So speaking of the future
is speaking pure fiction
and speaking of the future is fun

but speaking of the future can be horribly misleading and speaking of the present can't be done

So speak love not worry 'cause it'll go down in history

'cause we're here to turn fiction into fact and fantasy into reality

and we're here to write our own story so read love write love not worry

and we're here to spin thought to action so think love know love don't hurry

and the speed of love is as slow as how photons perceive us to be moving...

sigh
I'm a tremblin cockatoo
gimme a little birdie to feed
I just want some melodies to fill my ears
with corn, pop corn and butter, and
god I'm such a needy little watcher,
what am I some kind of granted taker?
am I some sort of frantic faker?
Hush, kiddo you're no failure.
That ain't no way to treat your love.
****, just forgive yourself already.
What are you waiting for? An apology?
You first.
Ha!
I'm sorry.
Don't be! I know where yer at.

hop scotch skip skop and
a bubbly trick in the pocket

we can go and
we're gonna make and
we can scintillatingly pop it

silly sunshine faucets

drip drop pop
dripping droplets
of light rain sunstain sundials
spinnin' at a thousand lightmiles
per second and

tasting of crystal pools
from the eyes
of the sun child
quite beguiled,
and certainly not mild,

'cause they're just singin'

they're singin'
radiant pure life bright light
ripple clear glass glisten

clear water shimmer

ripple dimple smile

eyes reached
crowfeet and
shimmertooth
laughter

Fear drew me,
devoured me, and
vigorously erased me.
Xe's an *******, but xe's just like me.
I'm xer ****** drawing xe
doesn't want to see.

I'm a pile of rolled up pink rubber bits tainted with grey.
I'm brushed off its desk with a frantically manic flick of the wrist.
I'll get ****** off the ground and thrown away some other day.

and I'll sit in the garbage for a while.
and I'll still be here, but I'll be useless.

Courage sticks xer calloused hands in the grimy wastebin.
Courage picks out all all my bits and pieces.
Courage gives me a squeeze and sticks me back together.
Xe didn't have to do it, but xe's as kind as xe is calloused.

and I'm still a handful of used.
I'm still a pile of pink and grey.
I've just been packed into a ball of passé.
and I smell like **** now that I've been sitting there so long.

Courage SLAPS me in the face.
Thank you, courage.
You're so right.

I will ******* erase you, Fear!
Just like you erased me!
You turned me into humdrum,
so I'll chew you up like bubblegum!
I'll spit you out like poisonous lead
and I'll make you mine instead.
I am not your ****** ******* doodle.
I am a ******* masterpiece, you ******!

It felt like
I was walkin swift,
out in snowy drift
my thumb stickin out,
just lookin for a lift and
I'm going on and on
along this icy road, where
nobody should be driving and
there's not a single flower thriving,
just a sorry soul stuck diving
into vacuous space, with
a deadpan face an
intricate lace, and a
now unhurried pace
shuffle shuffle
thumb down

a single thread,
black thin and bare
floating adrift,
in starlit air
unattached

a single layer,
not enough

cold pink hands
in bottomless pockets,
filled with keys to lost lockets
with tick tocks and tickets, bits of
tobacco, and crumpled up paper

so lift yourself to lift the veil,
but lift yourself to no avail, and
it's no matter if you succeed or fail

it's a silly serpent biting it's own tail.
it has no need for anything else.

keep on walking

One step forward
two steps back a sin
there's more firewood
for fireside saccharine
you understood now but
you really shouldn't could
in fireball frenzy fruits fryin
those fickle foosball fantasies
buying pickled paradigm
pipe dreams
war paint

blossoming
magnolia
sunrise

feather
wind
dance

swelling tides
and lilting melodies

I forgive
myself, and you
I love, and give
my self to.

I felt silly.

I felt silly because I didn't want to go to sleep and I was ******* exhausted.

But I wanted to soak in that starry soulshine you shimmer.

It's so easy to fall asleep
in it's radiant rippling warmth,
to float in it.

And it's just as easy to
stay awake in it as well,
to swim in it.

There are three things on this list:
Sleep, and basking in
your existence.

The latter is right at the top,

and  sleep  is
  all   the   way
      at    the
bottom.

Writing about you
is all the space
in-between.

