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Mar 2018 · 154
We'll Be A Bestseller
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Let's write a story, you and I,
In words and touches and looks and kisses
Let's fill the pages
Of this book of wishes.
Can we dance across the words of the pages we make
And love in the corners of every paragraph break?
Mar 2018 · 154
Single Word Poems
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Stories,
Told in one word.
It might be someone's world
In that single word.
Each letter is a lifetime,
Each syllable a chapter;
That one word
Open to one thousand emotions.
Mar 2018 · 150
Hard Marshmallows
insomniatrical Mar 2018
And the next thing I know,
A car door slams outside.
Someone knocks on the front door
And then they walk inside,
But before they do, they ask if I'm here.
My heart is racing in a second-
What if it's you?
But then I see them
And my eyes take a second to adjust
And to see who it really is.
I hoped- I really hoped-
Maybe it was you.
But it wasn't
And I have to return to my waiting sit on the couch
Wait, I stood up that fast?
Wasn't I sitting before?
And before I knew it,
The waiting started again.
Mar 2018 · 163
The '96
insomniatrical Mar 2018
The 96 is gone,
And with it,
You seem different.
The 96 is gone,
And without it,
I doubt it,
I doubt it would
Feel the same,
If he ever came back
If he he never came
If he returned
Please, please return
And be who you were
But no,
I can't wish that
I can't wish for
The past,
For history,
To repeat itself
One more time for me
Are you the same?
Please be the same.
I'm going insane
I'm losing my brain
Mar 2018 · 165
"Weird"
insomniatrical Mar 2018
There is a fire within him
And there are sparks to light it
They only have to get hot enough
To finally ignite it.

But I am told my heart is cold
And I will never warm him
There's ice in me that grows so fast
I know that I should warn him.
Mar 2018 · 162
Boredom
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Apologies for the boredom
The snooze-dom
The lack of presence.
I'm not all here
I'm not all there,
Sometimes it feels like I'm not all anywhere.
Mar 2018 · 118
Filling Space
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Dripping,
Slipping,
Pieces of my soul,
Cracking,
Packing,
Filling an empty whole.
Mar 2018 · 138
Manipulation?Or
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Forget about them,
For they are lost,
Cuffs, cuffs,
Girl, you too are lost.

Forget about them,
For they are gone,
Drugs, drugs,
Last cards have been drawn.
Mar 2018 · 164
Annoying Girls
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Annoying girls in my class,
You cause me a festering hatred of all that my generation is.
I am pained by the lack of apparent brain in your heads,
You mindless drones,
You brainless robots,
You plastic dolls,
You "do-what-you're-told" barbies.
I think one day you shall find
That drones can be defective,
Robots can malfunction,
Plastic dolls can burn,
And barbies get abandoned.
Mar 2018 · 164
Algebruhh
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Calculators,
Instigators,
Take the easy way out-inators.

Protractors,
Bad actors,
Won't help me find the right factors.

Scratch paper,
Senseless caper,
I want to jump off a skyscraper.
insomniatrical Mar 2018
I wonder where it came from,
Where the first idea began.
To help this man called Arithmetic
Find his ex.
When did this woman called Expressions become so complex?
What ever happened to simple,
And who is Domain?
I know a boy named Graph,
But I need to spend understand him better.
What of Range? He seems a bit simpler.
Hold on, now we're irrational?
Now there's an Imaginary?
I wish I could go back to the simpler times where Addition would hold my hand,
And Subtraction was a bit of a bully,
But only because he was misunderstood.
Feb 2018 · 245
Dearest, Where Are You?
insomniatrical Feb 2018
Dearest, where are you?
Please don't go.
Is your memory all that I will have?

Dearest, where are you?
I've begun to wander this lonely house at night
Have you really gone for good?

Dearest, where are you?
This place is too large for me all by myself.
I've no idea what to do.

Dearest, where are you?
Please tell me you'll return.
I need to feel you near me.

