Some times I just, ache.
I just quake.
I can't give in
Or take.

Sometimes I just cry
I just lie
I can't live
or even die.

Sometimes I wonder
Who you are
and if you were
and about your scar

But you know that all means nothing.

Seconds seem alot like sand
Falling through the hour glass
Moving with the second hand
Making sure eternity lasts...

Yes minutes seeem alot like
Rulers on a counter top
and music playing music stops.


Hours seem like prison cells
Counting bricks and Record Sales
Waiting for a strangers smile
To Make a better day.

And days get me started but
I would rather leave the door shut
on weeks and months and years
I would rather be here....
Not counting moments in fear
Not planning to shed tears.

Jackknife and so intolerable so  flexible
Sway again and i crumble.
How momentary relief shuffles in

I'm late and terribly sorry
sweat dripping down its face
but i must be going now...

How appropriate of all of you

Your observation of my insignificance.

Smelling more than just the scent
And cautioning myself to understand
Why I believe the roses smell so fond
Yet death could quicken my *****.
Edging up the back of my throat
In dry heave after gag
Begging me to stop breathing
Just to stop perceiving the sight of death.

Lemon twist has always touched
this kidney and this mind
and I have never wanted anything more
than seduction into sweet sleep
through papaver.

Somniferous has always been
a friend of mine, one I have never
wanted to leave
behind.

But I must one day.

But today I ride the wave of tooth pain
and Poppy tea.

Savagely I will eat you alive.
I will brace you for the moment you die.
I will escort you to the finish line

Sweet talking delirium
Am I losing my composer
Or are these ancient spirits
truly drawing closer

Have I been given some key
Some formatted puzzle
Something to see
Beyond a rebuttal

Beyond some words that can be drawn false

You've never known me
I wont allow that.
Even though I'm lonely
I turn my back.

I am feeling a break in the fault line
I am feeling that surely it will
**** me in a very short time
If I dont move, fight not to lose
Take my time too,
This shattered earth this ground thats shaking.
It is my time that I have been wasting.

Can we say that *****
is a  million baby lives
and if I am the Demon
then you were my strife

Can we say that *****,
should never touch the floor,
A million tiny babies,
Save them! I implore.

I am not a *******
I find pleasure in just such
But if you want me to be impressed
Just try to win my trust

And if your ***** leaves you
For better or for worse,
If I am leaning into you
If we are at the church

and if you want me to
If you have that thirst


I will take your life, an essence
A precious serum for truth
A billion tiny babes,
the key to capturing youth.

We can make our own world,
a Code a mind to train.
You can be my childs father
I will bare your mothers pain.

Passion rolls away

Me I'm feeling pain

I thought that we would grow

I thought that we would gain.

How can I be me,
when every single thing
is like a suppressant
For my entire being.

Caffeine, nicotine  
Sugar and the rest

everything I consume
is a pacification at best

I'd like to be free,
Unaltered in the mind
A purist in action
a thought so refined.

Sever every broken end
I don't have the time
You were never a friend
You have proved them right
I never needed notice
I never needed care
I always knew
There would be nothing there.
And that's alright with me
If that's alright with you.
You made the choice you choose too.
Be the one to.
Walk away yeah your the one too.
You walk away.

I ******* hate you.

Shallow waters in my mind
The muds deeper than it seems
And I fool myself sometimes.
Confusing the flowers with the weeds.

I am sure there is purpose to the dandy lion
Though you pull it with out crying
And with out care.
Why did it grow there.
Why does it grow.
I'm sure there's a bigger purpose
Than we have realized
With open eyes
You don't really see.

Does your brain ever falter.
Not when I was young.
Are you treading hot water.
Not unless I'm dumb.
Do you know how to live
Living some fake lie.
Do you know how to be
no I pray to die.

DO you want survival
I'd rather not
DO you want revival
I'd rather rot
Do you want to come back
Not from this
Do you need anything
Drug induced bliss.

Does your brain ever falter
Not when I'm sleeping
Did you ever want a father
Only when dreaming
Did you ever think
not ******* once.
Did you ever live
no i never had the guts.

Watching the sun come up
So then I'm dancing in the rain
Feeling pleasure and such
So then I'm happy with pain.

And all these other simple things
Which life so wants to show me
And all these other simple things
Which life so wants to grow me.

And things which happen
It all has some purpose

Care to hear my reality
as time slips between us
and i have no mind
but the mind that beholds us

So dare to think of me as something more
Than just a washed up woman a bedroom *****
than just a person with flesh and veins
than just a being with glory and pains

If you could think of me as the stars
then i could think you are more
Than callus build up and half healed scars
I could think you are more.

I've transgressed life times
empty shells of who i could have been
Future, forward, divine signs
losing places, running in last, never being shamed

My own experiential existence
I allow myself to be one
A beautiful persistence
Forcing yourself to become.

I am what I will
That has been said
I am what I deem is real
This life is in my head

I was speaking with God last night
He was pretty clear, he said
I am with everything and
I am always here.
He said I am the choice you make,
The will you take
the hearts you break.

He said I AM your will for life,
and I AM your husband and wife
and I AM the love you give
to every one, and your self.
He said beware, Of endless suffering
and becareful not to let it in
He said watch out for the scoundrel pity
Because You will lose site.

There is, this ever turning flow,
Its to teach us, how to grow
and its painful yes I know
But its worth it, and that shows.

See the scars on my arms, they are very old
and they fade out, but they never go
and i try hard, each and every day
to try to live my life a Better way.

Because thats GOD< The desire to be better.
Thats God, sending love letters
Thats God, connection with others
Thats God, letting Go.

