You say my words are too deep
But only because yours were too shallow to make me float

There's a reason we all
Have given you this title

Congratulations,
For you have been chosen
As ******* of the millenia

Bailey and Mathew
And Stephanie then Jack
Melissa
Aerrow and Anna
Olivia and Stasi
Isabel and Evan
You all care
You all ask
You all check
I'm sorry I scare you
I'm having a bad down
I mean it
A major downer
Worse than any acid trip could provide
I'm not slitting
And I don't intend to
I think I'm done with that
I think I'm clean
I'm sorry I cause you to worry
I'm sorry I'm that friend
But thats how it is
I'm in the midst of a relapse
But I'll find my footing
Once September ends
Hopefully before
But we never know
I'm sorry to make
All y'all's concerned

I started writing again a year ago for the first time since I was 8.
I started again in the hope that it would help me stop self-harming.
A healthy way to get my anger out, but for the first time in four months I self-harmed tonight.
I have cuts on my wrist, I have scars there from previous times.
I will have to start recovery again, I thought 4 months ago was my last time.
I’m not angry with myself, I have relapsed a lot.  
4 months is my new record; I should be proud of that.
I’m sorry Alexis that you know I self-harm, I’m sorry you will see new cuts again.
I’m sorry Josh, you had been amazing towards me since you found out I self-harmed.
I’m sorry I relapsed again Josh, you told me to pray to God, instead I wrote poems.
I’m sorry grandma, I know your worried about me.

I'm broken
Not bent
I need to remove all this awful
That weighs down on my soul
I'm skeptical
For all the right reasons
But I'm at a new low
Beyond suicidal thoughts
I know that will solve nothing
I've reached the ultimate zero
And I'm ******* dying
I'm starved for love and validation
I'm told I don't need
I'm hurting so much
I'm yearning for someone to hold me
And I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep
Making kittens suicidal
Heaving silent wails
And desperate cries for help in
The never ending wavepool
Of life that doesn't hear the weak
And emotionally disabled
Beg for equality
And plead for
Love
So God if You're listening
Please ease all this hate
Breeze away all this pain
Because I've been hurting
For ten long lonely years
And I need some validation
Right about now

Hey hey hey everybody
I'm here by special request
I'm a no good shitastic mess
Thrown under the bus
Kicked to the curb
Just as I deserve
I'm not worth the love I desperately crave
Sure as hell not worth the love that you gave
I'm a ***** up and a mistake
Not worth making
I'm a horrifying risk worth not taking
I'm a regret unworthy of faking
I'm so down on myself
Like a homeless puppy
Kicked and abused
Half tail
One ear
Broken ribs
With little hope
Maybe one day someone
Will take me home to love gingerly
Maybe
But not very likely