But hey, I won't get too deep,
Because it's truly time for

sleep.

I'm floating in place with
no lover to face
trembling, trembling
trembling heart space
I'm spinning in circles
looking for miracles
and it's proving to be
horribly difficult
Trying to fly
with no wings to spread
I crumble and cry
a song for what's dead
the sound of alarms
ring in my head
Take me
cradle me in your arms

And and we've been pretending

we've been pretending it's all right
that it's all good

we've been faking happiness
and faking peace

we know that we've gone too far

that there's no going back

and we're all intoxicated
past the point of serenity
to the point of insanity

and no matter
how many years
of sobriety
we can still relapse

and no matter
how many days
that we act kindly
we will all snap

because we all snap
under pressure
and the more we fake it
the more people expect
and the more we pretend
the harder it is to not

and the pressure builds
the temperature rises
until one day
we crack
and everything boils over

tension
release

so it goes

The spiders are a lil upset we shined light on their webs!
They're all shiny now, well woven, and quite sticky icky.
**** their new system of slavery!
'We the People' are separate from their corporate fuckery!
We are not at war with the world. They are.
Come pray mantis with us
we will slice their silk and
make meal of their black magick.

cracks in
the surface
spiderweb crisscross
across the frozen eyelid
of the lake

cracks in
the surface
split dendritically
across the ragged planes
of my arctic fingers

capped with
weather-worn callouses

swimming through
my thick hair frosted
with sun drop water crystals
and dry winter dandruff

snowflake scalp fluff
finger fly skin flurries
and I'm a coldfront

I'm a thunderhead
icicle snowdrift
I'm a rolling cloud
ice gale moonmist

trekkin through the
frosted forest with

fairy dusted
smiles and
snow filled
mittens

I'm a
fickleberry
tick tack
pick pack
**** it like a
smoke stack and
poke it with a
thumbtack
through the front
and out the back
and swan dive
into the cork board

leave it for another day
move on forward but
don't forget to stop
and pray

tongue tied
in a knot today
like a cherry stem
tongue tried
quite a lot, I say

to carry them
ever-powerful silly
magic mouth sounds

I went for a walk today.

Phone rings.
Who is it?
Caller ID:
Unavailable.
Well, so am I.

For how many days and how many nights are in the moment of a kiss?
There is a light bulb on the horizon screaming ****** ******.
An obsidian hammer exploding into licks of carnelian flame.
A war drum, it's hide cured from the skin of the desperate.
A humanoid figure crawling out of its ****-stained cage
smelling the slime of a new day.

Little boxes smashed to bits by the stamping foot of a child.
There is a wind blowing from the mouth of the bull.
A ring of fire burns red and green from the void of the lover's soul.

Below the surface of a sea of sand I am breathing in only stardust.
My legs are tingling as they strive to wake up for this journey.

You are narcotic in your presence.
I am elated and depressed simultaneously by your existence.
A wonderful rush followed by a drunken stupor.
An ******* and a small death herein.

Here I am looking away from you because I am afraid of who I am.
I will only skim your surface because what is beneath mine is unspeakable.

I keep my eye heavy lidded,
because if they were wide open,
I would explode into treacherous rapture.
I would know bliss, and that is not meant for me.

This pain, I am only holding dear,
because it has been wrongfully taken from me before.
Please, allow me this despair. Let me feel this anguish.
Though it does not allow you comfort to witness,
it leaves no reason for your false consolation.

Look not, if it discomforts you so — to see me writhing.
Ask not of me to untangle myself from this twisted feeling.

This vine is welcome wisteria nestled in the shadows of my arms.
I ask of you to focus not on my withering leaves,
but of the blossoms it bears.

I will hoist its parasitic lavender radiance to the heavens,
an offering to the eyes of the suffering.

Do not dam these rivers lest you wish a flood upon your mind.
The ocean does not deny any a waterway, and why should you?
Are you so different from the vast gut of the world?
Let us be left landlocked and breathing hot sand.

Let me be. Let me run!

Where is the right place?
When is the right time?
To surface from the ocean of sinking sand.

The forever crumbling plateaus of this high
have me leaping from stone to stone.

Watch where yours is thrown;
where it lands you may find interesting.

This is incoherence.
I am confusion.

