Nimble fingers break apart green stems
And I watch them as diligently as I watch him
Twirl ebony strands between his fingers
Nervously
Anxiously
Waiting.
I'm waiting for your call and he's waiting for his texts
And I'm questioning reality as my pink nicotine fingers type words
That stream from my broken mind
It hurts tonight.
Teeth tell stories and lies
And I realize I am unlovable.
Not because of you,
Or the others before
But because I am unloved by myself.

Skinny necks hold sturdy heads
Blonde hair covers red scalps
Scratched and torn apart from stress of deadlines and tests
He's not on your mind right now.

I take drags knowing they blacken my tongue
Making my words unrecognized even by myself
And I wonder where I am and when I should be home

We all want more
We need less
This world is something with answers that I feel should be left unsaid.

Stories told by tainted hearts
Questioning myself
Questioning my heart

Maybe we're meant to deteriorate
Break apart and wash away.
All we are, and all we'll be is a story anyways.
And when that story is no longer told
We'll just be a name on a piece of rock,
Left underground to rot and deteriorate
Just like we were always meant to do.

I want you to desire me
Like a cold drink of water,
In a cool crystal glass.
I want you to pick me up and press me to your eager lips and drink me like you haven't seen water in days.
I want to be the poison in your blood
That you crave each and every night.
I want you to rush into the kitchen after a long day,
and lift me up and let your lips embrace me
As you **** the life out of me because you absolutely need me.
I want you to beg for that 5 minute break in the workday
So you can set me a flame and inhale my nicotine passion.
I want you to taste me on your fingers and your breath hours after you've seen me.
I want you to be haunted by me.
I want you to desire me
I want to be desired.

And I'll admit I don't really like the rain,
Despite the beauty of it that people speak about.
I don't find it all that great.
I've been lying and trying to understand it's warmth and
Embrace the cold droplets that somehow singe my frail skin,
But whenever the world cries I can't help but feel sad.

Must we all lie and claim that these tears bring joy?
Because when I see her cry I don't smile and call her amazing.
I feel myself cry a little, too
And realize that she is in fact beautiful.

With this I realize we live in a world of lies.
We lie about our feelings,
Our experiences,
Our tastes,
Our professions.
We lie about religion,
And expressions,
Knowledge,
And passions.
But sadly enough we lie to ourselves about these things and give ourselves headaches,
And look outside just to see we're not the only thing crying.

I will hold your heart until it stops beating
And I will remember your name even when it ceases to have meaning.
I will love your face when it grows older
Even when your skin grows colder.

I remember the day I fell in love with your smile
And the day it was us against the world for a little while.
I remember smoking cigarettes and being so nervous
About smelling bad and how the nicotine controlled us.

I know that we kiss and I know it means something,
But I cherish the moments in which we say nothing.
I remember the day you went away, and we tried not to cry but the tears came anyway.

And I know you love someone else and so do I but if our paths ever cross I feel I'd be ready this time.
What we have is nothing that anyone can understand,
But I constantly crave your voice like music from our favorite band.

We are simple as rain as a tree,
Excuse me for repetition, but there's nothing to see.
We are in sync and need each other more than we could ever know,
And I'll love you forever I could never let you go.

I miss the days when our faces touched,
And our embraces spoke more than just lust.
I miss when our eyes would meet,
Just for a moment,
And you'd bite your lip like you knew I was craving your lips again
And again.
I miss the way you'd refuse to talk,
And how I'd stay up late waiting for your text messages.
I miss praying for us to work,
And praying for you to feel the same way.
I miss believing in something, at all.
I miss when the days were simple and the nights were short,
And when I'd hug a friend goodbye wishing nights like these would continue for the rest of my life.
I miss when the sun would shine brighter even through the winter.
It snowed so much that winter.
I miss running miles to see you, and hugging you like a friend,
But I know you felt my heart beat faster as you held me.
I miss your eyes and how they'd light up every time you smiled.
I miss the day we snuck into the forest and felt the trees talk.
I miss the first time I got butterflies when we kissed.
I miss the way you smell and the way your room looks at night.
I miss the seasons and I miss how they used to blend seamlessly into each other,
Like our bodies into one,
Just as the sun and moon overlap in an eclipse.
And it's now I realize that's all we'll ever be.
Just two masses suspended in space,
Forced to only admire from a far but gravity will never let us meet.
Only until the world ends will you finally absorb me into a ball of heat.
I miss you, I guess.

We always walk through rain trying to get under something to avoid getting wet.
We do this in life also.
We rush along, holding things over our heads, and try and take cover.
We never bother to stop and actually take in what's happening around us;
We're too busy trying to not get wet.
We never stop and understand what is actually happening and say:
"What a wonderful combination of hydrogen and oxygen molecules falling from the sky!" Or
"How amazing is it that my skin repels the water?"
Instead we curse the rain, and call it ridiculous.
But every once in a while, sharp darts of
reality will come and slap you in the face,
Reminding you of the season,
And how you're way too early for your next class,
Or that you need to be somewhere in 5 minutes and you're 20 minutes away,
Or that he stopped loving you after a while.
We try to avoid such thoughts because we know reality is painful,
Just like fall rain on warm skin.
We can try to avoid reality for the rest of our lives, and never accomplish a thing,
Or we can come to terms with the fact that if we step outside we will get wet,
Allowing reality to soak into our coats,
Making us cold for the rest of the evening.