Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Oct 2014 holyoak
L
My heart is cold and my eyes are tired and I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why you can't see
My hands are shaking my lips are quaking the thoughts don't come the words aren't taking and I don't know why I can't be
I can't be what I see as me
Time flows and he goes and she won't throw words from her throat into the air I'm in despair I can't displace what's in the space  behind my face
I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why I can't be me
Shallow breathing heartbeats receding the gentle pleading to keep you from leaving the spot that ought to hold my thoughts behind my face but still I race to fill that space with who I am
I don't know why I can't see
I don't know who I'm pretending to be
Tonight I fight with all my might to find a light to make it right but I don't know who I'll say I am I don't know what's in my plan and I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why I want to see me
Happy days and sleepless nights and times without even a slight clue as to who I should try to be
I don't know why I can't see
I don't know why I can't see
 Sep 2014 holyoak
Jo Hummel
Bury me in the ocean of my tears,
please-
or, at least drown me in it.
I've grown so dependent it's pathetic
and I'm walking circles in inquiries
pretending to figure out what to do next.
Your love, her approval, their eyes-
I don't think the events of my childhood are the reasons I'm on these ******* pills.

Here's to another night hoping there won't be another morning,
and to another tear-stained pillowcase.
 Sep 2014 holyoak
SøułSurvivør
... the thing to fear is not LOVE!!!!

It's the incapacity to do so.


SoulSurvivor
I wept writing this.
I hope this helps someone...
 Sep 2014 holyoak
Tom Leveille
she was leaving
and got the gumption
to see me before she did
so we went to dinner
she sat, crumpled
at the edge of the booth
playing with her silverware
hands sweating
our knees barely touching
underneath the table
they shook like the day we met
they shook like floodgates
when the clouds get upset
her hair was drawn back
into an apology
and she didn't answer
when the waiter asked for drinks
she pans, tilts
looking for the restroom
but doesn't get up
covers her mouth
to hide her furled chin
i cut her a piece of bread
not sparingly
i didn't want to ruin the symbolism
of cutting a gangrenous thing
from ones self
she half wept out "tell me a joke"
i thought to say "look at us."
that's it. that's the joke.
the premise & the punch line
sharing some silence
here in this ominous moment
so thick with goodbye
you could touch it
i said "when they asked what the name was for the wait, i should've said "awkward, party of 2"
but that's not the joke
"knock knock"
she whispered "who's there?"
i sat for a moment and said
"so we've come full circle.. we're even in the same seats, from all those months ago"
her lips quivered
and she hid her mouth
"i just wanted to hear a joke"
she said
i came back with
*"if i fell for you in a quiet restaurant & no one was around to hear it, does the laughter of children i drempt we'd have make a sound?"
 Sep 2014 holyoak
Kayla McFarland
our love is my daily coffee
the first thing i look forward to
in the mornings.

the only difference
is that i can't add sugar
when our love is bitter,
and you've always had a thing
for liking your coffee black.
 Aug 2014 holyoak
B
| Remembrance |
 Aug 2014 holyoak
B
I remember it hurt-
Looking at you hurt.
I remember watching the tears fall down while you clung to me
Holding to me like I'd slip right through your fingers

But darling,
I'm afraid you are the one that slipped through
You let go and I reached into darkness to find you
Searching for any sign of you

"Please don't leave me like this"
I mumbled through the tears and frantic screams
Breathing heavy, chest caving in
I began to understand

I was more afraid of you slipping away
Maybe even terrified
I retire to my bed
To have my thoughts invaded by your memory

It all goes back to that night,
When I saw you hurt
Pain filled my soul
I wanted to save you

But I couldn't


B.G.K
 Aug 2014 holyoak
L
Today was interesting. I primed my walls. They used to be pink. Now I'm painting them grey. This is symbolic, I think. What would the girl who picked out the pink paint ten years ago think about her choices now? I don't know. It's pointless to ask. She won't answer.