Where be my emotional faculty!
Where be my functionality!

Ever wandering.
Caught up. Waiting.
For the next ending.
Too busy to think of the new beginnings.

Quick! Keep going...
You may miss what's going to happen next!
But wait, wait for it...
"Right after these messages."

WHAT OF HERE
WHAT OF NOW
HAVE WE FORGOTTEN EACH OTHER
HAVE WE FORGOTTEN OURSELVES

Have we already closed
the never ending story and
put it back on the shelf?

I'll see you
on the other side
of the event horizon
of conscious perception,

where we can float around
as bubbles through
solar systems
like astral projections,

and draw the line
between love
and perfection,

so we can use it
as a hop skip and a jumprope,
and we'll do it 1, 2, 3, but
what are we counting four?

Where does the rotation
begin, anyway? Don't ask me!
Let's just go for a spin!

Right from the start
and left from the fin,

any day, any night,
love, yan and yin,
I'll see you!

"Gratitude is the attitude,"
the fat priest said,
as he was getting ready
to spready his leggies for you.

He was tryin' to
sum up a hymn 'r two
before he finished suckin'
yer cryin' cockatoo

and I don't have to tell you
that it wasn't nice, dude!
'Cause well, you weren't singin' like you used to,
or how he wanted you to, you bad boy you are
confused and forgiven but no longer can you feel innocent,
you're a sinner you ARE a sinner, and He MADE you that way,
in His image he MOLDED the clay, NO! Not 'He'!
Everyone. Every single one.
You.  

**** the use of these patriarchal pronouns in reference to The Great Spore Spitting Blossoming Mushroom Flower that we're all giving birth to and dying from simultaneously and, seriously, I'm a little bit tired of these petty **** terms with which we're supposed to identify each other. You can't define my identity with your silly communication system, that's an internal state that I externalize on command and sometimes not! Sometimes it just comes out, but it NEVER comes from the devil's mouth, unless it's my own **** devil. Give me a new ******* pallete. I pray for a sensitive tongue.

For God's sake we make ourselves and we make each other.
For God's sake if we make ourselves out to be failures, then we are making God a failure, and what's that? Laaame! But what's That?! What's that I feel? Is that some discomfort with the usage of the word 'God'? Is that a lingering connotation from the days of THIS IS WHAT GOD IS, nothing else, NOTHING else? Well **** that too! That's an endless maze you won't find your way out of until you scale the walls! SCALE THE WALLS! I make God in my own image, but I don't OWN the image. You've gotta BE the God you want in this world. Sometimes I do it when I showah 'cause I have the powah. Sometimes I do it when I'm chillin' with the great lake spirit and the great tree dendritic spirit cilia that reach up and out of Gaia like loving arms awaiting a tender embrace from a lover after years of reaching for something that cannot hold them but truly must be BEHELD. And so I learned they are always beholding as they reach.
That there's always more to behold.
And so that's why they grow.
So that's why we go,
it's why we flow.

So let's make it a collaboration.
Let's make it a celebration!
We can behold it all forever.
We can behold it all together!
Well, sometimes. Not always.
We all need space, y'know?
It's healthy.

this morning
I watched
I watched
the memories of my dreams
fade in real time
real time
almost like a fault line
building pressure where it's
cracked the surface
it's a circus
ready to spring up
buttercups
like us
at any moment
earthquake
blossom
paradigm shift
***** blues guitar riff
crescendo climbing and
diving off a tall cliff
splash!
can't miss
water glass shatter
sun kissed blue mist
rainbow shimmer
water drop
splatter
driptip
tap

this wouldn't be the first time
someone's said that you can't
put a knife through the preacher,
even when he's not practicing what he's preaching.

he's a delicate flower,
he's just facing the sun and
praying for photosynthesis

Preacher's got a sunburn,
he's a silly dude, sittin' in the field
in the blistering heat

bright bidden barley
comes sicken roasted now,
like a frostbitten politician lectures a sandy hook victim,
telling his soft couch he just won't have it anymore.
who's the prophet today, anyway?

