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If I grew my hair to my knees and dyed it to the color of the wind, would you still recognize him

If I pealed away at my fingers to make them look thinner, would you still be able to remember them

If I never walked into the sun again and took an eraser to my skin, just to be a bit lighter, would that be enough to disguise him

What if I even change the way I speak, a whole octive higher or perhaps lower, would his voice still be familiar

What if I make myself shorter or taller, with reconstructive surgery, do you think then you can be fooled by him

But what if

I break my nose and reshape it
   Take my lips and deflate them
      Gouge my eyes to replace them

Would that make a difference

What if I told you that you never had to see him again, that he can be different, he can be better, he could be anything

Would you believe in him





No...
But thanks for trying
When she just does not want to try anymore.
You'll always be great she says, but you made a mistake.
Steps to taking the easy way out

1. Take the bullets out of the gun. Leaving your family is harder than one thinks.

2. Love your self. For some days the hate will have ****** dammed into your sub conscious, convincing you of your futile existence.

3. When hanging yourself, forget how to tie knots. Loosen your pain. Use the rope to anchor yourself, stand your ground.

4. Repeat steps 1-3. These situations will occur again. Don't be afraid to memorize your worth.

5. Keep the medicine cabinet closed. There are demons behind those double doors that want to dissect you.

6. Breathe.

7. Stop running. This isn't a marathon.

8. Take the bullets back out of the gun, you are not in season and so refuse target practice.

9. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat step 9 until enlightenment occurs.
A different take on suicide
 Feb 2015 Graced Lightning
Q
Stages
 Feb 2015 Graced Lightning
Q
It happens in stages, every time.

Three meals a day, seven days a week
Whether healthy or unhealthy, who cares?

One meal a day, twice a week
As healthy as can be followed by exercise.

No meals a day, seven days a week
Hours of exercise
If I **** up, it doesn't stay with me long
And
I
Berate
Myself
For being so weak.

Control.
Control.
Control.
Control.

...

God******.

Purge.
Try again.

Control.
Control.
Contral?
Conpital?
Cospital.
Hospital.

Lie.
I'm fine.
Forgot.
Sorry.

Try again.

Control.
Water.
Wait.
Control.

****.
Too much.
Water goes down.
Water comes up.

Control.
Ow.
Control.
Control.
Water.
Smoke.
Wait
.
.
.
Settled.

Scale.
Too high.
Control.
Water.
Wait.

Scale.
Too high.
Control.
Treadmill.
No water.
No weight.
Settle.

Scale.
Too high.
Measure.
Treadmill.
Control.

Control?
No.
Hospital.

Lie.
­Believe me.
Lie.
Lie.
Lie.
Lie.
Finally.
Control.

Eat.
Purge.
Eat.
Pur­ge.
Nibble.
Water.
Smoke.
Settle.
Purge?
No.
Control.

Stand?
No.
Sit.
Breathe.
Stand?
No.
Pills.
Water.
Lie down.
Rest.

Stand?
Slowly.
Fall.
Stand.
*****.
Control.
*****.
Water.­
Smoke.

Settle?
Settled.

Control.
Water.
Exercise.
Control.
C­ontrol.
Control.

Die.

It happens in stages, every time.
This is a long one, whoops.
Miss Havisham has nothing on my decay
I’ve lived a thousand years in this state
In stasis my hair tarnishes grey
As the eyes behind which I deteriorate
I’ve been trapped by my old ways
Habits die hard and the twists of fate
Have deserted me to go and play
With other mortals who don’t retaliate

In frosted silks and velvet capes
Spiderwebs frame my wrinkling face
And beside me all laid with lace
The remnants of my life wither away
With a forlorn smile I greet the day
The visits lessen as I fall ever more prey
To isolation and the soft sway
Of my mind as it disintegrates

You smile politely and start to say
You had heard I was once rendered great
And good but I am no saint
I am nobody to emulate
I am frozen as a winter’s day
Stiff and still and never to change
My dusty breath will suffocate
And I beg you to turn away

Leave me in this slumbering daze
A relic of another age
Long-passed and tinged with grey
A memory inarticulate
I tired of life one summer’s day
It grew bored of me too in its way
Left me immortal and unchanged
Its cruelty can never be replaced.
The idea of this came from Great Expectations, of course, but also from the persistent feeling I am frozen in time.
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