The paint can looked like my fishbowl. My fishbowl is empty now. My fish died. He was purple. Until he died. Then he was grey. I poked him with a pencil. He felt funny. Definitely dead.

The fish was purple and then grey and dead. The walls were pink and then grey. Are they dead? Is my room dead? I think it might be. Or maybe I'm dead. I don't really know.

I feel dead sometimes. Today I ate a lollipop. I think I went numb because next thing I know the lollipop is gone and so is half the lollipop stick. It tasted like cardboard. It hadn't hurt me so far so I finished eating the cardboard-flavored lollipop stick. It made my stomach feel funny. But I wasn't numb anymore.
 Aug 2014 holyoak
Adam Johnson
Sing me a song.

     Of how you love me.

Even if it's a lie.

      I don't care at all.
 Aug 2014 holyoak
L
I can't let myself think about you anymore
Or your hands
Or where you put your hands
Or the way it felt when you put your hands on me
Or the gentle sighs I exhaled because it felt so good
Oops
I'm thinking about how it felt
And That's Not Allowed
I can't think about that day at the amusement park
Or us getting lost
Or why we got lost
Because I put the map in my back pocket
And told you if you wanted it you had to get it
I can't think about the photo booth there
Or the reason it took us twenty minutes to take one picture
Such a bad picture of such a good day
Oops
I'm thinking about it again
And That's Not Allowed
I can't think about the car ride home
I can't think about when we stopped for dinner and your parents went inside to order
We stayed in the car
I can't think about that
I can't think about the countless movies we pretended to watch while our eyes were too busy getting lost in the moment
Or how it felt to have your lips pressed against my neck
The stubble on your chin tickled in a good way
Your neck tasted good
I hope mine did
I can't think about you telling me to be careful
Don't leave a mark
And me ignoring you
I wanted to leave a mark
I wanted a piece of myself with you
I can't think about the long hugs when your hands wandered down from my waist to my hips
And sometimes (every time) even farther
Or the way you pulled me closer
And closer
And c l o s e r
Until I could feel you
Really feel you
For the first time
I can't think about the first time I fell asleep on you
You were explaining the origin of your last name
Your stupid last name that I thought would be mine someday
Oops
I'm thinking about it
And That's Not Allowed
I remember where I was sitting when you told me you liked me
I remember what I was wearing when you said I was your favorite
I remember it
But I'm not allowed to think about it
I can't think about the way you smelled--
Like sweat and febreeze and something spicy I could never place
Or how soft your hair was
Or how rough your hands were
Or how I got lost in your eyes
Those big brown eyes
I loved them
But ******* I can't think about them
That's Not Allowed
I can't think about your voice
It was my favorite lullaby
Or the goofy side your never let anyone see
Anyone except me
Why me
Why did you need to break me?
I miss you
I love you
But I can't think about you anymore
That's Not Allowed.
 Aug 2014 holyoak
L
sorry
im sorry you dont want to see the way I look at you
im sorry you cant stand the sight of me
im sorry about the way things ended im sorry for the fighting and yelling and betrayal
im sorry for the things that I said
im sorry for the way you feel
im sorry that I threw three years away and im sorry that I ever kept count
im sorry for loving him more than I love you
im sorry for not being able to change that
im sorry that you wanted me to
im sorry your friends still mention my name im sorry for the memories it triggers
im sorry for the dumb birthday present and im sorry i got mad when you called it dumb
im sorry for telling you things you didnt want to hear about people you didnt want to think about
im sorry im one of those people now
im sorry I do those things.
im sorry for calling you by your full name
im sorry for being the reason you hate that name
im sorry for every goodbye I ever said to you
im sorry for not holding your hand or giving a **** when you gave a ****
im sorry I hurt you
im sorry you hurt me
and im sorry you hate the word sorry
that's my fault too
and im so so sorry.
Next page