Dearest, where are you?
I'm soon to come visit you.
Will we be together again?

Dearest, where are you?
I'm arriving at the gates.
Will you welcome me in?

Dearest,
I'm trapped in this cage. Can you see me?
Please forgive me, they say that I'm not well.
I'm told that you're alright. They told me that I will be fine.
Will I ever see you again?
Feb 2018 · 180
My Hoodie
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I am so sick and tired of
The poems
And the journals,
And the words,
That I write
That are not me.  

I am so sick and tired of
The sighs
And the noises,
And the breaths,
That are not
Mine to keep.

I am so sick and tired of
The dreams
And the talks,
And the conversations,
That never last
Long enough it seems.

But I can't find it in me to be sick and tired of
Your heart
And your eyes,
And your hands,
That know just how

To love me.
Feb 2018 · 128
I Took 131 Pictures Today
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I think that I am blue-or a hue- of the same,
The color which I see every night, every day.
I see it in the sky, in the rain,
I see it in the ocean, in my veins.
Feb 2018 · 131
Shade 4B, Dark Blue/Black
insomniatrical Feb 2018
Hey,
Today,
I'll see you and I'll kiss you
And we'll laugh,
I might even cry,
But today,
Please let today be a good day.
Feb 2018 · 153
I'm Such A Fool For You
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I heard this song today and it reminds me of us,
I'm such a fool for you.
I don't know if you'll ever truly see what you mean to me
Or what I put myself through for you.
Sometimes I wish there was a guardian angel to go behind my back and tell you all the things I do for you,
Because I think you should know,
I think the world should know what I'm willing to do,
Because I'm such a fool for you.
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I'd like to see a flower
Blooming in the snow,

    Bright as the sun
      Vibrant as a cardinal
        And beautiful in its frailty.

But I'd love to see a flower,
Living in the cold,

    Steadier than a stone
      Stubborn in the face of death
        And dignified in its stance.
To Every Person Out There - Beauty Does Not Mean Weakness.
Feb 2018 · 378
Car Door Frozen Shut
insomniatrical Feb 2018
~~~
He told me that he didn't care if
~
My hair was messy
My legs weren't shaved
My eyes were red and swollen
My makeup was smudged
I had circles under my eyes
~
And I told him that it didn't matter if
~
He was depressed
He was exhausted
He didn't seem to care
He had no idea what to do anymore
Nothing worked.
~
I told everyone
~
"I'll always love him"
~
He said
~
"I'll always love her"
~
But no one sees, no one knows,
~
I feel so lost without him
~
I never knew he kept on saying,
~
"She's my everything"
~~~
Feb 2018 · 181
The Photo in His Drawer
insomniatrical Feb 2018
Lovely girl
Young and wild
Show your true face
To me.

What a lovely girl
Young and sweet
Sing to me
A song

Tell me about him,
Lovely girl,
Save for me
His lullaby.

He hums these tunes of the one he loved,
And the fingers that once danced in his hair,
Share with me his breath
Because he has never shared it with me.

But once the drums have calmed
And the engine will not turn,
The sky will soon be dark
And the sleet awaits his arrival.

The picture that he hides from me
Never catches dust,
He keeps the drawer locked
So he can see you every night.

Tell me then,
You lovely girl,
Where are you hiding now?
He cries whenever he speaks to you.

So, lovely girl,
Tell me who you are.
Will you sing to me the song he hums
When I am gone?
Feb 2018 · 163
A Lack Of Inspiration.
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I am in need
Because my lack of inspiration
Brings me to my knees
And I need the concentration
To see, oh to see
Why this case of my damnation
Matters no more
When I can change my life's narration.
Feb 2018 · 185
"I Can"
insomniatrical Feb 2018
Everything I touch is destroyed
Why is time like quicksand?
It slips through my fingertips
It's getting out of hand.
My dreams burrow themselves in the dark
And hide until I can find them,
Until I make a spark.
The flame in my heart
Reignites and I start
To find myself believing
That no longer I am grieving,
The words in my head
Form these strings and these threads
That I'm better off dead
But I fight them again
And with bravery I said:
"I Can"
Feb 2018 · 143
Student 179
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I get high on your words
And drunk on your skin,

I want to drown in your sheets
And I want you in my dreams.

