It seems that I long for you
Not by my own will
But guided by a sort of
Nausea

When I see you
I get lifted up by a tumultuous
Uproar of battling feelings
Of utmost excitement and fear
That I can no longer withstand
The gravity of an ordinary Earth
Without you

When I restrain myself from
Writing to you for fear of
Disturbing you
I am pulled and struck down
With a different kind of sickness
That threatens
With the force of a starless maelstrom
To sent me down the depth of river styx

I can do nothing but
Surrender to the Nausea
Lift up my quill
And call to you
For the river refuse to be calm
Unless I obey the sickness
That guides my every move.

May it be appeased by my unspoken
Trust and loyalty
And bring me back to you.

My wings don't open
when it is time to fly

My hands shiver
before even I try

My mouth stutters
before I can explain why

My head shuts down
as I blink my eyes

I have aged
still I want to cry

nothing works fine
this piece is faulty

there is something seriously
wrong with me.

I see a ****** of crows
parting the sky with
a ******* V

it hawks and blecks
down as if to say
good afternoon
to the child wheeling
across federal
on her
pink bicycle—

a travel
that rots and witches
the sweet, grey air
sailing into clouds
of pounding tide—

jewels

colorless
and divorced
drifting
across the
blue-domed
pearl of
missing you

Life has no reason to rebuke me
as I have never asked for its favours.

Even in my darkest hours,  I had never reproached it
as though it was the cause of my suffering.

I am no stronger than any other person--
it was in accepting my vulnerable humanity
that I had been able to rise above my sorrows.

I have to move on as there's no escape route open to me.