the day is coming up
and I dont
want to be reminded
of all the bad memories
why would you ditch me
for a drug deal
you could do any time of the week

the day is coming up
and I dont
want to be
reminded of the day
my dad proposed to my mom
because it means nothing to me.

gabhajanans

I used to ponder on the past,
but now I live like a free woman.

I used to be trapped in an imaginary cage,
but now I’m discovering the world that has lived before me.

I use to be afraid of changing,
but now I’m afraid of staying the same.

I used to be problematic at best,
but now I’m ambitious at worst.

I used to look at poems as a waste of talent,
but now I see them as a work of art.

I used to try hard to be like others,
but now I am myself.

recently life has been dull and grey
where's the color?
in other words
everything is normal
and nothing is exciting anymore
nothing's making me happy enough
to want to express it
in the words that roll out of my brain

today is the day
that I actually really
want to die.
I haven't felt this way in a while
regathering up my blades again
developing a sadness again
getting so bad again
I'll be dead in a week
so
until then please promise
you will love me
so I wont suffer my last week.

I CANT ******* HELP THE WAY I FEEL
I WANT TO DIE
I WANT TO CRY
I WANT TO LAY DOWN
I WANT TO JUST
NOT BE ALIVE
SO LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE
WITH ALL YOUR *******
THAT I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH
TO DEAL WITH

I'm tired
I'm tired of being something I'm not
I'm tired of giving the best that I've got
I'm tired of not living up to the top notch
I can't keep acting like everything is okay when it really is not
I can't keep giving everything I've got because I'm always left with nothing
I can't live normal because I'm ****** up mentally.

I let your life take control of
my actions and thoughts
because you were all I could
think about

the drugs you made me
consume were making me
not the same me that
I really wanted to be

every time you kissed me
it was like poison being
injected inside of me
and I was addicted

the words you spoke
made me feel like
I was something

but now im nothing
and you are my everything.

I've done it again
the monsters in my brain
take over everything
its the 4th time this month
I've tried to **** myself
how I am alive?
why do I keep having to suffer?
When does life get easier
or does it not get easier
I'm so sorry
I'm really sad

My eyes haven't been able to adjust to the light around me quick enough before my mind already started thinking. "Did I oversleep?", "I'm never going to be able to be successful." Oh how some days I hate being me. Feeling defeated after only being awake for 5 minutes, I beg myself to even be able to go back to sleep for 30 minutes to restart my day. After arguing with myself about what the best thing to do is, I get out of bed 45 minutes later. Wash my face, brush my teeth and find a decent outfit. 1 hour into my day and I'm on the edge of an anxiety attack because I feel so self conscious in my own skin. I look in the mirror and really hate being me. A day of school goes by, and I nervously watch the clock tick closer to 4 pm. I love work but I also hate it. Why do I feel the need to fake my happiness to make others feel better? Im so toxic for my own self.

as I crave your hands
connected back with mine
your alcoholic breath
starts to breath on me

and suddenly
you start to
remind me
the reason
we were no longer
"we"

I remember the day
you said you'd always love me
it felt like I had just won the lottery

because I won you
and you won me
we were both so happy

months went by
our fire went out
love was not what this relationship
was built on

all I saw in you
was hate and jealousy
that's the day when
you walked away
and we never were a "we"

you remind me of a tree
you are beautiful
and hiding the ugly.

fall
you sprout these beautiful
colors on you.
you turn into everyone's favorite.

winter
by then
all the fake and pretty
are gone.
no one looks at you the same
you are just an ugly tree.

and you try to be beautiful on the outside when all you are is ugly on the inside.

I need you
I need you like oxygen in my lungs
I need you like a heart needs blood
I need you like a daughter needs her mom
I miss you
I miss you like a cold winter day in summer
I miss you like the moon misses their mom
I miss you like a child misses the sun
I loved you
I loved you like a mother loves her son
I loved you like a day with sunshine  
I loved you like the moon loved the stars

the acceptance letters were sent
and I was so excited
because I thought my writing
was worth something
to people.

but all I know now
is that im just another **** writer
that thinks writing is a
job and not a hobby

well im sorry
but I wont make a living
on writing stories about
my love life.

lately, I can't seem to get my words
to flow right anymore
it seems the confidence I had
in all my writing skills
has been wiped.

My words are knotted up,
and this knot is the devil
I cant work with it without
loosing everything I am.

writing is starting to become
harder than my math homework
I think this is goodbye
to something that actually
made me so happy.
-H.M.

