No one knows what I knew, what I did and what I saw
No one understands what I felt, what I thought and what I've been through
No one noticed the pain, the tears, and the empty stares
No one felt the struggle, the rejection and the strangeness
They only saw smiles, faults and failures
They only heard hellos, laughters and corny jokes
They only saw what they wanted to see
They only listened to what they wanted to hear
They only said what they think I needed to hear
Cause they did not want anything more.

I find myself finding it harder to sleep at night
I can't help thinking maybe it's the light
I turn it off
and my mind creates images you can only see in the dark
I turn it back on
and my thoughts go on and on
I toss and turn
and close my eyes
I can hear the clock ticking as time flies
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling
please let me sleep, I am more than willing
For a while I can feel myself drifting away
Hello sleep, I'm on my way
But the voices
The lights
They won't let me sleep
Playing in my mind like an eager child
I'm ragged
Weary
Drowing in my own thoughts
I close my eyes and try again
I can feel daytime crawling on my window
I need more time, I wish I could borrow

you can't hold on to what isn't yours
you can't hold on to what doesn't want to be yours
you can't hold on to something that isn't there
you can't hold on too lightly
you can't hold on too tight
everything that you have
and everything that you wish you have
are never the same
you'll never learn
until it's too late
appreciate what you have
even if that means all you have to appreciate
is yourself

why not write a poem
about feasts and celebrations
instead of heartaches
and deaths

are joyful words
not as beautiful
as those that express
sadness

why rip someone's heart
out of their chest
through sad poems and
sad songs

maybe i don't understand
or maybe i do
when we're all alone
we tend to cling to things that take the pain away

writing is a cure
'cause finding the right words
to describe the way you feel
can save you

four nineteen a.m.
your thoughts
are blurring your eyes

four twenty a.m.
you tell yourself
a sleep would sound so nice

four twenty-one a.m.
you look out your window
wishing to be watching the sun rise as you lay down in the meadow

four twenty-two a.m.
you climb back to your bed
hushing the voices inside your head

four twenty-three a.m.
you whisper your prayers
wishing they'd be heard

four twenty-four a.m.
you're pretty sure
you're hearing a chirp of a little bird

four twenty-five a.m.
you let darkness take over
as you finally close your eyes

four twenty-six a.m.
you drift away
without saying goodbye

love is a lie
love is what eats your thoughts up at 2am
love is what makes you curl up in your bed with tears smeared on your pillows and blanket
love is what makes you do things you've promised yourself you'll never do
love is what you build yourself around with and when it's gone it makes you want to disappear too
love is what you throw up after a night full of alcohol and hazy memories
love is what leaves you when you already feel so alone
love is what makes your heart beat fast and knees weak
love is what keeps you from loving yourself more
love is what tears you apart just from listening to that song that once meant the world to you
love is what you make out of it
love is what makes you human
and we are liars

my mind is as empty as the sheets that i lay on every night that you're not with me
just spend another day with me and i'd be ecstatic again
i'd love to feel those arms around me again like we used to
but it feels like i've changed
and so did you
can we make things better
don't let this be the end
i know i need to straighten myself up 'cause i feel like i've always been messing things up