I’m afraid to tell you

Because I’m not sure how you’ll take it.

Ma’am, I’m different.

I’m not like my brothers or my sisters.

I’m trapped inside

This body that doesn’t belong to me.

If you look at me from the outside,

You see a girl

But if you look at me from the inside,

You see a boy.

I’m not comfortable

With how I look.

These feelings are real

I’m just not sure how to explain it.

It makes me want

To rip my skin apart

To crawl out

Of my very being.

I still like makeup

And sometimes wear girly clothes

But I want to cut my hair

And have surgery.

This isn’t a snap decision

I’ve felt this way for a while.

I’m sorry if this disgusts you

I hope you’re not disappointed

Because you mean so much to much

And I really don’t want to lose you, too.

He made
My inner
Tsunami die
Down to a
Gentle rain

I want to fill their veins with stardust, to bring to them what they once were, to express my love in any extreme. I want to profess my undying adoration for them from the rooftops, careless about any passerby who may hear.

I want to show you how I see you, a work of art deserving of gentleness.

you're right, you're something more. no art museum would ever be worthy of you.

you say that I am a sunset, all of my pictures of the sun until I thought of you were sunrises.

then I took the one. the one that was all of the vivid colours I see you as.

you are not dark and decaying, you are ethereal like the clouds hung in the sky.

much like the clouds,

you break down sometimes,

but you are still so very beautiful and deserving of love.

my favourite weather is rain, after all.

Perhaps it would remain a great mystery,
What life would be like with you by my side.

You were stolen much too soon.

you already are a masterpiece, love. in the louvre, amongst all of that art, I would still stare at you.

I think I'll go outside and look at the stars tonight. Will you look at them too?

you said you didn't want to be near me
and left me with the inability to breathe
the inability to eat
****, the inability to swallow
full of nausea
panicking
i can't do this
if you don't want me anymore

coffee and energy drinks and 3am drives and sticky kisses and one of the million playlists ive made and you and me, nothing but chasing the sunset until she goes to bed and the stars awaken.

I want to hold you, to paint on you, to braid your hair. I want to whisper against your lips and I want you.

late night drives with you, hand on my thigh as I act the part of dj, playing songs that make us feel nostalgic for a time that has yet to exist.

I want to taste all of the words you've never said.

and perhaps, having been raised with
skin as thin as paper was more damaging
than anything you ever said or did.
perhaps it was my own fault
that you could see every emotion through my transparent flesh,
and perhaps it was my own doing
that lead to my own heartbreak.

are you in love with them or do they just bring you peace?

want to give you all the love you deserve, physical and mental and emotional and i want to love you so intensely your soul aches.

i didnt know the world could be so colourful
until i met you
and now its stripped,
greyscale
empty.

i hope i find a new rainbow soon,
one that won't leave me
in a world full of clouds and fog.

kissing you would be bittersweet, words never said and words waiting spilling into each other.

id rather we exist in mutually assured healing than mutually assured destruction.

weve been destroyed enough.

i would give just about anything
simply to protect you from myself.

wait to paint sunsets and galaxies on your skin, in hopes that they'll be even a fraction as beautiful as you.

go, fool, be useless in your attempt to save yet another from the same demons that  plague your heart. failure is the expectation here, for it is you making such a feeble attempt.

and you are poetry.

I want almost nothing more
Than to die
But when I’m near you
All I want to do
Is live life
You are vibrant
You are bright
You are life.

let us run to the field of flowers
sprinting, holding hands in the warm afternoon sun
daisies tickling our fingertips
all cares whisked away in the gentle breeze

You are the sun
And I am the moon.

You are the stars
And I am the cloudless night.

You are the air
And I am the lungs.

You are the snow
And I am the rain.

You are a drizzle
And I am a hurricane.

You are the peace
And I am the chaos.

You are the waves
And I am the wind.

You are mine
And I am yours.

I guess it's
officially official now.
That gives me such a rush
and it's hard to breathe.
We are.
That's amazing.
Yesterday,
during neurofeedback therapy,
my therapist,
he said your name
and I crashed
so quickly
your name
made my heart stop.
I don't know
where I'm going with this awful poem
but I am going.
And that's all that matters.

words fly
painting the afternoon sky
with dozens upon dozens
of dark nimbostratus clouds
and you're terrified of getting wet
but still, those ****** words
keep flying

I am…



Chinese food and sushi, cottage cheese and frozen cocoa;



Skinny jeans and high-tops, hoodies, beanies and makeup;



Animal rescue, cats, dogs, birds, rabbits, and other wildlife;



My own person, individual and original, expressive and human;



Fluffy comforters, fuzzy socks, pillows and stuffed animals;



A best friend, shy but eccentric when you get to know me;



A large book, with actual pages and not the swiping of screens and big, chunky glasses;



Classical and Motown, pop and dubstep, rock and metal, opera and indie;



Earphones, laptops, coffee and warm blankets;



Rainy days, foggy mornings, snow falling softly and crisp leaves descending from the trees above;



Tears, angst, pain, self-consciousness, and anxiousness;



The colors black and red, silver and gold, grey and bronze, green and purple;



Not a child, scared for the future, not ready to leave high school;



Dodge trucks, Model T’s, Mustangs, Hummers, and Jeeps;



A student in high school, a senior, a chief;



Quotes and lyrics, poetry and words;



A dreamer, often heartbroken, caring, compassionate, a troublemaker;



Sunglasses and ripped flip-flops, swimsuits, and sunscreen;



Fingerless gloves and jackets, boots and leggings;



Chocolate and ice cream, pizza and root beer;



Roses and geraniums, petunias and lilies;



Christmas lights, smooth jazz, comfy couches, fluffy pillows, photography;



Just like everyone else but nothing like them, obstinate, a rebel;



Garage sales, thrift stores, flea markets, and savvy spending;



Late nights and TV, Starbucks and musicals;



Fall and winter, sweaters and cocoa;



Bonfires, smores, shorts and Glacier Cherry Gatorade;



Vanilla and cinnamon, Irish Spring body wash and the smell of cigarettes;



Old Spice, Axe, ***, and musk;



Always there for people when they most need me;



Not perfect by any means;



Not math or science, algebra or astronomy;



Not easy to get to know yet an open book;



Not crafty but love art;



Definitely not a model but love showing off new clothes and designs;



Not the best listener to instructions, but knows lyrics to so many songs;



I am Olli, a human being.



I am me.

i don’t deserve you
you’re much too good
for me
i’m sorry
for killing your
reputation
your good name
but then again
you willingly invited me in
so whose fault is it,
really?