I hope you get drunk when you're dreaming of me,
Because I want to be your drug-induced fantasy.

Do you get high off my scent?
Breathe me in till you can't and then do it again?

How about when we touch,
Do I travel through your veins?

Heat me up in a spoon and take me again
Say you have control but you're trapped in my chains.

Fill your lungs with my nicotine lips,
Dance with the devil and my gasoline hips.

I want you helpless for my inhalant kisses,
Want you desperate for those tweaker blisses.

I want that adrenaline flowing through
You need that high like I need you.

Can you taste the smoke on my tongue?
You loved all the tablets even though they stung.

Dissolving the sadness in the back of your throat
You tasted me once and you got strung.
Feb 2018 · 103
Write Myself A Slam
insomniatrical Feb 2018
We don't talk - or see
That we are beneath
We can't breathe
Any breath
Because we're stuck
Inside this groove,
Inside this room
Suffocating in the sheets.

And I could never stay
Because everything I do
Depends on my age
As if one day matters
To my vacant mind -
And my chains rise up above me and leave me to my own
In the snow
Of the night
But I am blind.

I was never told that love was a good thing
I was always told it was
Violent and vicious and malevolent, malicious
But in my experiences
It can be quite delicious and nutritious
But ambitious and suspicious
Only; I could still care less
About the fruition of this mission
The addition of submission
The tradition of this condition
Because it's killing me, it's killing you
And medications will not help,
But the drugs definitely do.

Despite my greatest efforts
I can ****
But I can't make the smoke
Go away -
Though I can hide my
Face.
Without a trace
I am gone
Into a world that only I know
Where I can never show
You
Feb 2018 · 128
"Not Math-Minded"
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I know.
It doesn't matter how many times you say
'It's alright'
or
'You can do it'
Because I've heard the words before
But I've seen that look in your eyes.
I know you don't really think I can do it.
I know that it comes easier to you.
I just don't know how to tell you that I really don't care,
And that I'm only pretending.
How about I tell you what 1+1 is instead?
I guess I'll get that wrong, too, though.
Feb 2018 · 164
Burning Your Stuff
insomniatrical Feb 2018
Kerosene,
Carry on,
Gasoline,
Move along,
Light a match
Watch it burn
Warmth so good,
Hurts so wrong.
Feb 2018 · 118
Long Time Coming
insomniatrical Feb 2018
. . .
I lost my mind when it came to you
Because you're not even sane.
I think we didn't fit together
Because we're almost the same.
. . .
Jan 2018 · 220
Transformers Band-Aids
insomniatrical Jan 2018
Hey - forget what I said,
I'll forget what you did,
Just don't come at me anymore
Because I have no more bandages.
Jan 2018 · 888
< A Month
insomniatrical Jan 2018
In less than a month,
I will be 17.
You said you were sorry because you didn't remember
what day exactly my birthday was,
But come on,
I forgot my own birthday once.
Jan 2018 · 1.0k
Moonflower, Moonflower
insomniatrical Jan 2018
Moonflower, moonflower,
She will be okay.
Sunflower, Sunflower,
The pain will go away.
Medication, medication,
Moonflower pray.
Help yourself, please help yourself
Sunflower stay.

