His moans of joy whispering in my ears
As his cries of pleasure increased with ease
His desperate pants ringing through the walls
As I sit on the floor and listened in silence

Her smell lingers in me,
Her smile in my head,
As her eyes stared,
At my reflection on her coffee,
Her eyes with mirth,
And her sigh in gladness,
Crawling into my skin,
As I stare in the darkness.

And like that, everything made sense. The words she had been waiting, to **** this dream and wake up into reality; The soothing pain of rejection.

Blasphemy! Traitor! Liar! They screamed,

As my eyes bulged and my teeth grit,

My blood rose, boiled and gleamed,

You know nothing about my reality, not one bit!

My silence is cowardice, same as my noise,

My strength is my wit, but you said it was vice,

You spoke of peace, truth, love and respect,

But acted in lies and deceit, hatred when I object.

Ingrate! Fool! Disgraceful you are, child!

Cursed my existence, and my soul defiled,

I took your hand, and a dagger I placed,

End it now! End it now! End it now…and make haste!

From a distance, all I ever did was look–and look. Waiting for a glance, a small smile. And when you look back, I hide–hide so you wouldn’t see, keeping myself hidden, ignoring the pain in my chest, the heady feeling of vagueness.

A glimpse is enough to keep me breathing, move closer and I’ll run away. Away so you will never know—even after this lifetime and another, you will never know. That I have loved you, no…. will always love you—and I know you never will.

He was sitting at the corner–I , on the other.

                                               I pretended to draw him

                               because that’s what most people knew that I do.

               An excuse, I know—one that I’ll never speak of…

               So that my heart can say  it loves to draw…

                               …..and not the man on the paper .

Let my heart dance as I drown myself
in this moment of pure bliss, my love
No, I must not call you my love,
A fragile word I refuse to hold on to
As I gaze on your orbs, longing
Yes, longing from a distance.

I do not want to escape this madness, yet
Drown me, strangle me, haunt me,
So I will never seek for your love,
I will never wish for your heart
A nightmare, I will always want to wake up.