Do you ever wish to put so much energy into something worthwhile only to be shot down before you can prove yourself?

A chance at love,
to prove your worth,
to show them how much you care,
how much time and energy you are willing to contribute,

All the cards on the table to move forward,
simply rejected since there is already love,
too bad it is for someone else,

Now, all this energy has nowhere to go,
fighting for a place in the world but no one to receive it,
fighting to come out and show someone special you will put your all into something real,

This energy turns into sadness and anger,
why isn't it enough,
what did it do to earn this rejection,

I want you in my life but I can't watch you love another,
I am not strong enough,
this energy is no longer pushing me forward to show you my pure intentions,
but pulling me back toward the abyss of loneliness and frustration.
My only flaw is not being her.

I hope she loves your smile,
I hope she loves your eyes,
I hope she loves your style,

I hope she loves them like I wish I could.

I hope she enjoys
random adventures,
learning new things,
laying in bed all day,

I hope she values
your intelligence,
your caring heart,
your drive for passion,

I hope she loves you like I wish I could.

I hope she understands
your time is precious,
love is beautiful,
you deserve something genuine,

I hope she
is everything you're looking for,
listens to understand,
is there for you through thick and thin,

I hope she is all that I wish I could be for you.

I hope you are beyond happy.
I hope you feel wanted.
I hope you feel loved.

You deserve love, even if it can't be from me.

I wish I could love you like she should.

Ready,
For the next step,
For the next move,
For the next thing,

Ready
For a new home,
For a new city,
For a new job,


Ready,
For a new love,
For a new life,
For a new chance,

Ready,
For my soul mate,
For our marriage,
For our baby,

Ready,
But I can't rush it,
I can't force it
I can't make it happen

Ready,
I have to be patient,
even if that is difficult,
even if that is not what I want

I am ready,
Now I just wait...

As I look back,
I see...
my innocence.
I see how nieve I was.

I thought I knew heartbreak.
I thought I knew love.

It wasn't until I found love,
my first real love.
Now I know.
Pain.
Loneliness.
Depression.
Anxiety.
Now I know.

It is because of him
that I now know the power of love.

Love is the most amazing thing of all.
The pain comes from losing it and/or trying to find it.

Find love in everything you do.
For if you do,
you are truly living.

Timing,
it is everything.
The time I met you,
nothing seemed right,
except us.
But we could not be.
You are happy with her.
That is respectable,
but we wanted each other.
We just couldn't.
Now I can't get you out of my head.
You said if timing was better,
we could be together.
But timing isn't better.
Our timing *****,
but does it?
Everything happens for a reason.
Is our story just beginning,
or was it over before it started?

Now as I sit and think of you,
I resist the urge to pursue you,
Because you deserve better.
She makes you happy.

I just want to be happy.

Timing,
it is everything,
but you can make it your own,
but should I?

I lost it all,
then I fought to get it back,
I fought to fill the void,
fought to find love again,
fought to save my heart,
fought to feel safe, secure, happy,
fought to take the easy route,
I crashed so hard,
head first into the ground,
I fought until it burned,
it burns so bad,
I can't fight this way anymore,
can't be tough like this anymore,
I have to change my fight,
have to fight through the pain,
fight through being alone,
fighting is all I can do,
at least now I know the proper fight.

That night changed my life,
That night I lost something precious,
That night I stole something valuable from my true love,
That night I lost a childhood friend,
That night I earned a new enemy,
That night my perspective changed,
That night I had to grow up,
That night I learned the power of my words,
That night I learned the power of lack of words,
That night I discovered how the world really is,
That night I became ready to leave the home
That night numerous rumors began,
That night I began my regret,
That night I began to understand,
That night can't be changed,
So why should I worry about it so much??

It all seemed so perfect from the beginning,
My first love since the move,
But slowly I began to realize my mistake,
Control,
That's all he wanted,
After telling me how things had to be,
He returned to his sweet and charming self,
I am a giving person,
He exploited that,
Everything,
I did everything for him,
With nothing in return but his company,
He used me,
Controlled me,
Came close to abusing me,
But I just couldn't leave,
Every time I came close,
He ran after me crying,
Explaining how he'd change for me,
For us,
If I had only known it was a lie the first time I tried to leave,
I simply could not bare to leave him,
Standing there,
In the cold,
Crying like a toddler,
He was so weak,
I thought I could help him,
If only I knew I was powerless against him,
If only I knew he wouldn't stop,
I had always been attracted to the "bad boys,"
If only I really knew how bad he really was,
How much pain and suffering he'd put me through,
If I knew then what I know now,
I never would have said hello to him on those stairs,
I never would have been looking for another guy,
I would have talked to my love sooner,
I would never have gone to his room,
Some of my regrets and horrid secrets lie within that room,
That room of his,
I had to return one last time to collect my things,
He had to stop me,
He had to win me back,
It was different this time,
This time I wasn't giving in to him,
This time I was strong,
Now I am strong for my love,
But now I must decide my true feeling over him,
And my feeling over what happened with him,
I just hope I can be that strong again...