Moonflower, moonflower,
Your sun will be alright.
Sunflower, sunflower,
Your moon will soon be bright.
Sunset, moonrise
The quiet of the night
Moonset, sunrise,
Love in the morning light.
Jan 2018 · 120
Tattooed Hands
insomniatrical Jan 2018
Slow down
Slow down, please.
We're riding a 35 mph road at 60 miles an hour
And there's curves everywhere.
I told you before, we're going to crash
And you don't have a seat belt on.
The radiator's cracked and it needs to be fixed
But you have a lead foot on the accelerator.
What'll happen to us if your brake goes out?
Slow down
Slow down, please.
Jan 2018 · 118
Lies.mp3
insomniatrical Jan 2018
I love you
words, words
I miss you
words, words
I need you
words, words

You need me?
You miss me?
You love me?

You love my submission
You miss my obedience
You need me to be desperate for you.

I won't do it anymore.

F* You
Don't you dare try to trick other girls into the same fate as the one I fell into with you.
You use, manipulate, and lie.
Thank god I got smart.
Jan 2018 · 171
Next Time
insomniatrical Jan 2018
Don't you care if I am ******?
Wouldn't you care if I got ticked?
Tell me you'd care if I just dropped dead
Tell me you want to just lay in bed.
Tell me you love me and tell me you care,
Tell me that you wanna take me anywhere.
I wanna know, is this some kind of dare?
Please don't hurt me, it's too much to bear.
insomniatrical Dec 2017
The sky is always changing, Just like your eyes.
One day the sky is bright and your eyes are green.
One day the sky is bleak and your eyes are stormy.
If it seems to be raining, your eyes will be gray.
If it's snowing, they will be ocean blue.
If the sky is overcast, your eyes will be the same.
Your eyes remind me of the sky,
The sky reminds me of you.
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Rip me apart,

You're so beautiful.

Rip out my heart,

Done so undutiful.
insomniatrical Dec 2017
And words like knives,

I wish we had waited.

These words like knives,

Have your feelings faded?
Dec 2017 · 151
Eggnog And A Kiss
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Tonight,
I wanna kiss you in a room full of people while they laugh and chat among themselves and pay no attention to us.
Tonight,
I want you to open the presents I got for you and I want to open the ones you got for me, and I want to hug you.
Tomorrow,
I want to spend the day with you, chowing down on takeout-chinese and watching movies all day.
Tomorrow,
I want to waste a sleepy day with you and pass out in a heap on the couch, tired just because.
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Happy, happy, sad,
What?
Happy, happy, sad,
****.
Happy, happy, sad,
How?
I'm happy, happy, sad now.
Dec 2017 · 162
A Sky Full Of... Cars.
insomniatrical Dec 2017
I bet if you could have any wish, you'd wish for a sky full of...
Cars.

All of the fastest ones,
All of the coolest ones,
All of the most souped up ones.

But I bet,
That even if you got your wish,

No matter how remodeled the car is,
No matter how cool the car is,
No matter how fast the car is,

You still can't seem to find a way to be here when I need you.
Not actually mad. Just an idea.
Dec 2017 · 240
Life
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Sleeping, crawling, walking,
Running,
Where am I going?
Running,
Gotta get there fast.
Running,
Running,
Running,
Walking.
Looking behind,
Wish I could walk backwards.
Dec 2017 · 184
By The Millions
insomniatrical Dec 2017
A million and one,
A million and two,
There's a million of me
But only one of you.

A million and three,
A million and four,
There's a million times
I'll say "I love you more."

A million and five,
A million and six,
There's a million things
We don't need to fix.

A million and seven,
A million and eight,
There's a million more nights
That we could stay up late.

