Why do I feel the constant need
to create something
do something
but at the same time
I always feel like I am too tired
and too anxious to function?

I hope one day I'll find someone who will not leave me even after they got what they wanted from me,
who will always forgive me for the stupid things I say and do.
And I hope one day all the pain people caused me will be worth it.
I hope that day comes fast
Because I'm not sure if I can wait for it any longer

No, I do not want to die
I just want to disappear
From everyone
Who does not love me enough

My thoughts are so loud I'm afraid people can hear them in a quiet room
But the look on their faces say
otherwise
or are they pretending so they could pry more?
or are they thinking the same, looking at my face to see if I could hear their thoughts?
My thoughts are like a ticking time bomb,
a few minutes away from explosion,
a few minutes from disaster.
I'm crawling towards it,
fumbling for the right wire
snapping it just in time for it to stop,
crisis averted for today.

Is it too much for you to take that I'm reaching out so desperately?
So you took me, touched me and kissed me like I'm yours.
Then I asked you to hold me like you love me, like you need me, like I'm everything you ever wanted
We're only here for tonight
And I wanted to feel that you're mine
'Cause tomorrow we'll be strangers.

I'm a bad poet
I write my feelings down not knowing where it might end up
I overthink every thing
I try to feel but mostly, I just write when I'm sad
And sad is such an ugly feeling
I'm so quick to start
But so hesitant to end 'cause I don't know how