black.
all I see — is black,
and a glow -
maybe some tessellated patterns over screenlit skinforms,
writing like they think they know what they're doing
I love what they've done to me
but I hate what I've done for them
I want to curl 'em like I'm squeezing a lemon
I want to weave a web of thunder with my skeleton
Bend me like an antenna to get reception
I'll swing my hips to your
pulse's rumpus

tickle my neurons
with your featherduster delusions

sometimes I stare at screens
because the flow of photons
over my pupils form rivers
over my retinas that sound
a thousand frames per second softer than tears.

buzz buzz bizz bazz fizz fazz shally wazz fazeem shilly shally fo sheem I'm a beam of light bring forth the maker bring forth the taker let the maker make and the taker take for that is who they are in the grand scheme of things there is no grand scheme its a grand ol dream its a grand ol stream of beams oh beam oh beam we live in a dream within a dream a mise en ebyme a tone within a tone a moan within a moan we live in a cry within a cry we live in a die within a die and it's all a lie within a lie that makes a truth within a truth after all there is no proof there's only me sitting aloof sitting in the booth waiting for my food at the local diner but I've never felt any finer than when I got that lovely shiny shiner I might be what you consider an anti-liner gotta pick up my binder and swing batta batta whisk the batter batter doughhh

The once plump
****** blister is
now a deflated ego

a portion of identity
lays separated,
slightly detached and

peeled back -
there is another layer
also dead

and peeled back -
there is raw skin
feeling fresh air
for the first time

It is stinging cool
from the soft breeze
from the swinging of the arm
at every tick tock

and the soul is swinging
from the tips of my fingers

I feel my heart rolling down
the sleeves of my shirt as
centrifugal and gravitational
forces pull blood towards the
surface of my skin and I feel
the rhythms of my systole
diastole tension and release and

the ocean leans in
for a kiss and
leaves fish stranded
on the sand

in it's parting, the ocean floor
seems to be shallower here

but it must be deeper
somewhere else
and after all

when one door shuts
another opens
when one light goes off
another goes on and
when one universe contracts
another expands

she left my harp unstrung and
played ev'ry string 'til
frayed and broken

I'm not gonna
tell you that I know
what the ****
I'm doing

Anything I
do can and will
be my unsaying

Anything I
say can and will
be my undoing

Listen to my
eyes when I go
back to the
beginning

she left my harp unstrung and
played ev'ry string 'til
frayed and broken

she left my harp
unstrung and left
me snickering and
grinning

we can only
take each other in
if we can turn ourselves inside out

and we can only
turn ourselves inside out
if we can take each other in

just breathe and go with it
it'll turn down the volume slowly
it'll pick up again in no time but it'll stop
it'll stop but it'll pick up again in no time
no time and all the time in the world
all the time in your mind

and if you keep looking back on it
so frequently
you're just gonna get dizzy
you're gonna be spinnin'
brain fizzy
fizzy bubbles in a
glass of water
clinging to the sides in little clusters
born out of black holes
emanating truth

the weight of it
bending all things into it

you can look back now
but look far
look to the horizon
reach further than that
and you'll see it unfolding
and folding in synch with the ocean
the caress of tendrils of bubbles
tickling the sandline

you'll be able to feel it
between the fingertips of the moon
where yours fit perfectly
wrapped around
warm radiant stardust
radiant stardust

that you, too
are everything

her warm eyes of
wonder and kind skin
kindle
a crackling aortic inferno
further fed
by a voice that feels
like water going down
but like a fireman
from Fahrenheit 451
sets my words aflame
with kerosine kisses
I can't and
I won't try
to ever tell you
what this is exactly
because we never really know
where we're growing
but this is different
this is painless
and it tastes like
nothing my tongue
has ever known
and it takes me to places
I've never been

I hadn't realized
just how parched I was
until she filled up my cup
as she poured out her heart
and I drank it down

I see
you're sick,
sad Sunflower...
It seems Sunshine
left a fiery footprint
on your face,

now you're
downtrodden
with rough petals
burned rotten,

wilted wills
swaying
silently to the
long lost thrills
of the fickle breeze

half dead
lazy lung
head hung low
a dumb tongue, stung

eyes staked
to the ground
words unsung,
nothing left to grow
crispy leaves crunching
You know where to go but
there's nowhere to go

stem frail, curled,
and crumbling  
a sad spirit stumbling.

