Seams so sacred
Till you rip them open
then inside
You've exposed them
rotten sutures
thread destroyed

Silly ideas
You thought
and you toyed

Never work out
You thought and  employed
a thousand wrong examples
To explain the right idea.

A million wrong translations
For a single right idea.

Love your fellow as you would yourself.

Your fingers sweet and tented red
you smell of trees and grass
you cherry picker picked  my heart
could love like this so last.

You skin burnt son, You hard hard day
You rest your cherry picking way.
You skin burnt son, You day is done
Rest you may rest you may
Rest your cherry picking way.

You pick your cherries from the tree
live this life like eternally
You cherry picking,  have picked me
live this life like eternity

You skin burnt son oh you wake me up
oh you make me up
oh you make such fun


You skin burnt sun of eternity
turn you cherry picking to me.



oh you skin burnt sun
oh you make such fun
oh you skin burn son
you make me up oh you make me one.

You  make me one

today I tearfully sigh at everything
Not sadly not joyfully
but tearfully.

My face reddens as I listen to the words of others.
Here the sound of the birds out side,
think of my dear friends and lover.
The tears will fall, i can not hide.

Have you ever just ... not thought at all

And in that moment felt a call

a deep panging with in your chest
a deep desire for a very deep rest.
A gull in  your throat, climbing out
emotion from your gut attempting to sprout.

Hot tears will roll and for no reason
You feel this emotion like you are aware of the season.
You know what it is, and that it will be leaving.

But in this moment, its forever and its real,
its the only thing touching you, the only thing you
Feel

Sub sequence
Domino
I am left
No where to go
You are right
and this we know.

Sub sequence
High then low.

You fall for me,
I taper so.

I love you now
You've some where else to go.

Sub sequence,
You move in shades of progression
One step two step
Funeral wake and then per-session .

Motionless ego
If I have let go of all my righteousness.
And all my always rightedNess.
God have you found me

Or am I just obsessed.

Infatuated
With some life long tale
Some ancient story
Some silken veil.

Treat me like a prophet
Crazy counting magnets
And moving beyond
To see the geometry.

i can't seem to accept that notion,
or find anything else to do...
but just cry sometimes..

and i cry sometimes,
God knows me well
he knows my voice
, and he can tell I am sorry...
God knows my voice and he can tell
I am greif strickin,
why did we have to lose that chance.

Our own unique....... well you know.

a little ..... something to real to say...

and now an everlasting "someday"

Its everlasting for me, oh orange rings sing so beautifully
like it was made in me....
and it was....

You know it was....
how real was that,
as real as me,
or not quite....
right... not to me.

Satisfaction never quite so painful
as after I looked to you.

For satisfaction never seemed so evil
until you told me what to do.

Intravenously Intertwined,
You just couldn't let me lose my mind.

You could have left me.
If I went to sleep I would have died.
To think i was just resting my eyes.

So tired,
pain brings no rest.  
So wired,
helps me deal with it.

No trust I had none to give.

Collecting my tears in a cup,

collecting will to live.

But it evaportated just as easy as them.

and the drug devoured me limb by limb.
Stale and crunchy Past my date.
Bleeding from the core turning to hate.
Losing myself once more, now who is to create.

The face in the mirror could not be me.
Sunk in and tired, is this the fee?
I'm to used to being waund.  
I dont want her around,
Two me, Two me,
One of me I can not see.
And left for you to choose
which one of me will loose.
I'm still tired, I'm still wore.
My veins, are still, very very sore.
I'm so fragile to delicate to survive
So for just right now I need you to keep me alive.


I dont mind your wieght on my shoulders,
just dont let me get any colder.

There is sound on the horizon
And color, shade, and cloud
And its you I keep my eyes on
Bright and burning, loud.

There is vibration in the universe,
I can feel it in the air
and when i took the skin off
It left me looking bare

But i want whats with in
Like ripping the flesh back
I want whats hidden
Like fulfilling the lack

Its you I look to,
and the base of the horizon
Its you I need
Your who i keep my eyes on
You have lit my life,
Brought me direction
Information

Fingers stretch to catch something out of touch
And reach for those things clearly never seen.
Looking for something but never getting much
And still left to wonder what it really could mean.
Wavering, in and out of knowing and unknowing
Simply bidding to short a chain to lead
Chaos is evident in all of this throwing
But there is that ever present need....
And  that liquid relaxation That ever present need,
Weaving in and out of you and them and me
I struggle for foundation and I struggle in temptation
And I haven't even found myself in this wide consuming creation.
Not, just yet, and I plan a head to day but not for my tomorrow.
FOr that ever present need.