2:43 AM
I crave your touch against my fingertips
I am having withdraws because of how nice your love was.
The daily clichè was an addiction
I looked forward to it like an addict looks forward to their "high"
I was high from your love daily
and now im using drugs to replace it.
you
you are the reason I'm up at such an odd hour
and I hate you for it. -H.M.M.

if my thoughts
and feelings
were a blade
and it cut
everytime I wanted to die
I would have
500 cuts today
and im already drowning in my own blood.

As science advances, an option of eternal life on earth has still yet to come. We live knowing that we will die.
Is there a timeline of our life that we can't see?
Is there a limit to life experiences that we can take?
How come it is still so hard to accept the death of others?
You live everyday like it could be the last but only because you're told to not waste your days. You've seen many lives come to an end before they had the opportunity to realize the beauty of life.

Twenty-Four hours minus the time it takes for your body to rejuvenate. What can be accomplished?
There is no correct answer. Anything.
Many hours are dedicated to sad thoughts. Weeks fly by.
Unhealthy habits created, trembling fears followed.
The only person who understood you is gone. He's dead.

Eventually, a light shines through all darkness.
A realization of no one can live life for you, except you appears.
You find joy in the little things. The trees overwhelm you with joy cause they are so green and you've never taken time to observe.
Days following are filled with routines and productive thoughts and behaviors.

A year later, the pain is reminisced on. You notice growth.
From not wanting to live through the week to waking up joyful for the opportunities that day holds. Joy is easy to come by without trying. Sad days are limited and happiness is plentiful. The days past were not wasted but a lesson learned.

everytime
I see you
I realize why
you aren't mine.
you hurt me i
hate myself

everyday I wake up and do normal teenage things
I battle this mental hate for myself
sometimes it's harder than other times
other times I get so sick thinking about what I've let myself become.
the days I don't wear makeup are my worst days
because I don't have the motivation for anything
life can do terrible things
but I'm just not ready.

Death has been a common friend to me.
Family came into my life,
and left so soon.
I need you so much,
but you're 6 feet deep in the ground.
How is this going to do me any good?
So all I have now is the memories
and stupid thoughts that will haunt me
but not you.
But what I am seeking for is something tangible.
Nothing will ever be as great as you are.
How could you do this to me?
Just to leave me with that common friend.

I sit in this room
with white walls
that feel like
their closing in
on me

and I sit
with some lady
I've known for about a week
and I ramble on
about me being very weak.

im watching you
slowly have a harder time
to take deep breaths

please just fight for me
I need you
to do this for me

it's been weeks since
I've seen you
and its making me weak

please just don't die on me

This is not a poem,
but I just want to use pretty words to express my happiness.
Seeing the way the wind interact with the trees,
makes a smile appear on my face.
As I glance over at my family laughing together,
it makes me feel a warm feeling where my heart is.
Like I said, this is not a poem,
I want to use words to express the way life makes me feel.
Meeting new friends,
makes me feel very important to society.
Beginning a new year,
is like hitting reset on your internet history.
You are free from all mistakes ever made.
I’ll say this again to make it clear, this is not a poem.

I remember the day like it was yesterday
you lied to me
you swore that you would be back
and I believed you.
10 years later
and I still am waiting for your presence
I don't want to breath in your absence that’s been left
because I know it would **** me.
but ****,
where are you dad?
and why have you been gone for so long.
10 years from now
You will still be my favorite mystery.
At 24, I’ll finally realize
I’ve been looking forward to a dissapointment.

you see
men appear to me like
a garden of flowers
and when I saw you
I knew that's the one
I wanted to hold on forever.

you are my favorite flower
and I could just stare at you
because you are beautiful

but im the bee
trying to pick you
when all the other bees
have already used you.
but that will never keep me
from trying

and I just really want to be dead

I hope you know
that you are the reason
I want to die.

oh what I would do
to be able to see you.
and did I tell you
that i love you?

and do you remember
the things you would do
to make sure I still loved you?
God I miss you.

do you know
how ****** up I am
because I can't be with you.
I just need you.

when I see your face
all I see is sunshine
and the pain hid behind
but everyone can see mine.

did you hear
how I called out
and told you to stay
as I sat by you.

I would do anything
to hear another word
have another laugh
or even give another hug
to you

and you will forever
be my mine.