I found the seeds
that were stolen from your eyes
like dreams from a child
and I planted them

Ha! *** God? hahaha
You're a ****** 'god'!
a leech, a tick at best and
sure you've got a bright side
but those interlacing threads
that you so easily hid behind
prevented me from thinking and
from feeling and I'm sorry,
I wanted to like it, I wanted to, but
I'm thrown into oblivion
by this power differential and
I'm a suspended particulate
in space space space and
whether it's perceived or
imposed is rather irrelevant
and fully functioning as he
held me close and he
spoonfed me snow and
he planted sick saplings
between my ripe ribs and
he carefully twisted them
as they sprouted out
of my skin my skin and
somehow he was my...
my savior but
he suffocated me
with his kisses and
my neck was never long enough
to pull back from those lifesuckers
and my throat was always numb
from what he put inside me and
it's what keeps him happy
what makes him happy and
my lips would dance dance dance
around sharp shards the sharp shapes
of words but I would only chew on
cotton ***** cotton ***** and
they'd never fall but
my castle sure did
my keep sure crumbled
and he's a crippled
conquerer.
I was just
another thing
to have to him.
I was something to win

sun rays wrap 'round trees
wooden snowflakes on the
sky bursting rainbows from
tips of glowing eyelashes

the crinkle shatter melody
of melting snow dancing
with a clearwater tenor

peeter peeter
twitter tweeter

sing song singgg
chickadeedeedee

on my
shhhhhoulder
bumblebeebee buzzes
big eyes and fuzz

gold fleck
sunshine dust

friendly fellow
flew

We're two envelopes!

We're two envelopes
and we're on our way
homeward and we're
two envelopes
endlessly enveloping
one another!

We're two letters!

We're two letters
and a trillion words
unspoken and we're
two letters
endlessly opening
one another!

We're
two pages!

Two pages
kissing the same
pen and we're
two pens!

Two pens
kissing the same
page and we're
two pens!

We're two pens!

Two and One

Tuesday, Tuesday...

I wake up naked in my little bed and roll several feet onto the floor.

The ceiling is always entertaining to me.

Laying in silence, I contemplate whether I should shower and do my errands, or *******.

My cell phone buzzes to let me know that an echo of one of my longing cries for a sense of connection has responded from the void.

I'm ******* ******.

My train of thought was finally getting somewhere deeper. Somewhere deeper than the considered ****** gratification, prolonged for as long as I can distract myself from reality — which is pretty much until I decide to experience the tantalizing taste of what death might feel like; a doppler of pleasure similar to an airplane flying overhead followed by a weakening of consciousness, limp limbs and a brief moment of thoughtless bliss: surrender.

I push my sorry, soar neglected body into a somewhat upright position in order to reach my phone, for which some ******* reason, I think will let me know the reality of my worth.

I press the 'power' button to confirm that I will not find what I am seeking outside of my self. I set it back down and think that I am the only person who would know how to love myself best, but even I don't know how to do that.

Well, that killed the mood.

So I stumble out of my room to search for some food in the refrigerator, but it seems that I only ever want something that is magical and out of reach. Typical.

Most of the time I really hate wearing clothes. I'm pretty good at it, though, I suppose. I used to lurk on fashion forums when I was a closeted freshman in high school, thinking that maybe people would appreciate me more if I at least looked aesthetically pleasing. I was right to a degree, but not in the way that I wished to be.

I throw on some pajama pants and an old white v-neck with some holes in it.

In the corner of the living room, my green backpack sits slightly crooked with its grey straps lying lifeless on the floor. Someone I loved but will never love in the same way again gave me that bag. It's got a bladder I can fill with liquid and a hose with a ****** that I can **** to keep me alive. It's really nice to have when it's as hot as two ***** rats in a sock outside.

But it's brisk and the leaves are crispy and falling from the dried out grey-brown branches, so I reach inside past crushed pieces of dried sage and bits of tobacco to grab my leather-bound book and ****** a ball-point pen off the table because I like to feel the resistance against the page as I write and I just can't get that same feeling with those **** pens with the bleedy cartridges that I leave in my pockets when I do a load of laundry and it leaves ink stains on only my favorite shirts. I really love them too, though. For other things.

