i have a monster hiding under my bed
i put him in a box and sometimes paint him red

he says he wants to help me but his methods arent quite right
they might take him if they caught me so i keep him out of sight

in the darkness, feeling all alone i bring him out to play
he doesnt make a sound just wonders what it is ill say

"just one game" i tell him, "that could do no harm"
he begins to drag his fingers slowly up my arm

maybe its time to stop now but ive forgotten why i was so sad
this "demon" has helped so much, how can he be so bad

when playtime is finally over and i decide to lay him back down
i have to clean up his mess or else i may very well drown

you see, i have a monster hiding under my bed
and hes what helps me cope with all the ones inside my head

You don’t know, do you?
That, in a crowded place, my eyes will always search for you
one thousand miles away
in a different country
somewhere you couldn’t possibly be
I’ll look for you
and I’ll see you there
in every pair of brown eyes
in every head of short, dark hair
in every walk that is just a bit too confident
you’ll come to my mind
your name will sound in my ears
and every memory of you will play like
an old film before my eyes
a bit faded
jumping over some parts
but holding the greatest stories
it will hurt when logic finds its way through
like the heat of the projector lamp
the movie will burn away leaving nothing but
an understanding that
this is
not
real

-h.n.g

My eyes are burning from the tears
And my fears are getting stronger
So I wrote this in the palm of my hand
While the words play louder than the band
That’s pounding in my head
In my ears, through the speakers,
But I wish it were your voice instead
With the volume up and everything else turned down
So you’re the only sound
Because you’re the only sound that I want to hear
As my eyes are burning from the tears…
And my fears…
Stronger.
The days are getting longer.
I just have to hold on.
Just hold on, I’ll make it.
I can’t take it.
It’s just too much.
I use the blade as a crutch,
But it doesn’t stop the pain,
Just proves that I’m alive if only in vain.
Going insane.
Sitting, standing, walking,
In a daze
I count the days
One.
Two.
Three.
Do you even still remember me?
It doesn’t seem to be.
Okay now, I’m losing the air.
The cold sweat on my skin is holding down my hair.
Do you even care?
Are you even there?
I guess this is fair.
I broke you, I broke,
And now my soul is yours to tear.
If you would only just forgive.
For I have nothing more to give.
But you can’t and I can’t live.
Not like this.
I just miss your kiss.
A bottomless abyss.
I’m falling
Calling
But nobody will answer.
I’m in pieces.
All I wanted was a piece of you.
A piece for you.
I want peace with you.
Goodbye.

-h.n.g

You listen to all the empty promises that it will all be over soon
And tell yourself for the very last time that fairy tale will never come true
You’ve waited all your life, tried to give the world your best
But now the time is finally here, you will get your peaceful rest
A crimson drop, you watch it fall as blade pierces skin
Then one by one you lose the sun and darkness closes in
You start to panic, just for a moment, worry it’s a hasty thing you’ve done
But then your mind reminds your heart that the battle’s already been won
Soon fear will loosen it’s grip, you won’t feel the sharp sting of shame
The relief you crave is almost here and your past the point of pain
Your mother walks in sixty seconds too late, too shocked to even cry
With the last of your breath and as your welcome to death, you whisper to her “Goodbye.”

-h.n.g

I’m sorry that I’ll never really care.
That every kiss and soft whisper of I love you,
every gentle touch and deep conversation
where we share our hopes and dreams
will not be real.
Not to me.

I’m sorry that you’re not the one I want.
That when I look at you
and know you’re mine
and I tell you how much I care about you
and how strongly I feel,
I will be pulling the words from the reserve
of what I want to say to him.
I will be completely and utterly dissapointed
in being with you.

I’m sorry my standards have been set
far too high.
So high that no one will ever
(ever)
be able to reach them.
Not you,
not anyone.
He’ll always be the best.

I wish I were a better actress.
That I could truly convince you
(and maybe even myself)
that you are the one I want.
But I’m not.
And I can’t.
I can’t hurt you anymore.
It’s just not fair
for either of us.
So I guess this is it.
I’m sorry.


-h.n.g