how the ****
do i
move on?

because you've done a stellar job

i deserve
someone
that will
at least
say
goodbye

hit me
it would sting
less
than you
walking away

yell at me
it would be
quieter
than you
avoiding my eyes

**** me
it would
be more
merciful
than you
pretending you love me

those three words
hurt me
more than losing you
ever did

and you never even
said them to me

for every scar
you've made
on my heart

i've pinned an apology note
so that it knows
everything was my fault

i used to look like a whisper

soft and fragile
barely more than silence
trying so hard not to disturb
afraid to break

now when people look at me, they see a scream

loud and unforgiving
filling the space with indignation
no pauses, no hesitation
breaking everything

but i can't see me. i can just listen.
i sound like fingernails biting palms