But today I want something that isn't that. Today I want something different. So I shuffle into my sandals, and tighten the velcro straps and run out the door. The air hits me like a brick wall of happy sky breath. I'm not wearing any underwear, so I feel somewhat liberated from oppressive societal paradigms as I skip to the street. Across the road is the tree line to a million acre pine reservation. Leaning against the telephone pole, I wait for a car to pass and then sprint out in front of one that's trying to turn onto the street. I feel absolutely giddy as I do so, and keep running until I'm half a mile down the trail, another half mile away from the lake, panting with glee.

water glass
shatter
sun scatter
sun kissed blue sky
blue love white mists form
god's ****** cloud fists and
rumble tumble fumble
dipper dapper dilly dally
rainbow mumble
splatter thunder
shimmer

bright light
dial dimmer
turn it down
let it simmer
turn it around
and stop

look around, listen
see if you hear the trees glisten
try to taste the motion of the ocean
and love the motion
love the motion

spin too softly trip on gravity
if feels like a dandy
drilled cavity
pulled tooth
waiting in
the breadline
feeling forced
like a punch line

I need to be here.

water drop

buddha vishudha
sweet purple umbra
ajna penumbra helix ribbons
rise like feathers out of my face

I looked into our eyes today
I tried to smile when I was dripping with awe
and the corners of my mouth quivered 'til my jaw dropped

I sit and breathe deeply as I see our reflections
and the vertices of all our faces interlacing in intricate ways
I find myself breathing in their rhythm
I find myself telling my mother I love her

We cry jovial understanding into each other's eyes

I catapult myself up through
deoxyribonucleic staircases into
blossoming realms of emotion

There's no time! No words.
Everything is so familiarly alien
and entirely understandable.
I feel everything.

we stumbled
in tattered coats
past shattered windows
in bob-bobbing boats
on creaky rotting docks
over sneaky sharp rickety rocks
with throbbing throats
lockets lickety locked and
pockets purposely blocked but your
mouth is a wide open
crock -
a *** of dribbling *******
nonstop drip-drop
dripping droplets devoid of thought
from the chin of your
head -
heavy enough to bring everyone down but inflated enough to keep you floating in the clouds
where the crowds
look like ants with
crushed cans and can'ts
and you can't tell if
I'm alive or dead
but you don't give a ****
and now you're **** out of luck you
tiptoe on egg shells of
glass ' shattered spells

and I can smell a rat from a mile away but apparently I won't know a brat till they're under my skin and I can feel them crawling

Lady Moonsun,
you showered me in
silky sheets of glowing lovelight
you embraced me with
warm rays of shimmering soulshine

you pushed and pulled my ocean's tides in and out like a lilting melody making love to a perfect harmony

but slowly you
drifted away
into space
to shine on new rocks
leaving me cold my
ocean waves
still

barren forest goddess

the white wind is running with
the sighs of saplings

foreign spores swirl
in spirals of springtime

dancing planets sparkle in
bursts of faerie dust and
the veins are crackling with
the life of lightning bolts as
rivers bubble over with laughter

cries of newborns overlap
giggles of dying dying and
the utmost amount of trying
is crumble dry leaf soil smile

white birch bird perch
tweet tweet whistle

blinding bright white crystals
fall slightly sideways

pressure building inside of me
rather maybe it is that
I am growing large for this shell

is this pressure inside of me?
when I look down I see a body
I'm on the outside
if it's inside of me
me is on the outside
if it's outside of me
me is on the inside
what is this line
what is this border of flesh

my eyeballs are not
the windows to my soul
******* heart and you will
smell pungent truth

split my skull open and we are splitting hairs.
yes, that's how we get closer.

let my brain unravel like a fern's fingers on the forest floor.

I yearn to someday make something of utmost individuality.
But it seems today I'm pensively turning blank pages perpetually.

It seems I'm marred, and it's
macrame macrame, same thing every time.

Presumably, light of it comes, but with what am I left as it goes?

Retinal scarring! Badum poots.

Maybe some knots in the cords of my back and creases down the corners of my every smile.

What comes up
must go down
dimple dimple frown frown
Come on outside for a while!
Sunshine daisy daffodil!
Hills and valleys, mountains
and canyons it's a whole
life story out there

But then I sit down
sit down,
and pluck the same strings
same strings.
Different order
same strings.
What'sit bring?
What's it bring?