Your lips look like shades of summer morning sky
and when i look into your eyes the reflections seem like clouds
hovering over two pristine earths, all blue with patches of brown.
You make me stutter and stop directly in my path
I must pause just to look at you, gaze at you, feel that love
that flows so effortlessly between us.

Your eye brows are like the grasses that cover plains so delicate
or like the soft hair whiskers of a feline they protect you in such subtle ways. and I appreciate them for the sweat and dirt that they have help out of those beautiful eyes.

The creases around your face all seem to point to the most effortlessly perfect parts of you and they accent them so humbly.

Enough enough I love you okay.

This month could have been so stressful.
It could have been impressing.
January had the chance to be so beautiul.
A baby I could be dressing.
Regret is such a small word for the way I feel.
I can't believe this course in life, it doesn't feel quite real.

Embers still glow from a fire long burned out
And I warm my fingers there above the smoke.
In the back of my mind I can still here you shout
But in the front of my mind i pretend its a joke.

You never truly wanted me it was just desires plan
To bring me into a world unaccepting and so very cold.
But I could have been saved or killed by your hand
Instead I am forced to travel alone to the age of old.

You brought this upon me like some destiny giving jester
and in my infant flesh i knew nothing of escape
But had you known i was going to be such a pester
You would have sooner pulled back the drape.

You would have lifted the veil on my  baby brain
and you would have left me to my device
you would have told me we are all insane
you would have then left me for the lice.

which you always did in the end
Its just now that I am realizing it.

I stand horrified
at all the ugliness you glorified
at all the pain you try to hide
and all the stories you lied and lied

You croak in fetal compression
Dare you expend to much life.

Breathe not outward

Move with in the cracks of your own foundation
Seep into the very spaces which make you weak
Fill them with the sentimental grain of yourself

Expand the distances between inner walls
and fill the spaces with the thickest parts of you.

Carpentry has always been a trade
for those who need more.

Secretly  I have stored things
and you will never see them
never break them
never free them
never take them.

They are mine and you wont hate them.

Secretly I am so many things
That you have never known

Not known me like a father knows his daughter
Or a lover knows her bed.

You dont know what causes me to falter
Or what lays inside my head.

You dont know the panging of my stomach
the growls would raise the dead.

You dont know me

My leaves have all been picked this year.
My blooms, the petals gone.
My truth has all been covered in fear
I am desperately awaiting the dawn.
Losing touch is easy, fading out is quick
Eyes which glowed once, will soon turn grey and sick.
Excelleration will slowly slow, motions comes to stop
No vision of where to go , so your body begins to drop.
Death is such a progressive thing, a sinking in of presence
Sometimes I find it filling me, A quite uncomfortable essence.
How often have I given myself to death. How often have I called it.
How often have I begged for it, to confront my issues and solve it.
Who is death and what is it... Why do I feel it, even though I am alive.
How can something living, COmprehend death... Why do I know what dying is like.
Why do I want to die?
I see winter coming, and Know deep in my bones, I haven't gathered enough resources to make it on my own. And death will make it so, that I do not suffer long.

I get angry and my eyes widen
I scream  a scream of angst
of anguish of frustration
It rips through the cords
leaving them hanging in suspense.

I scare you and I can tell.

Big man.

39,
you stand tall

You have a voice of your own

You use.

and then you hear my rage and
you shudder.

Good, You know I am just as real
as you.

I was speaking with God last night
He was pretty clear, he said
I am with everything and
I am always here.
He said I am the choice you make,
The will you take
the hearts you break.

He said I AM your will for life,
and I AM your husband and wife
and I AM the love you give
to every one, and your self.
He said beware, Of endless suffering
and becareful not to let it in
He said watch out for the scoundrel pity
Because You will lose site.

There is, this ever turning flow,
Its to teach us, how to grow
and its painful yes I know
But its worth it, and that shows.

See the scars on my arms, they are very old
and they fade out, but they never go
and i try hard, each and every day
to try to live my life a Better way.

Because thats GOD< The desire to be better.
Thats God, sending love letters
Thats God, connection with others
Thats God, letting Go.

Some people hurt you
thats because they are hurting
and its not your fault
and you weren't deserving
but they didnt know better
because we all want to be good.
We all try for justification
and try to do what we should.
Sometimes things go wrong,
and we impose
COme on to strong,
step on others' toes
But we have to heal we have to
learn to let Go.

Secretions of compassions
Given unto those who feel not

love from those they need.

Who feel not their souls
which need be freed

Who feel not they could
Ever succeed.

Secretions of Love
Given to those
who are pure as a dove


But suffered like Christ.

The innocent, not yet taught
Of responsibility,
and Clarity
and control
of your mind.
The innocent who have been

Hung on the cross

Forced to suffer

for no apparent reason.

