replacing your alcoholic drink
lighter fluid should do the -trick-
i want you to feel the sting
your words are the lighter
your tongue is the -wick-

I feel my heart pounding in my throat

A message appears saying she's almost here

My heart misses a beat like a stone skipping on the water

The door opens and closes with a resounding clatter

I run down the stairs,

Quicker than light

She smiles and her eyes glimmer like stars

She lights up the whole room

What a beautiful distraction

The cold air from outside acts as cool water on my face

It's brings me back to earth

She steps toward me

Her arms around me

A better antidepressant than any doctor could prescribe

I swear

There is nothing better than this

I didn't know how lonely I was without her

Nor understand how sad I could be

But now here she is,

With me again

And all is okay.

This. This is why I shut.
Everything was getting good -
as I look back, my foot slips in a rut
I'd rather go it alone -- if I could
If I weren't pushed, I'd forever take the easy way
I'm unconvinced vulnerability is worth the pain
the fabric of my heart is prone to fray
the strength you instilled is quick to wane
where are you when I need you now
letting you see me backfired somehow
uncertain of how much more my heart will allow
my indignant mind won't budge its disavow
you've provided me without what I've desired
yet, the depths of me cries out, "I'm tired"

father, mother
son, daughter
normal words to any other
but whose meaning do you slaughter
crossing kin,
blood no obstacle for relation
love will always win
so sign your name, accept abdication

though no legal ties bind
as your own, me, you receive
no obligation, plainly the nurturing kind
clinging to your care, from my pedigree I cleave
that is a precious word to me,
please don't tread those syllables lightly

the wrongs I recall, written and remembered
if only, if only able we could be, to squash the evil of desire
tendency to choose destruction, despite all the blessings tendered
Hansel to Eden, from the commencement of creation, we deserve fire
any good I manage to muster will never add up, as I try to no avail
St. Paul relates the word well, thought and action in no agreement
measure the deeds of my past, evil tipping the scale
immoral my only nature, no matter how vehement
even as I sit, my hands idle -- my mind capable of harm
relentless, the inclination to sin
I need help to resist the serpent's charm
because my heart is filled to the brim with the weight of chagrin
but we do not boast in actions our own
humanity has never, will never see a greater Love shown

breathe in, the fog begins to lift
deceit precedes despair
lungs, a stranger to fresh air
fear creates many a rift
through the haze, does she sift
her load hard to bear
heart rejecting amour and care
perspective is a gift
follow the bread crumb trail
and you will arrive face to face
with the Father of lies
one by one, his intent to derail
so sweet the deceit, difficult to erase
On guard! or yours will be the hands in ties

affections follow perfection
it's up to me

smooth out the kinks
fix the chips
show your teeth
don't twirl your locks
take off all those bracelets
you look silly
sit still
play this
read this
pray on Sunday
be happy
don't embarrass me
you used to be...
take AP
go out
mistakes aren't allowed
45.5861° N, 95.9139° W equals success
broken things make me yell
don't cry
work comes first
don't come home
you make things worse

Baffled by the beauty of grace,
I'm learning...
Love is not performance-based.

Oh, to know what You know.
to see the grand blueprint of the intricate design of

my life, my life.
The mirrors are fogged.
Roll down your sleeve
smear away the gray

I dream of the moment,
long-awaited and so, so sweet
to trace the angles of your face with my hand
to carelessly fall into your embrace

Momma always said to
find the corner pieces first
but I just fudge the pieces to fit
I dizzy myself with my own desires

Be unto me the cornerpiece, --  the foundation of my life

Nearsighted and naive
Lord, give me eyes to see
interim apathy will serve
a deeper purpose

Rest, my thoughts
Ease, my mind
You are fully known.

You were supposed to take it all away.
You were supposed to make me forget
You were supposed to provide me a release
You were supposed to signal help
You were supposed to control the chaos
You were supposed to be there for me
You were supposed to distract me
You were supposed to help
You were supposed to make me feel alive
You were supposed to match my outside to my inside
You were supposed to make me feel better
You were supposed to

but all you are is an anesthetic turned to poison.