I go to my school’s
bathroom
and wash my face
with the cold water.
I splash it;
then gargle;
then spit it out.

Nothing but saliva
and tap water
comes out.
I stare at the porcelain, disappointed,
and lean over it again,
opening my mouth
in a hope I’d throw up;
spit my soul out,
drown my thoughts down the sink,
make my problems disappear.

But nothing comes out;
not puke,
not problems,
not thoughts.

My throat
is still
being pierced through— trapped
—by the claws
of the freedomless eagle
that my life has become.

It is silly, isn’t it?
How I tried to steep my wounds,
thinking my problems
would dissolve
along with the blood.

My shoulders relax,
my muscles lighten
as I let go of a load
and say goodbye to the guilt
that had been crumbling inside;
I breath out
and feel the relief
burn down my throat.

In a year I’ll be so light I’ll reach the stars.

Even though I only tried
To hold you close, not make you hide.
Now I can only hear your quiet eyes,
And in that hush, my spirit dies.

Your silence wraps me like the night,
No blame, no words — just the fading light.
But I will honor what you need,
No hurt nor chain, no selfish plead.

For love, to me, is not to cage,
But inspiration like your books page to page.
It spreads like stars before the dawn,
An endless sky to dream upon.

I’ll be the ground beneath your climb,
The clock that waits through endless time.
To wonders vast — your voice, your fire,
Deserve the world, deserve the higher.

My love is open — raw and true,
The key of my sorrow is held by you.
I give it freely, come what may,
Forever yours, to keep... to Throw Away..