Some people hurt you
thats because they are hurting
and its not your fault
and you weren't deserving
but they didnt know better
because we all want to be good.
We all try for justification
and try to do what we should.
Sometimes things go wrong,
and we impose
COme on to strong,
step on others' toes
But we have to heal we have to
learn to let Go.

Holding you despite your thorns
I relish in your every twitch
The ones that send shivers down me
And the ones which embed in my skin
Affliction of some savage disease.
I understand you and purpose and drive
I know what I'm feeling inside.
Aware of the pressure in your brain and in your blood.
Aware of your spur your cane and your love.
Aware of this cyclic dangerous nature
Aware of this life and of some high creator.
I know you won't give more than you can receive, I know when your closing your pretending to leave I know in the end it will always be the same.
Kissing my wounds and healing your pain.
Some terrible control
Some quality Un known.
Some battle between
The me and the me.
Some trifling show
Of what I don't know
Some space In between
the pieces of me.

You cause such a commotion
Vitals waver at the thought
Swept me into the motion
the thought of you, my mind is caught.

I never even questioned the authenticity
I never wonder why about you and me.

Stoking those flames that bed under you
In my mind
They smoulder sometimes
And I blow them
Back to that flaming heat
And I think of you your mouth, your hands and your feet.
What a glorious creature that you can be.
Drug induced nature with eyes to see
Deep into my spectral nothing can be hidden
So you'll know my darkest rites
And you'll be thought ridden
Of all the guilt I hold
And all the fear of getting old
And all the ways you could stop caring about me.
All the ways you can give into instinct.

Blind sea gulls fly over the court yard
They smell the sodium sweat and hear the rumbling of the voices confusing them for the oceans whispers.
The people walked to and fro, from this task to that, under the sun packed into the court yard elbows to elbows waiting in line or walking through to some other destination. Never bothering to wonder about comfort.  A miracle in itself were the deaf pigeons who lived in the court yard among the ruckus. They paced on the side walk between feet and sometimes wheels, from whatever cart was being aimlessly pushed. But an even bigger feat were those who feed the pigeons daily, there for only that. Well the seagulls smelling the wretched sweat and hearing what sounded to be meaningless sloshing of water, the gulls went to land.  Upon landing they were quickly screamed at and kicked as they did their best to blindly dodge the humans feet. Finally they ran upon that area where the pigeons spend their time bobbing and weaving and they ran into the pigeons and the pigeons cooed and purred and huffed out of the way pecking seed and bread as it fell. They pigeons quietly muttered to themselves so much that the seagulls could fall close behind them reaching out and even feel their feathers from time to time with out upsetting them to much. The sea gulls tried talking to the pigeons but they never responded. Just went on cooing and purring and pecking at.... at what seemed to be food. The sea gulls soon learned the pigeons were sloppy eaters and they took to picking up the crumbs they left behind as they followed the pigeons through the court yard. The pigeons on the other hand were nervous. But they didn't think to much about the feeling. They were deaf, so what was there to think about when no one has ever communicated anything to you. Yeah the pigeons were kind of dim and they just continued on, as the sea gulls followed them, every few days asking for directions to the nearest beach. Never getting a response.

Staples tend to stick in time
Your heart it tends to beat in rhyme
I like it  more with you around
But still my feelings hard to expound

If you want timid lemmings of friends
i dont like the way that goes
but if you want loyalty till the end
I will show you my ever baring rose


My petals bloom just for you
and intruth bloom in truth
You can tear them right away
or you can watch them slowly decay.

Savior can you Save her?
Do you want to make her,
Live another day, "sure"
But what if she wavers.

Then Savior will you Save her
From all her tricks and trials,
and Savior with you save her,
From all those strangers smiles,

I dont think so.

So Savior can you Love her,
Like her daddy never did
and Savior can you brave her
Darkest nights when  inside is dead.

Savior will you Remember ever time she sighs
Savor ever moment, see through ever lie.
Let her feel like you own it, sweet and inner thigh
Keep her from her vices, and Spiritually High.

Savior can saver her, Just for this moment
Let you entertain her See that shes been shown it

Taste all of her  Flavor, and in the distance you cans ee
That she is your savior and she can set you free

But only if you save her, with your deep sincerity  

So savor her  to find your savior and when she asks for you to save her
the answer should be free.

I shivered when you asked of me, and thats cliche
But I'm not a liar and it didn't happen another way.

See i shivered when i thought of you
and all that you encompass,
I whimper at the thought of you
And all that you possess.

I am shaken by your presence the wind rolls through your hair
and you stand with shoulders tall, casting shadows here and there
Your voice can over come me, seeps into my awareness.
Your voice can become me, thats alone apparent.

I love it when you talk and I will listen full long hours.
every single thing about you makes me question my own powers
Like who is this person and how have they become
What did you do, to create this overcoming one
This Man of radiance, this angel speaking in cadence
This person with such gifted thought
This being with such magnetic presence
No other thoughts alike him.

Spring leaf You reach so new
To me you stretch to grow
Spring leaf your fingers long
You sketch in flesh a song

Caves which lead to light
You rub along the walls
Movement and the rite
Of tantric water falls.

Orchids colored flesh tone
and you and me and you
SO glad I will never be alone
you in me and you in me

I love to think out loud
just for your reciprocation
You have made me proud
Gained my adoration

You have loved my soul
Loved me in ways in which
you have made me whole
Spring leaf, finger tip

You never thought you'd be that eater of dreams
But you're edging closer now
to drawing out the sad emotive
of the child you once were
forgetting all those longing dreams
and wishes that you kept
and batting down the doves
flying upward from the minds
of the beautiful youth.