To be truly me.
I must be completely free,
I just need time to think,
Because I only seem to sink,
I can't seem to let go of the past,
I can't continue that if we are to last,
You are the moon and stars to me,
I can not just wait and see,
I must hurry and learn,
To become the one you truly deserve,
You can not wait forever,
So I have to truly sever,
These horrid feeling inside,
To bury it deep within to hide,
Or shall I face them with my lack of pride,
This decision can not change with the tide,
I must make this decision and stand,
Or I may truly lose my man,
Do I really regret my past,
Or do I stand by it to last,
He deserves a real answer soon,
Otherwise I will feel lies while we spoon,
I can not continue to hide,
My feelings that are deep inside,
They must be revealed,
Or my sad fate will be sealed,
The time has come to see,
Do I truly want to be free...

Dreams are my escape,
I don't mean day dreams,
There are too many other distractions while awake,
No I mean dreams while asleep,
Some think I just love to sleep,
and I do,
but that is not the main reason behind my madness,
I love to escape reality for as long as I can,
I love to experience anything I want,
and to see what lies in my subconsious,
Now I must escape,
Life is getting rough and confusing,
I don't do drugs like smoke or drink,
I don't cut myself,
I don't hurt others,
I just sleep,
That is my out and I must go now,
Good night and I hope your escape is as enjoyable as mine...

Best friend,
I've lost you,
Gone for good,
I'm afraid,
Better off,
I'm alone,
Missing you,
Never to feel your smile,
Softly on my lips again,
Never to fill me,
Full of need and desire,
Never to hold me tight,
On those late nights alone,
Never to call,
Just to say,
Good night,
Never again will you be mine,
Even if it were for a few minutes,
Never again will I have my best friend,
When I need to talk,
Or ever again,
Best friend please come back....
        You chose the wrong girl...

Here we go again,
Getting all mixed up with each other,
We never know how it will really end,
We only hope that it ends with us together,
You have her,
And I have him,
But it's not the same,
We need each other,
But yet we can't leave,
You say to just continue down this path,
But I am not a patient woman,
I can only walk the same path for so long,
until I find a new exciting path,
We talk like we are already together,
Yet we are so very far apart,
I wish that you could just come home,
Then we could talk this out,
But the army doesn't work that way,
I guess I'll just wait this out,
I know that everything will be fine in the very end,
But the one thing that kills me,
I can not wait until the end...

Here we go again,
Getting all mixed up with each other,
We never know how it will really end,
We only hope that it ends with us together,
You have her,
And I have him,
But it's not the same,
We need each other,
But yet we can't leave,
You say to just continue down this path,
But I am not a patient woman,
I can only walk the same path for so long,
until I find a new exciting path,
We talk like we are already together,
Yet we are so very far apart,
I wish that you could just come home,
Then we could talk this out,
But the army doesn't work that way,
I guess I'll just wait this out,
I know that everything will be fine in the very end,
But the one thing that kills me,
I can not wait until the end...

sitting in a dark room,
head throbbing,
unaware of where you are,
you search for something,
anything that will help you escape,
brisk night air greets you,
it is coming from your left in the corner,
as you shuffle closer
you hear a hiss coming from the opposite wall,
this is your sign to leave,
finding a hole in the wall leading outside,
you jump out,
running,
before you can think you are,
running,
faster than you thought possible,
through a field,
then into the woods,
running until you can no more,
all you can think is...
**"Did I escape?"

I wait and wonder,
Are you the one...
or is it to soon to know...
I know I'm young,
I have all of my life to find him,
but why would I want to wait for him,
If he is to make my life complete
than I am only half of what is ment to be,
Are you the one...
or just another guy that will leave me broken...
Soon my time will come,
to meet my true love,
I just hope I didn't already mistake you for *another...

We are friends,
But it seems
I am your last resort when you have options,

We are friends,
But it seems
only when you need something
Am I the one you look to,

We are friends,
But it seems
That I am no ones first pick,

We are friends,
But it seems
No matter what I do
I am your last resort

Where do we stand?
I ask myself this question every day,
we've been through so much together,
then you were gone,
I was so alone even though I was mad,
I can forgive but never forget,
now you are back,
you seem to give little signs,
but what do they mean?
Do you miss us?
Do you want to be friends?
Are you just saying everything is okay?
Or am I just over thinking everything?
Where do we stand?
Life would be so much easier if I knew...
But that would mean talking to you...

Why have we grown so far away from you,
Each day we seem further,
You used to be everything to us and now we are killing you,
As time moves on you constantly change,
That is the way of life,
But the question is are you changing for the better this time?
Please be for the better,
We need you Mother Earth