Oh, my God, I seek your will
While I am less and you are greater still
My lying heart tells my feet where they should go
I claim to be righteous, yet my flesh wins even so
My ears do not hear your great commands
And my eyes cannot see you from where I stand
Who I am to claim the right
To seek your will while holding a knife
That I cannot raise to end my flesh
Or cut off the hand that sins again and again
Where is the humbleness I seek
That me, consumed by pride, will never be able to reach
How unsure is my salvation
If these are the only things my life speaks
How far must you break my spirit
Before sin no longer means me
I watch the wisdom I ignore
Bleed from my veins and wage a war
Against my shame, against my guilt
And against these walls I did not realize I had built
My God, raise your merciful hand
I would rather see you than be called blessed
And why must that be a sign of my selfishness
Why is the desire to see your face
While I doubt, the **** of failing faith
My heart collapses in on my soul
While my fears converge on this road I feel I walk alone
This cannot be how it feels to be called an heir
So, my God, please hear my prayers
I know this is not the chaos of revival shaking my heart
So take hold of this monster, also known as my will
And stop it from tearing my surrendered soul apart

When I was younger,
I used to dream of flying right out of my skin.
My soul soaring from my first grade body
To where soft meadows smelled of rain.
Out, over the tarmac filled with those who wished to clip my wings.
Past those who wished to tie them down with nightmares,
How fast I would fly.
Every night, wings I never saw, but still knew I had,
Lifted me from my broken bones and my torn heart
And I was reaching heights I had always wanted to taste
And smell of soft sunshine filled clouds.

So that I was hovering, eyes wide open, seeing it all at once.
This big world and its bright beauty
So blinding,
Sometimes I had to close my eyes and feel its gentle glow on my belly
Without touching it,
Without squishing it between my toes,
I knew it sat there for me to find;
My soft place to land.

And one day it found me.
It reached out and grabbed me.
When I tried to stretch out my wings,
It grabbed me.
It grasped my ankles and tore away my dreams.
Burying my feet,
Forcing roots from my toes.
My bright beautiful earth placed me on broken ground,

Then, when my longing heart finally gave up on flying ever again,
I felt rain kiss my cheek.
I lifted my eyes to the sky, closed them, and imagined it missed me.
And as I felt the sweet kisses slip from my face, I looked down
To find myself planted
In a soft meadow that smelled of rain.