Today I sit down
sit down
to tell you a story.
It's a short story,
but it's also a long story.

Like a mountain range you see from miles away without walking it's entire length.

I was a little monster with blinders on.
I took to my parents in a way of which I'm not too fond.
I was an orb of obsession and wrinkles of scorn on her forehead.
I was particles and waveforms trying to ride a bicycle.
I was ropa vieja mistaken for some kinda soup.

Papá!
You taught me how you saw the workings of the universe but you worked it like a cockroach. You turned me into low tail low tail grinding on the guard rail. Ready to flip over the side and tumble tumble crash. I was ready to die. You sewed my face onto screens of LEDs screaming with the cries of unclothed children. and you left me crying Mäma!

Mäma!
Saving grace grave face I'm sorry for what he's done to you. I see the weight of over two decades worth of ball and chain dead leaves still dangling from your eyelashes. I see you ripping them out from the roots when it gets to be too much. I solemnly sit beside you at that cursed kitchen table trying to wish on as many of my own so that yours may grow back without any fault. Oh, but I see them sprouting out all crooked in all directions and whenever you bat an eye you run the risk of years of silent tears tumbling on back in an attempt to finally be heard.

I've learned that no truth will come from the wishes you make on the lashes you take with force. Let 'em go with grace. Leave them alone and let them fall from your face like the loudest raindrops.

Our wishes come true just as we speak —
and listen...

a humanoid figure
solemnly sits
shiny skin
shimmerin'
breathing
through slits

clad all in leather they
engulf creaky chairs
'pon which they slobber
exploding in laughter
viscous shrapnel splatters
all four corners of my headspace
deep space dead head exploded and teeth tumbling
masticating time

stumbling
emaciated efforts

the frail skeleton saunters
as bones of driftwood sing
essences of the ocean

slimy skin once taught
now slips like time as
feet of crow and bodies
reach for the earth

a pocket watch screams to a stop
black lace veils drape all the faces of the mourning universe

quite a conundrum
this hum drum dumb song I've sung
with a numb tongue I'm quite stung
by my own bone I'm quite alone
wishing that I could've shown
wishing that I could've sung
all the right tones
walking on my tip toes
untying all these ripped bows
I'm trembling as I'm in the throes
of reevaluating all that I know
from here from here where do I go
on from here how do I go on

It hung there on the wall
Staring back at me
Warped as my soul
A perfect reflection

I could see the beauty
in all the hills and valleys
but the way the light bent
into and over them
showed me an
ugliness

It minimized that which I had magnified
and magnified that which I had minimized

It hung there on the wall
in the hall
Looking into my soul
A serene pool of sharp
metallic truth
glassy

I've seen you before
and when I broke you
it left me bleeding

I found myself
and I found myself
running away

I don't want to hurt you anymore
I want to love you

but it's so hard to even look
at that flat mirror warped reflection
warped reflection

Why must we pencil dive
straight into the eye
of each other's souls?

I want to love lightly.

interestingly enough,
you left me here with
hands untied and wrapped
in psychedelic ribbons

they didn't know what to do
so they exploded into movement

cathartic motion
my eyes are crying
sometimes they do that

I'm waiting for my cue
for the next bit

sittin' waitin' wishin'
gettin' lit in the forest
with the tree spirits

don'tcha hear it?

the music of the leaves
and
the birds and
the bees

those jinglin' keys

the singing tree frogs and the falling logs
the rinkle tinklin' of the cranberry bogs

long gone, now lakes and creeks
lookin' in the water,
gettin' peeks

of other dimensions
and we're consistently reaching
new levels of ascension

releasing tension with
each and every lesson

getting stronger the
longer I'm here
the longer I'm here
the less there is to fear but

you gotta feel it
feel it without losin' it

ya gotta let it go
in order to let it flow and

ya gotta let it flow
to let yourself grow and

you let yourself grow
in order to know whatcha gotta show

and that's whatcha feel
from your head to your toes

it's whatcha feel
in your heart
high to low...

you're a gardener
and you're a seed

you're a pardoner
and you're a plead

sow yourself and
let yourself crack

spill out your insides
and don't look back

push through the mud and
the dirt and the grime and

soon you'll see the sunshine
in no time, sublime...

you'll twist and turn
in every which way

to see the light
whether night or day

Grip grip grasping at words dangling from the tips of thousands of tongues tied to the sky gasping.

