I desperately don’t want to live in the past, but I’m equally terrified of my future.

I don’t want to be happy with you.
I think neither of us deserves it
& I want to drag you down,
even (especially) if I go down with you.

Maybe we’d find happiness together
while we’re there. Better yet,
maybe we’d find it for ourselves
so that we won’t have to be together.

While everything continues falling
into place, we lead our own lives
pretending not to know each other
because we don’t need one another
until we’ve started falling.

Sometimes, it’s the past that won’t
leave us alone. During those times
I wonder how you’re doing and I
really want to speak to you but I won’t.

Depression has nothing to do with sadness.

What they don’t tell you is that Depression is a sunny summer day and a dying autumn tree at the same time. It’s a new job while taking six classes, but it’s also a day trip to a crowded amusement park. Depression can be a tall building peeking through the fog during your first airplane ride. Sometimes it’s just the accumulated hair you have to yank out of your old hairbrush.

Most of all, Depression is having involuntarily wasted the last four hours of my life in bed and worrying that’s not all of it that’s passed me by.

Does it count as being stuck in the past if I don’t count my steps anymore? I’ll take your word for it as long as I don’t have to look up.

Love is a social construct. That isn’t to say you don’t feel it. A decades-old concept of romance has been shoved down your throat since childhood.

When you’re with someone and it’s real, you know it. Real relationships aren’t stereotypical; if your significant other really knows you, they will find better ways to cherish you than roses and chocolates. Real relationships are built from two separate personalities. They’re custom-made. Real relationships don’t fit into a box, so why do we keep insisting there’s only one way to “love?”

No one’s definition of love is the same– no one feels love the same way. Yet, in a conversation about it, you think you’re on the same page. I think this respective feeling transcends that word. I think it’s sad that we all try to express our own separate, unique feeling with the same three words.

I am better off alone. You don’t/didn’t love me. I will not beg you to do so. And though I will miss holding hands during car rides, seeing each other after class, calming you down from test anxiety, and morning hello kisses, I will be okay. Instead of telling myself I would do them better with you if I got a second chance, I will find them with someone else. I treated you too well. I am better off alone.

When breathing will only bring pain,

The kind of pain that is emotional,

You have no choice that seems rational

But to exert all force to feign

Some sort of spirit that seems real

To everyone around you.

Only the slightest few

Will understand how you really feel.

That small percentage of folk

Might even only include one

Who will straighten your backbone

And your right to whine revoke.

Forever you’ll have someone to defend,

As she has become your best friend.