A million and nine,
A million and ten,
There's a million ways
For this poem to end.
Dec 2017 · 155
I Can't Factor
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Whoever told you that life would be easy is lying to you,

But if they also told you that life is meaningless,

That's a lie, too.
Dec 2017 · 140
Ctrl+A Backspace
insomniatrical Dec 2017
I'm going to write a poem today.
Delete
I am going to be better today
Delete
I fell in love again today...
Delete
I don't know what to say
delete.
.
Dec 2017 · 265
I Have
insomniatrical Dec 2017
I have a what
And his name is babe
I have a who
Who doesn't need a name.
I have a honey
Who's sweet and smooth
I have a dear
Who says "I Love You"
I have a man
Who's still growing up
I have a boy
Who is smart enough
I have a love
Who knows what to say
I have this person
Who always makes my day
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Simply put, ***** the school.
Simply put, we exist, too.
We're not complicated, we just need our space.
We need the room so we don't hit your face.
Rifles and sabres and blades, oh my.
Rifles and sabres and blades will fly.
Swing flags and ribbons,
Our equipment throughout.
Six foots, Five-and-a-halfs,
Again we got kicked out.
The gym, the stage,
We're in the cafeteria for days.
The mezzanine, the band room,
Can we get our own place soon?
I'm so tired of not having a place.
Why can't color guard have their own space?
Dec 2017 · 149
<Anything?>
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Hello
Hey
What's up
I miss you
I love you
I love you so much
I love you
I miss you
What's up
Hey
Hello
...Goodbye
Dec 2017 · 172
The Incredible Affliction
insomniatrical Dec 2017
~ ~ ~
     I want to run my fingertips across every inch of your skin and watch your bones dance beneath your muscles as they work together to move you forward.
     I want to feel the movement of your hips as we dance across the room and sing our favorite songs as loudly as anyone can, because we are in love and know no shame.
     I want to breathe your breath and share your space, even if you're in the shower at six in the morning and I have to go so bad that I can't hold it in anymore.
     I want to teach you everything and learn from you because I'm a ******* about how much I know but I am still clueless and I still have so much to experience.
     I want everyone to know about you but I also want to keep you all to myself because no one else is allowed to have you but you're too wonderful to not talk about.
     I want to watch a thousand suns set with you and I never want to watch you leave again because even if you're just going to work, I know I won't see you for hours.
     I want to experience everything with you because you are my life and you always have been, it's undeniable, irrevocable, unalterable, immutable, and irremediable.
Dec 2017 · 1.8k
Forgetting You
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Forgetting you,

Forgetting who,
Forgetting anything and everything, too.
It feels like that's what I'm meant to do.
When I still see you
And I feel like I lose.
Forgetting who?

Forgetting you.
insomniatrical Dec 2017
"and then we'll head down there to get him, right?"



                              *why would you say that when you know i can't see him?
Dec 2017 · 225
Unedited.
insomniatrical Dec 2017
We are the light in the sky which is dark at times
And we are the street lamps that turn off when it's too light outside,
We are candles that burn brightest at night
And we are the lamp which lets you lose yourself in the pages of a book,
When you are entranced in the world and you have no way to get there in the dark.
We are the road which you remember,
But are not willing to travel,
The memory of good times and bad, best and worst,
And we are the feeling you get when you lose the one you love the most.
We are consequences, in all of their ugliness and wretched acts,
Where they steal you away into a spell
And shove apologies out of your mouth,
They spew and fly and are a mess of profuse "I'm sorry's"
Mixed with regret and a wish to go back.
We are freedom,
As well as it is but as perilous as it can be,
As dangerous as one can make it.
We are one and none,
Together and apart,
Me and you,
One and two,
But you may never see what I use as glue.
I use my soul and all of the promises she made;
That I would find what I have now and that it would last for me,
That I would always have it,
Please stay.
Dec 2017 · 651
Let Me Just
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Let me just say
   That I miss you.
Let me just wonder
   If you miss me too.
Let me just hear
   That sweet voice of yours.
Let me just hear it,
   My ailments it cures.

Let me just say
   That I miss your touch.
Let me just repeat:
   I miss it so much.
Let me just cry
   Right into your shoulder
Let me just hope
   And wish that we were older.

Let me just fall
   Into that deep abyss
Let me just trip
  Into a bitter bliss
Let me just wander
  And feel the midnight's kiss
Let me just roam
   And end
      Just

         Like

            This.
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