it's not that i hate you
it’s how i hate feeling like
you are never really present

i tell you all these things
but your eyes are all glossy
and i wonder why i even said it

like why waste my breath
or my time
just so you can get the message

you blame me for feeling alone
when you are always on
a mental vacation

disgustingly sweet
your loves leaves me with a bitter feeling
like we both deserve so much more than this

but there are times i lose myself
in your eyes, in my dreams
i forget myself with our kiss

you are real
you are something present, i can see you
something i can touch

but when i try to reach out
you disappear
and so does our love

you keep asking why I didn’t
hit you up, call you back
left you on read

like what was i thinking?
don’t i love you?
i was focused on the what ifs instead

like what if this is pointless
and we fight for nothing
are we loving only to lose?

i’m just not sure what i want
i am not doing this
just to hurt you

.
                                     please
                            i said please
            why didn't you listen?
                                                         ­                i swear i didn't hurt you
                                                             ­            that'd hurt me
                                                              ­           too
                                          but
                            you hurt me
    why would i lie about that?
                                                           ­              it was supposed to feel good
                                                            ­             at least it was for
                                                             ­            me