your intellect stands ahead of your immaculacy
and your heart of diamond

mindset an enigma, a paradox
i sat in the corner, trying to figure you out

physical appearance not lacking in any way,
magnum opus, james dean.

italic my insides rot with the thought of you belonging to her.

you're my favorite variation of reality
my one and only way out of a feverishly clogged society

i'm afraid i threw the tea into the harbor
i ran away with you in my mind

but when i returned, somewhere between comatose and awake
i saw you, and it was like we'd never met.

i cut the black ribbon that connected our hearts

next day-
i see you here with a ******* your strong arm,
one of my best friends.

you traded whispers in my dads maserati
for chilling on her torn couch

it's ******.

my veins are fried,
frontal lobe is hysteric

instead of crying myself to sleep,
i decide to put on a politician's smile
and swallow my robitussin pride

you tore my ribs open
inhaled my smoky lungs


so i take your weaknesses
and fashion them into insults-
nearly as painful as the ballpoint pen you shoved into my heart

i bet you're telling her the same **** you told me
ver.
ba.
tim.

copy paste
you can't recreate what we had

i'm waiting, impatiently,
for the house of cards
you built
to shatter at your feet

and wipe that smug smile off your face

the fall of a lazy empire
never sounded so desirable

your inappropriate actions were swept
under the rug of the public

especially this afternoon,
when you brought along
your newest lover to a board meeting

your victory was simply accidental, darling.

but, when your corruption is exposed,
it'll be made sure that your fall is a cushioned one

and you'll see me, in your rearview mirror,
laughing while your universe comes crashing down

the man behind the curtain
that decided my worth

took his turns deciding whether or not
he felt like pretending to care about me

he oftentimes played the role of god-
and everyone owed him a favour

he wanted the rush
he inhaled from parkour on the week's end

and the kind of romance
he devoured in science fiction novels

i was too afraid to get off of my knees
and to not address him like royalty

but i let him file me down
into a perfect wife

knees on the ground,
my head stayed bowed

obedient like a puppy
scared out of it's wits

eventually i unlocked the door at the top of the cell

just to find him sitting there,
lit cigar (elegant this time)
and a novel
while he watched my mind absorb the smoke

do you still feel young?
when you look into a mirror
and read the bent image

a wrinkle here,
a freckle there.

your features aren't looking the same

but that's fine

i too will grow old

old age, like death and heartbreak
comes to everyone
fueled by the smell of adolescence

take my fragile hand in yours,
you're not as lonely as you think

breathe in the brisk air
inhale as the nostalgia
courses through your veins

i learned from the best,
not to take nostalgia without a glass of water

the hallways are shallow
faces pass by-
another person i don't know

i habitually scan each person's expressions
to see if they're as blank as yours
nobody is quite like you

with your long hair
dark like tree bark
and your definite smokers cough
that you never held back from me

as you ran your fingers through my hair
constantly having a pack of marlborlo silvers
peeking out of your back pocket

it's not quite the same without you,
i hate to admit

but if you returned,
you'd just add another cigarette hole in my heart

remember those days?
our faces were blushed pink
and snowflakes stuck to our hair-
dark, compared to the pureness around us

our hands were carefully laced together
underneath the lunch table
while we casually joked with (your) friends
i'd squeeze your hand-

we had a secret that everyone knew

like a smokers cough
or a cold sore upon the lips of a promiscuous woman

oh, those days,
i would like them back
but you took them in your bag
when you left forever