I never fit in to
those one size fits all
catagories.
I was always to slim
or to wide.
and sometimes while listening to music
i can see myself and feel myself.
expand, or contract
and its like, in each phase of life i go through,
I'm either expanding
or shrinking.
and I dont know if one is good and the other bad,
but i know its sensational,
not painful, not joyful
its real.

Recognition  sparks in your glance,
That hesitance a wall between us.
Gleam of life in the eyes,
but insecurities demean us.

I'd like to reach out, my finger tips, your face
in a starring contest no one wants to win
and no one one wants to lose.

Just eye ball to eye ball reflecting me into you.

Don't shy away now, don't cast your glance downward
as you trace your index along your elbow nervously
I can't even hear your thoughts
yet you fear my judgment.

I want to take you for those things you think

Break your face on the reflection,
make no mistake there in lies perfection

Waste all that precious time of yours,
trying to get your act more together than hers.

I've seen you, making your self up.
Does it feel futile yet have you had enough.

You walk down the street with an aura of self consciousness.
Tell every one you meet, how hard you really tried for this..

I've watched you blame,
a temper uncontrolled.
I've seen you shamed,
man doesn't it get old.

Do you ever stop to think about what you are trying to be....
And if you ever did can you say you tried  sincerely.

Break your heart in the glass.
You can't be fake, it never lasts.  
Problems are easily hidden,
but you'll find yourself totally undriven.
I can see who you want to be,
but clearly you can't see.

YOur so bogged down
with all that plaster,
your so trapped in
life is your master.

My spinal cord drifts
Curving down my back
Its old and feeling stiff
It groans and cracks.

How many years
one thousand pass
All these tears
just to feed the grass

I spin circles in the dirt
I have never seen a bloom
And deep inside it hurts
To live within this tomb

I am so sick of nothing I have this angst that wont leave.
I have this hate that can't breathe, I have anger that wants to seethe.
I am so sick of ******* and so sick of breathing and so sick of living when will I be leaving. I am so sick of me, and I ******* love you and this hate that I have  it has nothing to do
with your love and your face and your beautiful voice
Your slow talking pace and your perfection in choice.
You heart and your **** and you name and your whole.
Its not you that makes me sick  its the lining of my soul.

I have this anger that is rotting my tongue and my teeth
this hatred that is budding  and has been for weeks.
and months and years my entire life,.
This hate that i have is causing all strife.

I am ****** and moody and I ******* hate it
I want you to woo me, try to change it
But i have to myself I have to make it.

I just hope i get out before we get jaded.

I’m reaching up to the sky. Oh I’ve been stretching so long its getting old.
Eternal but will I die, Only if this weakening soul gets sold.
Its easy to think about me, very small, very weak.
Its easy to think about you, very large in love, i already knew.
But I am reaching up to the stars for that everlasting moment,
I am stretching all my bones, just to try and hold it.
The attainment of Perfect mind, a heaven some may say.
The borning out of blind, an eternal lasting day.
And the quiet in my brain will lure it in, yes the stillness of my mind
WIll forget all of the sin, and in this cleansing moment, I will be forgiven.

They say you must hang, the cross be your stand,
Die and be reborn the third day.


And Jesus ******* Christ.
Yes I want to be just like him.

Soakers threading into me
My atoms molecules of me
my patterned skin
my pores and holes
my gaseous aura
my melting pose.

Soakers pushing into me
tricking me with some instinct
and moving in and coming home
and knowing that im not alone.

how funny it is to meet
A girl who really cares
and in the second look she gives you
you know no one is really there

How dare you touch what is not yours
how dare you love what feeds on gore
How could you think any thing more
of a spider really but dressed as a *****.

I'm broke, we established that
My foundation dwells on cracks
and in the back of my mind
I always knew you werent my kind...

I always knew she would stab my back
No doubting her no doubting that
I always new she would eat my heart
No doubting that no doubting our part...

Oh lucky it is to meet
a girl who really cares
but in the first look she gives you
You know your heart is hers.

Hind sight will measure a million miles of pain
Hind sight will say pleasure wasn't worth, to refrain
Hind sight is clear and it could save a life
If a life was worth the saving....

and its not

You never thought you'd be that eater of dreams
But you're edging closer now
to drawing out the sad emotive
of the child you once were
forgetting all those longing dreams
and wishes that you kept
and batting down the doves
flying upward from the minds
of the beautiful youth.

In such silence I feel so full,
yet boredom creeps up under me
like desire for a whole new creation
and ripping tides my body wants to move my mind wants to think,
and when they can't decide which route to take,
I fear stagnation may spoil my cycles and death comes upon me.
Death Of the most treacherous kind where I'm trapped in my body,
trapped in my mind.
And why can't these archetypes know their own play,
yes why do they do that wich causes dismay.
And why am  i so powerless and where is my will. How fast is my time spinning and how long can I feel

Cater to the charms of sand stocked lots
waiting for the wind to blow away the dust
and reveal a subtle beauty in the rock.

