The words float upon air
dancing to the tune of smoke
twisting
turning
I watch them go
from my lips
to your ears
so effortless
weightless
and yet they held the suffocating meaning of my heart
there was so much heaviness laced within
those particles of invisible waves

in one breath,
i lost everything

there was a hole in my heart
draining me of life

i put on a mask
to cover up my true nature
so that someone would come
and fill that hole up
instead slowly i began to leak
seeping into other people

until all that was left
was nothing

i opened my mouth
to scream for help
but all that came out was
a thundering silence
that enveloped the whole room
creating a black hole
leaving nothing

so in one breath
i lost everything
to nothing

The morning light creeps in,
slowly,
into every crevice
filling the peeling paint
with glistening honey dew

It discovers every concealed flaw
but rather than exposing it,
to harsh judgement
it transforms it
lighting the room on fire

I am so sorry,
For all of it
And yet nothing at all

I'm sorry,
That I let you in
Opened up my heart
Let all that love pour out
Only to be left empty,
Discarded into a spiraling despair
As if I was nothing

I'm sorry,
That to me you were everything
You were my one source of comfort
In a world of hurt
And yet here I sat
With a gut wrenching headache
From all of this tumbling regret

I am so sorry,
That I was not enough for you
When you were too much for me

i can fold over the blankets
into triangles or
diamonds
crystals on the windowpane
and the chill chasing its way inside
i can clear the counters and
string up the lights
i can twist on the lamp and
slide between the wall and some comfort
i can curl into my dresser drawers
between the sweaters and
the socks
i can draw the curtains and
drag up the blinds to let the clouds
through the mesh
but still i’m falling victim to
a lackluster melancholia
and i suppose it would be fine
if the silk of the morning
didn’t make a habit of
curling itself around my throat
before i even lift my eyes
to the sun.

holding on to nothing but empty words
the more i try to grasp them
the harder i fall
until i’m lying here,
limbs everwhere
staring up at the clear blue sky
wondering if i fly,
will you only throw me back down?