See it melt you
You're eyes see what you can't have
Stone heart and warm fingers
A struggle between easy and bad

Never Mind  what they tell you
Never Mind  the games that you win
Success means nothing to that one
To her you'll never fit in

There goes the young man who hurt you
He'll torment and invade your mind
You want to strangle and beat him to end it
But an eye for an eye makes you blind

Expand and contract for salvation
Surrender to what you don't know
Love takes and it takes and it breaks you
So you grab what you can and you go.

We used to talk more,
you and I.
When I was the sea and you were the sky.

I'd sit with you and hold your head.
And ask you how you like your bread.
and maybe kiss you on the eyes.
and let the winter hide your lies.
And listen to your sleeping cries.
and your heartbeats
your cavernous chest.
Your mystery waiting to be explored.
But others ignored.
And I grew
like i said i would never do

and so
i forget that I am in love with you.
But you are good.
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And I miss wanting you.
I miss what you brought out in me.

I know the next will not know you like I did.
Because my beloved you are dying.
You're melting, bleeding, drowning body, will sink us all.

Or perhaps not.
Perhaps you are just the healthy body you always were and your fever is killing me off, like an infection.

Let me stay
I promise to worship you
once I have control of my limbs again
and can stand in your sight.
and love all of you
I can still hear it
The still surviving pulse.
Forgive us.

Let me be calm

Let me be free

This is not all I am allowed to be

Let me be wild

Let me be proud

It does not mean I am always this loud

Let me be happy, let me be sad,
and occasionally
let me be unreasonably,
and furiously
mad,

Let me be Poignant,

Let me be deep

Yes I am sheltered, and yes I will leap,

Leap with no fear and leap with such force

Because art and purpose will serve its course

I am a vehicle of the soul, and a pardon from god

A label will brand me and cage me and blind me

But the labeler’s mind will lose me or find me.

I am so much more than a statistic or name,

So much more than a figure of a body or frame,

So much life,

so much breath, so much thought, so much depth, so much fight, so much light…

So much to learn and so much to know. So much to change, so much to grow,

So here i stand, alone and untamed. I am unarmed and silent and i am never afraid…

So don’t dare decide that i’m something i’m not, don’t dare cast me in your story if you don’t know the plot.

Let me define my own divine path. Your imperfections are teachers and i love you for that.

I know not my purpose,

i know not my goal,

but this is the song of the many sided soul

every word you write is not for me and never will be
unfortunately
i'm not stupid

i want to get high with you

no no

no

i want you to be my high

i want to take you in, hold you in my lungs until i turn blue

and then finally i breathe you out

every piece of you sparkling as your arms pull me down

forcing my eyes closed because i’ve never felt this good before

my limbs melt and your skin brushes against every inch of skin causing it to erupt

i hear every layer of your voice, humming some unrecognizable tune that i know i had heard once before

and that nostalgia lifts me up

i try to reach up to you, but you are just out of my grasp

and i laugh

because i know that i can never touch you

but i can have this feeling whenever i want

I.

A chance meeting in an abandoned place led to
weekly discussions and shy smiles neither of us
wanted the other to see

II.

You clung to me closer than a wet t-shirt and
became my shadow, always at my feet.

III.

A long time away from home in a mysterious
metropolis gave you my cold, hard message without
directly placing the dagger in your center.

IV.

How could I have not noticed how
beautiful you are? How
could I not keep you? How?

I.

Two lost birds searching for a warm nest in
the dead, wet winter through crystalline castles of
grey and black snow.

II.

Quilted blankets on the ground covered all the broken glass as we
listened to old music and pretended that
we weren’t smiling so much.

III.

I have splinters on my hands and legs from the bench on
the huge rock on the mountain where
we first kissed.

IV.

The juniper trees are still as green as the day you
fell asleep in my lap during
the thunder storm.

V.

You wrote your name with your tongue on
my neck that’s covered with bruises and
is white like the snow that never came.

I.

We exchanged sterling rings beneath a massive willow that wept for us as we carved our names into her and mutilated the thick skin of her base.

II.

You smelled like oak and patchouli and I smelled like gratuitous humility to be wrapping myself up around you like silver paper on a precious stone.

III.

You wore white and I wore black to match our deepest energies that whirl and dance and create beautiful creamy grey when we make love.

IV.

Under twinkling, tiny lights that looked like stars or fairies we linked pinkies amongst the dwindling sun light and an anxious moon.

V.

Our bodies begin to melt and disintegrate because the sparks are becoming too electrified and molten.

"I still have your books. Do you want to grab them and maybe get tea with me?"
Nov. 1st 2013

"I'm so sorry for bothering you last night."
Nov. 25th 2013

"You are killing me. I ******* hate that we can't talk."
Dec. 19th 2013

"I saw that you've been listening to Tom Waits' "Small Change" I hope you think about me when you listen to it."
Jan. 21st 2014

"God, do you know how ******* happy I am that we are getting back together?"
Feb. 10th 2014

"Please don't let this be the last time we talk. I can't lose you again."
Feb. 14th 2014

"Wow dude. You are ****** up. Your friends told me everything you've been doing."
Feb. 15th 2014

"You have no idea how much it means to me that you texted me about graduating. I was thinking about you during the entire ceremony and wished you were there to meet my parents."
May 16th 2014

"I wish you were here. It's my birthday."
July 12th 2014

"Happy Birthday. I remember last year when we went out with your family and it was so much fun. I love your family so much."
August 29th 2014

"I'm finally letting you go. I'm laying down the weight of you. I still love you, but I finally realize that I will never get to see you again or hear your voice. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it. Maybe one day we'll be able to talk but I'm not going to be hopeful about it anymore. I hope your dog is okay."
Oct. 23 2014