I'm a mixed drink
Half desperation
Half infatuation
Drink me
I want to taste me on your lips when we kiss
I'll become intoxicated
The fermentation
A bittersweet sensation
Love me
Allow yourself to be susceptible to alcoholism
Because I'm a mixed drink
Half desperation
Half infatuation
And nobody likes to drink alone

I don't want to relapse
But honestly I don't care
I want it drink *****
I have nothing to lose
I want someone to **** me
And pull my hair

I want to never eat again
Or run far far away
I want to cut my body into a million pieces
I want to be ashamed

I want to eat 4 pizzas
And I want to cry
I want to sleep for a week
And I want to die

I never want to bathe myself
And I never want to leave my house
But I want to never be alone
And I want a family and a spouse

I don't give a **** about my grades
Just leave me by myself
I just want to get out and party
But I also have a gun hidden on the bookshelf

I want to drive my car
And never stop
I want to do ******* drugs
And get arrested by the cops

I want to cut off all my hair
Get tattoos and piercings
I want to become a ******
I want to jump off a building

I want to get help
But perhaps
This time I'll die
And have it be my last relapse

Above the pain and the sorrow
above the grueling years
above the today that needs tomorrow
above an angel's tears

below the bottom of the seas
below the kick under the belt
below the buzz of the honey bees
below the pain that she felt

Besides the fact that she lost
besides the fact she thought she had won
besides the kiss from jack frost
besides the melting soul under the compelling sun

in front of the death toll line
in front of the brave
in front of the directing sign
in front of the things we save

behind the thing in which we sought
behind her only friend
behind the memories they forgot
behind the last or the end

Darling,
asking me to explain why I love you
is like asking me to describe the color red...
Because no one can quite articulate
and it has never,
ever
been said.
You still say.
Every day.
"If you truly love me darling,
describe the color red."

I struggle constantly
With a fear
Such a strenuous consistency
Year after year

When my mind is blank
It's all okay
But one simple thought
Can send that all away

My mind is cluttered
All racing fast
Trying to deal with the future
When I can't handle the present and or past

I get overwhelmed
I honestly can't handle it all
So I procrastinate
Waste time... Stall

Then its smothering me
All at once
So all my hard work
Is just a bust

So then I feel worthless
Like why should I care
I basically give up
I ask Why me? And internally state “This isn't fair”

But that's a day in the life
That's basically me
My doctor diagnosed it as
Anxiety

Oh well
What can I say?
When it comes to mental illness
You're born this way

I’m falling
old habits die hard
and i'm far from death
Breathe in and out
Crystallized breath
Hypothermic honesty
The cold truth
touch melts me like snow
Evaporate my care and tears that fall like rain
I'm falling

I’m drowning
Hold me under
Apathy allows me to sink
Heavy heart
Watch air encased in liquid leave my lips
Like the words i'll never say
And watch them disperse
Filling my lungs with disappointment
I’m drowning

I’m ceasing to exist
I can see through my hands
And my own excuses
Hold my palms to the sky
And try to remember the sunshine
I glisten and shine
Forgetting the pride
in which was mine
No one can see me
Through and through
Im ceasing to exist

I am gone
Tell me to be quite
But when silent
who is to tell me to speak up
An empty chair
Still air
Missing
Dairy casings show my photograph
And my face says it all
Look in my eyes
I am ready gone

I am forgotten
No one is to know me
Move and i ride along
A mobile personality
A mysterious inclosed message
Within whom i know
Who i have known
And who i left
As well as all the people I've loved
I am forgotten

I’m falling
I’m drowning
I’m ceasing to exist
I’m gone
I’m forgotten

This isn't a poem about love
It's about the way i obsess about my phone if you don't reply
But
It isn't about love
It's about how my heart races faster and faster as I approach you in the hall
But
It isn't about love
It's about how you're name rolls oh so smoothly off my tongue
But
It isn't about love
It’s about how you turned the corner right before I said hello
But
It isn't about love
It’s about how you left me on read last night
But
It isn't about love
It’s about how I saw you with the other girl you said you didn't like
But
It isn't about love
It’s about how you lied
It's about how you made me feel inside
And how I cried
And all my trust in you died
And how I tried
And how you didn't
Now this poem isn't about love
Because I believe if I truly loved you
You wouldn't make me so unhappy
And scared
And sad
Now this poem isn't about love
It's about all the things love isn't