I cannot find the motivation,
And I do not have the will.
I know that one can find what they need when they need it
But this is all I've ever had.

They tell me I'm not a C student.
And they say that I have the brains.
They say that I have the potential to be something-
Do something-
Greater.
They tell me that it'll be okay,
They tell me it'll be alright.
But I don't feel alright,
I never feel alright.

I never feel alive,
I never feel like there's a why
But a why not?

Why shouldn't I be what they tell me not to be?
Why shouldn't I become what everyone despises?
Maybe then they would actually see me how I see myself.

Maybe then I wouldn't need to explain why I feel the way that I feel
Or maybe I wouldn't have to explain that I even feel that way in the first place.
Maybe they would just see.

I think they could - I hope that they could -
See what I see.

I am a trebled teen;
Living the life of the kids who dare to play their music too loud.
We walk the halls and tickle our snares
While the clarinets whinny
And the flutes whistle a melody out of tune.
We purse our lips
And squeal a note or two:
We play flat and sharp but
We don't care.
My grades aren't the best
And I might hit the reef,
But music is there for me.
We spend Saturdays on a bus
And march in the cold,
Only to watch half a game and then head on home.
But we don't care about any of that
Because it's the music that matters.
It's the music that kept some of them around.
It's the music that lets us be who we are.

I am a trebled teen.

She is destructive.
Her smoky tail curves and curls around you,
Whipping her deadly gases about.

She breathes out a swirling rainbow
That seems to drown out anything else.
Her breath fades into a deep blackness that consumes everything in sight.

The tar on her skin drips from her tear ducts
and falls upon the ground, sizzling and creating voids
On every inch of free space.

How ugly she is,
And yet she entices you.
How long have you been her entrapped prisoner?
How long have you been chasing after her?

Never love your captor,
Never chase the destruction.
Never say the fire warms you
When I can so clearly see the burns on your skin.
Never say the blade is dull
When you have blood dripping from your wounds.
Never tell me that White Demon has no grip on your forearm,
When I will watch you dragged through mud and blackness
At the cruelty of her hands,
Blindly and unknowing.

How long have you lusted for the White Demon?

Tell me about the addiction.
About the ruin it has brought you
And all the destruction that you have witnessed
All because you thought you had to try it.

Tell me about how it feels
When your body gets that rush and
You can't tell where you are anymore,
You can't remember what you were trying to forget.

Tell me about the smoke curling in the air
As your mind starts to sprint in every direction possible,
Where there is no up or down
And there's no such thing as stability.

Tell me about the sensations you get,
Do you fly? Do you fall?
Do you lose yourself in color
Or does the world settle to a black and white film?

How long? And when?
The powder has you going too fast.
I can't keep up with you anymore,
And it's almost like that was your goal in the first place.

But I know better,
And I know you.
You might have your ailments,
But this is one you can defeat.

You went through a 'little phase'
And you wore perfume to school.
You thought you got stupid
And you wore nail polish too.
You became something different
And got lost in the fume.
You and I lost touch,
And one became two.


You thought you were in love
But you only knew one thing.
You thought it was lust
But then it started to sting.
You had no idea
When they started to sing,
That the someone you 'loved'
Was part of another fling.

And you thought that you'd lost
You thought you were insane.
You did a bunch of bad stuff
And you lost your way.
I know that you cried
As the blood left your veins.
But I'm here to tell you
That I'm not going away.

I don't quite understand why you like pain the way you do.
I guess that's why I was never afraid of hurting you.
But I got smart and I eventually realized
The pain you liked wasn't what I was giving.
The pain you like is how you hurt those girls
The pain you like is the way that they cry
When you leave them stranded and all alone.