memories
shattered into a thousand pieces
thinking about the past
constantly
memories
of you everywhere
our sayings
our places
now
in the present
have no meaning
pretending
nothing happened and the past is the past
but the memories
always present
i can go there with somebody else but
it's not the same
because the memories
will always
be with you

nineteen years young
absent all this time
then suddenly
my eyes are open

i've stopped looking
found you at last

all those kisses with randoms on a friday night
seeking validation and some kind of affection
or just attention seeking
looking for some kind of connection

nothing else matters anymore
this is a different kind of love
a love where my heart aches after a few days without you
making me smile
making me cry
making life worthwhile

i am finally safe

all these 'friends'

surrounded
by unknown faces
and unknown strangers

feels like you can never
truly know these people
how do you know
their true opinions of you

everything could just be a lie
their smiles
their compliments
all for show

keep on treading down this
slippery *****
all
the
way
to
total

paranoia

it's always the bad times
the regrets i think of
when i'm overthinking
and it's 3am
and i feel like the only person on earth
awake and alive

it's never the good things that come back to me
it's just constant to focus on the negativity
the bad

the thing is they are the moments
the unchangeable
the things i regret
if only i had foreseen
what i was going to do
it would we easier to forget

regrets are permanent
until i can learn to overcome
tears
blood
sweat

they're unchangeable

pushed
away and away
i'll never forget

she lives a life full of regret
she gets drunk
she only wants to forget
but when she wakes
she remembers all too well
the pain and destruction of the night
each memory comes back
it is painful
the lack of control

'you'll get a reputation'
they all whisper and stare
their eyes bore into her back

she is lost in an endless ocean of regret
she only wanted to forget
but now everything is worse

i am so tired of being alone
i crave love
but noone comes

too many insecurities
and too many flaws
they are my minds weakness
but they are what my eyes see
and my brain processes
and amplifies

my flaws are what I make of them