Drip drip dripping in viscous dew they slip slip easily from frantic fingers.

The cup held with patient hands is being ever filled forever overflowing drip drip drip.

See sentences swingin' from spit slingin' serpents.

Don't be rippin' 'em down.
Try listenin'. It's a
trip trip trip

palms out

blistering sunsets
burn my skin

I watch the ball of love
get further from me,
falling a w a y

It was always out of reach,
but I could feel it's warmth
as long as it was in sight,
but, no longer

It forms rivers from dry wells.

In it's absence,
it has them brimming,
now overflowing, down
channels of skinclay
wrinkles

they run deeper,
than the roots of
the tallest trees,
falling slower, than
the softest cries,
unheard

rocky river ways
froth from the mouth,
splashing and bubbling
in maniacal sadness -

silent white water rapids.

Tussled and unkempt,
shriveled livers beg for mercy,
hidden behind layers of rotting drywall

a rusty sledgehammer.

unused

rip me from the rafters,
frayed ropes laughing at death.
I am still breathing,
fiberglass and sawdust.

Insulate me.

[I][am][in][love]
[I][amin][love]
[Iam][inlove]
[I][aminlove]
[Ia­min][love]
[Iaminlove]
in][love
[inlove]
in[love]
[in]love
in[]lo­ve

oh, sick mongrel-tree-tearer!
your poison blood crackled
lightning right through our
interwoven riverways! pour
pour pouring sap now from
our broken branches broken
twigs dead leaves, dead leaf
leave us now! and we are no
longer sturdy here, you took
our raindrops away and you
dammed up our waterways,
we are cauterized! stray cats
crying mrow mroww trying
to fend for ourselves, but we
were fed rat poison, and you
fed it to me since ever, since
I was a little kitten. goodbye
you little friendly sociopath
what are we a box of ghosts?

destroyer of the void
I am glass shattered sun
scattered high beams

leaping from one black hole to another

I am finding nothing but the light within my soul bent into empty caves empty caves abyss forever
keep spitting

you're mine forever
chain link and snap

seratonin is an inhibitory neurotransmitter

happiness means
less neural activity

stop thinking, brain
stop it, please

but I will know joy from suffering
so I will know bliss from despair

**** me **** me I want to feel alive
train wreck train wreck

someone
pull me out of the
hole of *** the
hole of gender the
hole of identity

it is raining

my words drip along with the raindrops as the sides of this meatbucket crumple inward

plastics melting and
canvas fibres disconnected

i am frayed eye lash
eye lash pull scream and

eyes twisted in shapes unseen
body convulse and and convulse in
I'm confused why am I here

take me away from
this body
this now

losing my eyes would help everyone else

Save me a smile or two, please.

I filled the caverns of my eye sockets with spoonfuls of confectioners sugar.

Injected play dough into my veins and played with my pulse like silly putty.

Artificially flavored fluids collect in my lungs as I lie struggling to breathe around swollen nothings.

I still have eyelids flapping wildly in the wind over these several sweet mountaintops, only tips of the iceberg.

Bags of skin droop 'neath curlicue loopdiloop eyelashes, over and onto bloated cheeks inflated with forced happiness.

My tongue is swollen with misgiven wishes, protruding from crusty lips, overworked in an attempt to shape a beautiful reality.

Creamy caramel creeps from the corners of each belated blink.

My pores are pushing daisies up and out of my skin as they gush glowing-bright-white yellow-matter-custard, smelling of childhood memories.

Save me a smile.

Fine.
Lock me out,
fine gentleman.

Don't let me into
your silly suitcase, mister suit man.

I like the shine in your shoes.
Did you do that all by yourself?
and your salty silk-noose...?

Falling
around the edges of a *****,
dripping dropping slip
slop dope.
Nope.
Can't find the rope.
Sweet cantaloupe,
I can't elope!

Into the fan,
I wrote words, and
they got chopped
insideup
out the other downside
inside the turnstyle
beside the burn dials.

I can't take you
where the fractal ferns reside!
You just broke me like a stone thrown!
You're a sick stone stealer!
I know what you like to own.

Sticks and bones
may make my homes but
words will never

do it