your intellect stands ahead of your immaculacy
and your heart of diamond
mindset an enigma, a paradox
i sat in the corner, trying to figure you out
physical appearance not lacking in any way,
magnum opus, james dean.
italic my insides rot with the thought of you belonging to her.
you're my favorite variation of reality
my one and only way out of a feverishly clogged society
i'm afraid i threw the tea into the harbor
i ran away with you in my mind
but when i returned, somewhere between comatose and awake
i saw you, and it was like we'd never met.
set me on fire,
inhale every word i might say,
treasure my scars,
and grow fond of how i got them,
i'd die a million times over,
if it meant to have a love like this
don't hide reality from me,
i hate it,
but give me a dose of it daily,
you always know what's best.
love me when my heart's in miami,
or when my clumsy hands intertwine with your artistic ones.
we'll prove them all wrong, babe.
i cut the black ribbon that connected our hearts
i see you here with a ******* your strong arm,
one of my best friends.
you traded whispers in my dads maserati
for chilling on her torn couch
my veins are fried,
frontal lobe is hysteric
instead of crying myself to sleep,
i decide to put on a politician's smile
and swallow my robitussin pride
you tore my ribs open
inhaled my smoky lungs
so i take your weaknesses
and fashion them into insults-
nearly as painful as the ballpoint pen you shoved into my heart
i bet you're telling her the same **** you told me
you can't recreate what we had
i scrape the bottom of my bucket
to find traces of emotion under my short fingernails
not enough for my on-stage production, however.
i'm merely a robot,
designed to work at maximum efficiency
with no error
but what about emotion?
i ask, mining myself like a forty-niner
you're too young
what the hell do you need emotions for?
they say they're more trouble than what they're worth
but, i want to feel something
without jeopardizing my efficiency
and how others perceive my efforts
is this curiosity my own?
or, like everything else,
is it a man made sentiment
hidden deep within my membrane?
you held me
in what seemed to be my darkest hour
consoling me, rather passionately
as the car radio contradicted
my hysteric tears
at my tear-stained knees
and held me tighter
the vehicle came to a stop-
and as did your masquerade
you left me
with nothing as little as a goodbye
but your shoulder was soon covered
in a mass of curly blonde hair
she looked back at me in my sorrow
and gave me a wink,
"you'll miss him tomorrow."
"i'm sure you're still breaking hearts with the efficiency that only youth can harness."
where did you ever go so wrong?
you were the top of the class,
now you're on the ineligibility list
with your two o'clock beauty queen
and you've happened to acquire some sort of...
distasteful humor that i don't remember you ever having
just remember this, when you go
i was there in the beginning,
but this film seems to tragic
for me to stay around
and if i do,
i'll enjoy fanning the flames
'13 was a war.
several battles one after another,
each increasingly worse
than the one before it
i was laughed at by the corporals
and disgraced by the lieutenants
every loss was the same despair on repeat
somehow, i managed
to dig my dignity out of the bin
and get enough strength
to kick my enemies
in their already bruised shins
they say a new year,
a new chapter,
but for me,
it's a whole new revolution
and i'm in the lead, this time.