In the small hours of the morning,
Over the putter patter of rain,
There is a girl who hears them speak ,
And gladly does refrain.

She could not see what the world saw,
She sees not in black and white,
But in a vibrant vivid shade,
Radiating with light.

Music was her therapist,
The baseline was her friend,
And the chorus was a fantastic day,
You didn't want to end.

Because even on the coldest nights,
Music was always there,
And even in this mad mad world,
Music was always fair.

It was there from start to finish,
To when the day was done,
Through sleet, snow and wind,
Or on a dazzling island in the sun.

And as this girl continues,
But does not know what to say,
She can just sigh and know,
It is time to press play.

Dear Daddy,
Do you know what these men say to me?

With their
eyes and their mouths
when I walk on the street.

With a grin and a nod
and a look up and down.
A wink and a kiss
and a cat call heard from downtown.

With my skirt short
and my top
low,
It’s a cold world daddy
and no
doesn’t mean no.

Daddy do you know
how these men look at me?

Like I’m a piece of meat
strutting down the street?
With my head buds in
and my favorite song on.

I’m asking for it Daddy,
I’m in the wrong.

Do you know how it feels
not to wear what I like?

To walk a little faster
when I’m alone at night?

Daddy the world is my predator
and I am it's doe,
Daddy what happens
when I can’t say no?

Not once did I say I love you.
Not to them.
Not to you.
Not to myself.

But if it wasn’t love,
How can these feelings linger for so long?
Is it the fact that you were never mine?
Well, not mine in the normal sense.

You were my best friend.

Sometimes,
I think my letter is what made you leave,
But that can’t be true.
You left long before I even wrote the letter.

There were letters before that.
I wrote them late at night
When I couldn’t get you out of my head.
Those letters never met paper.
They all sit on my computer
And in my heart.

The letters that begged you to stay.
I wrote that you should go,
But you would know to stay.

The letters that told you I was lost.
I wrote that I was fine without you,
But you would know I am crumbling.

Maybe it’s because you know me so well.
You know me better than I know myself.

Maybe it’s because not only do you know me,
But I know you
Better than you would ever admit.

Is that why you cut me off?
You don’t want me to know you anymore,
Or do you not want to know me?
Or, maybe,
You already know how much you hurt me,
Without me ever saying a word.

I don’t want to believe it was love,
So I’m never going to say I loved you.
Not to them.
Not to you.
Never to myself.

It's been drilled in every poor man's head,
by a man only slightly less poor
"money cannot buy happiness."
But I disagree!
If you say that,
You have not watched your father scream at God at 7 in the morning,
questioning His existence,
as we get kicked out of
the second house that year.

I no longer find excitement
in new places.

You've never waited for the first of the month.
Every month.
In order to eat something other than spaghetti
and dollar store hot dogs.

You've never had your power shut off for an entire month
And watch as your family rips apart,
boiling water on the stove just to bathe.

Your parents owe everyone money.

You've never worked in order to buy your cleats, yearbooks, and school supplies.
Only to have your parents take that money, too.

You can send your vibes,
and tell me to think positive.
But the world is distorted!
Our lives are only better now because my family got jobs.

Before,
I watched a bulldozer
go through the house I grew up in,
as the bank sold our home
and built an auto-parts store over dirt
I used to ride my bike on.
The last pieces of my grandmother, crumbled.
My father stayed up every night
and slept through every holiday and birthday, since.

Is that happiness?

I sometimes wonder where I would be if I didn’t have that voice inside me,
Telling me I should give up, I’m not worth it, I’m ugly, stupid & fat,
That voice inside me screaming at me, making me feel I have to see the local quack.

The screams get louder and louder, while I become weaker & weaker,
However, what that voice don’t know, is I get more eager,
Eager to win the battle between myself & my madness,
My friends bring me joy & my family brings kindness,
These are the very things that the voice cant bear and this is why I am so lucky to have friends and family, who love me and care.

When the world is shouting at you, give up,
Its like a turning lock, it wants you to feel as to what the voice makes me feel,
Powerless, faceless, speechless, unimportant and indecent,
The world is full of stigma, with it they bear the sign of hate,
I feel I have to pass the ethical & a narrow-minded gate,
In order to achieve in this ******, judgmental world,
These people do not know they have sold their soul to hate things they do not understand.

But wait, there’s guidance, a whisper among the herd of negativity,
I can hear my voice coming back, giving me my sanity,
It brings warm joy, hugs and acceptance,
Something that people cannot or wish to understand,
I will carry on running to my goals, even if I run myself into the ground,
I will not quit, the voice and the stigma in this world are just waiting for me to drop, but they are giving me a reason,
For myself to enjoy life in every season,
Whether it’s Winter, Summer, Autumn or pretty spring,
I look out of my window and see beauty as I see the birds open their beaks and they sing.

I thank this world for keeping me going,
For not letting me quit my future showings,
Where I will find love,
Where I will find my dove bearing its heart to me,
Where I can finally be free,
Free to change the world with words & actions,
Where I will not be sanctioned.

So what am I trying to say, is never quit,
Don’t feel you have to run up that hill alone,
Don’t feel you have to suffer in pain,
Don’t feel you have nothing to gain from speaking out,
Don’t feel you cant shout out to the world,
Don’t feel you have to cry behind closed doors,

Don’t feel that you are a lost cause,
Don’t feel you cant live like this anymore,
Don’t pretend this feeling your going through is not sore,
Don’t feel you have to lie,
Don’t feel you need a reason to cry, just cry,
Don’t feel you have to quit, you are strong, you are a sleeping warrior,
Once you see that your mental health and your voice inside you is your armour,
Nothing will stop you.

Be strong, I am with you, going through the same thing too.