I tried to help but i think i'm lost

and lonely in a greater way
than some one with out some one

I guess you could say...

I had a great revelation
a feeling, a sway
and in this realization
God took you away

he said I'd never know you, never known you

and I think he was right

I can see your face by the sun and its light

But I cant hear your thoughts,

or at least i'm not sure

and I cant live your brain
and I cant endure

all the separate
all the gaining mature


I cant know you, and i cant be for sure

of what you are thinking, and what you think and who you are

Like what are you thinking are you close or are you far
what are you thinking, Ill never hear those thoughts
and it drives me insane and I feel very lost

Sucker for the counterpart, the splitting in to two.
Aching want for embrace, as characteristics are removed.
What beyond these Golden rays and reflections of fresh green,
Could be alive with in my mind, some deep unspoken sheen.
Be it treasure, emptiness, unknown to what i live.
How ever could i take of something which has not been give.
Sucker for the reflection of my own impossibility
Lover of the things i want and all desires with in me.

I fear no higher power, no authority.
that which is above, must have created me

And if i were created if i were exist, then what is purpose for denial.
Acceptance of all this life, understanding comes from trial.

I wait for you so Gold with whisper lines of Treat
and  your presence so bold, how the oceans part at your feet.

Pain always finds me, and I can say
That I am always happy at the end of the day.
I want to bleed out, and I want to go away...
Pain always finds me and I am always happy....

My nostrals breathe I know I am alone
There is no heart on my sleave, no one to call home
This universe is crooked and I am alone
I wished that you would at least reside in my home

Pain always finds me I hate you. I hate you
Pain always finds me I hit you I hate you.
I want to go away I want to bleed out

I package sweet things to say
In ribboned sentimental
You know me like I want you to.
We have taken over this rental...

Covered the walls in legends
Cobain, Lennon,  Dylan
My art is hanging every where
And for you my body is willing.

You pay the bills so kindly
I wash your dishes and kiss you feet
You always have been so kind to me
I have always drooled for your bodies treat.

Pink slip and you would never guess
Not between my thighs.
Drip drip from the tip of your tongue,
Yours to mine eyes.
And we can press it to the wall
Cage it there so it can't crawl.
Hold it down you will see
that everything is exactly me.

Some times I'm over whelmed
And I want to meld in with the mattress
You can lay your weight on me
I like the feeling it captures.
And I never feel so nervous
Like claustrophobic breath
But all at once so at peace
Resting under your chest.
And if you could just weigh me down
The panic I'm sure would leave
I could gain composer
Your weight is all I need.
And even if I struggle darling
Even If I panic
Lean on me till I'm silent
I'm sure that I can handle it.

On second thought I will try romance
I will try growing plants
I will run and kick and sing and dance
on second thought I am two
One with out and one with you.

One with love and one with hate
One with Need and one with ate.

One with Give and one with take.


Hahaha. Youll never understand

I am  Lucifer, and I am Christ the man.

I am both and I am all and
Am risen while I am fall.

I am fallen angel here,
and risen dead soon to bear

the light of the world the great sensation
The magnetism of the planets the great vibration.

Oh it all chalked up to this.
A leak in the ceiling,
A slap on the wrist.

And it never acted out.
Always stayed calm
even when you shout.

It held you tightly in place
Kept a warmth in your belly
a smile on your face,

But remember that leak in the ceiling.
Your floors rotting out.
And the smell of the dead
is really very stout.

Love you've got a problem
not a slight inconvenience
An addiction to substance
You'll soon need some credence.

Masochism
See i need you to mistreat me.
I expect you to defeat me
But you wouldn't
and I am confused.
See i like you but I am used to being used.
from a young age I was turned on to abuse
My mother said I liked it when she beat my ***
and I dont know how much of that is true
But i want mistreatment from you.
Or at least I think I do.

Sadism

I have suffered in this life to much
not to learn how to
enjoy it.

I want you to tell me i'm to much.
Try to destroy it.

Something about being broken,
and being breaking
and crying and ******

Something about all my history
all the things done to me,
I want them undone by you
By you doing them to me too.

I know you think I'm sick when I whisper

Hurt me.

But there is something inside me
hiding
and it needs you to hurt me.
It needs you to be the one
and we can pretend
that we are both having fun.

But me Im just reliving
****** up **** from my past.
and I pretend its some fetish some,
desire so strange twisted feat...
Some easy thing i keep discreet
but honestly its devouring me.