We thought we would never have to grow up
We were young and dumb, like all kids
We played for hours on end
Never a second thought
You were my best friend,
But people grow up

We loved each other like sisters
Fought like a married couple
But never a second thought

You found out about the world and all its secrets
While I stayed in my imagination
You wanted to be older
I wanted to stay young
But never a second thought

Years went by, we were inseparable
Conjoined at the hip
What happened?
You started dating
Spent time with boys
Not me
Not a second thought

You became preoccupied
You didn't have time for me
But I stayed there
As each guy left

Soon it was too much
You got a boyfriend
Only wanted him
Let him say things
Distancing us

You changed,I couldn't be around you
You weren't good for me anymore
I lost myself in the madness
We split apart

It hurt at first, it did  
But in time
I realized that
I'm glad

Knowing you was one of the best things
i've ever known
But losing you
Set me free

So I have this boy that I like
He really likes me too,
He's nice and funny
But yet I feel
Worse than ever
I want to change

I think my brain is going insane
He says he wants to help
But he doesn't understand
My constant pain
Turmoil
Regret

He doesn't see the sadness behind my eyes
Or hear the tremor in my voice
But I don't blame him,
I'm the one who hides it,
The one who Can't explain the hate
The disgust
The disappoint
I have for myself

The **** I keep bottled up because
Regular people will never understand,
I want to scream until no sound escapes
Cry until my eyes dry out,
I have all this emotion and yet
No screams burst
No tears shed

He doesn't deserve this
He should have someone better

I have so much I want to spill on this page
But my mind can't catch up with itself
I'm a jumbled mess
I can't form the words

I wish I could tell you all this, but I can't
So I'll write it here in Hope that it will ease my tired soul

When I was little
I was scared
Scared of the monsters living under my bed
I used to hide, under my blanket
Under my blanket, I was safe
The monsters couldn’t reach me under my blanket

My parents used to say
The monsters would go away
I would grow up and that then they would leave

But I grew up
And the monsters didn’t leave
Turns out my monsters, grew with me
Now instead of under my bed
The monsters live inside my head

So I hide, under my blanket
Where I think I am safe
Wondering if after all this time
My blanket can still keep the monsters at bay

It's not even that I can't anymore,
I simply don't want to.

He swept her off her feet.
21/3/2019