When I die,
I do not want vacuous truths at my written eulogy.
I do not want people hear lies about me.

“She was beautiful.”
I am not. I was not.
Beautiful people knew how to dress.
They do not act like an awkward mess.

“She was strong and brave.”
I am not. I was not.
Strong and brave people do not cry themselves to sleep.
They do not consider themselves as a heap

“She was smart.”
I am not. I was not.
Smart people are not afraid of choices they make.
They are confident about the risks they take.

Before I die,*
I want you to know that I am dull, anxious and dumb.
I am broken and small like a piece of crumb.

Maybe not...
     He did bought me bouquet of roses,
     Or a box of expensive, assorted chocolates;
     I know I just need a piece of flower,
     He picked from the ground when we were together.

Maybe not...
     He did drove me on our way home,
     Every night when we thought every place was our throne;
     He was my king and I was his queen,
     In our world full of sweetness and beam.

Maybe not...
     He did so much effort for me,
     I knew it was and will always be him;
     Those sincere, dazzling eyes looking at me,
     With a promise that I will always daydream.

Maybe not...**
     We were always in aptness and peace,
     On days when we thought our liaison would split;
     Anger was spilling right out of our mouths,
     But still end up together among of all crowds.

She didn't know how to love. So she loved.

She loved

She loved

She loved

Inconditionally

Until what allowed her to love split into million pieces...

I used to think about us and how I fell deeply for you,
then I figured it all out. I didn't fall in love, I just fell. Because deep down, I knew I wasn't worth it. I wasn't enough. I still don't deserve you and never will.

The thing is that I don't think anyone deserves those two blue oceans you have for eyes. Nobody deserves a soul like yours.

Every part of you needs its protection walls and guards, so no one would ever hurt or damage you. Maybe I'm just a desperate girl who found a fascinating masterpiece when she got lost. But then, she doesn't want anybody to found out what she discovered.

I wish you were not that worth loving, so it wouldn't hurt that much.

Because unfortunately after all this pain, I still do adore you blondie.