't alive
that everything you do will never amount to anything

But, it's time for me to move past those emotions
on to something better
an emotion I've never truly felt
that only I can control
and that's the happy mid-night thoughts
about tomorrow and what I might achieve
who I could make smile
what pretty faces I may see

I’m deprived.
It’s just 1 in the morning and I feel so ******* sleep deprived.
Insomnia seems to be increasing more than I noticed.
Or is it just me ?
Over thinking the situation as usual.
Sometimes I feel so confused.
My confusion is my weakness.
And when this weakness is at its peak,
I cry. I cry my heart out.
Is it weird that my weakness was at it’s peak just before I tried sleeping?
And thus the confusion and situation.

Scared of everything that will become.
Of everything I have dreamed to achieve.
Scared that if it comes, will I endure it?
Do I have the capability to ?
and what if I don’t get it?
What will I do then?
What if everything i have dreamed of vapourizes?
Like the smoke I puff away…
Without any traces?
Without leaving anything behind.
Who survives in a world without an identity.
It’s those who have the courage to live like they don’t care.
But, I do. I do care of what will become.
It’s scary. It’s real. It natural.
But then why can’t i feel it?
Why doesnt my hair stand when I think about it?
I’m going through this like a metro train. So fast.
Not giving any thoughts to the thoughts that come to me.
That is. Because i think I’m scared.

The fear increases with each passing day.
It’s weird that it has affected every part of me.
Like a fire.
Consuming everything and destroying it.
I’m not destroyed but broken.
Broken because I believe I can be repaired.
I believe that with time there will come someone or something that will take all my problems away.
An angel. A god’s send.
And this will cure my heart and all scars and repair the broken parts.
And I wait. I wait patiently trying to be postive.
And I wonder.
I wonder that why would He do this.
With tears in my eyes and people asking why?
I have no answer. I am clueless.
All I do now is pretend it doesnt affect me.
But it does. And I sigh and live.

The burning desire awakens within.
It ***** that all this is a result of something I did.
Otherwise it would have been so easy. To just blame someone.
I lust for everything.
From cigars to flowers.
Come on baby. Make it end.
Yearning something undesirable.
Harder than ever.

She is angry,
How dare he do that to her,
How dare she let him do that to her,
But really this anger manifests nothing,
There is really nothing she can do about it ,
All she does is ponder over herself,
For all she can think is how pathetic she is ,
And her anger builds up ever more ,
She loathes him , loathes her ,
For , that is all she can do ,
She decides no to talk to him ,
Not to reply to his messages ,
How dare he do that to her ,
How dare she let him do that to her ,
Now its been a night,she still wonders,
Is what she is thinking justified ?
Or is she wrong ?
She has had many experiences like these,
That is why it affects her even more now,
And her anger builds up more now ,
How dare he do that to her ,
How dare she let him do that to her,
Sometimes, she thinks she is easy,
But sometimes, she thinks she is wrong ,
She appreciates herself ,
Leaves all the insecurities behind ,
And rises , rises high and proud ,
Only to be pulled down and thrashed into reality by him.

its 11 at night
its not even that late and yet
i'm feeling like i do at those early hours of the morning
when everything is going wrong and everything is my fault
that feeling that i get
when all the ******* kicks in
and even though i know that it's wrong
i feel worthless
and i want to just disappear
because then i wouldnt make any more mistakes
and everyone else could just move happily on their way
because there's no more of the boy trying to fix things and act all big and powerful
and ending up hurting people
there's a small amount of peace in their lives
knowing that im not a problem anymore
and i know that this is false
i know that people like me, i know that i help people
but this isnt a thing that is so easily shaken
unlike my body that's shaking all over
and im just sitting here, trying to get over these feelings and get to sleep
because these feelings have stopped decent sleep for the past 3 nights
and have caused multiple problems during the day
******* its only 11 at night
and i need sleep