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The sun tipping over the horizon
Lifts my lids each revolution of this Shady green sphere...
And for a few brief seconds
The fingers of sleep
Drag me back.

Warm pressure on my eyes,
Pooling, (re)opening them to the last
Paradise;
The only oasis where your eyes are not closed
And your bones are not dust somewhere
Mingling with the soil in Pittsburgh.

Just the same, I know you're the product now
Of some hypnagogic state;
Of the last traces of theoretical DMT swirling in my brain
As is leaves Morpheus behind in the shadows.

You're just the most beautiful hallucination
The truth in the chaos of dreams
Cluing me into what I've been denying
For 13 years.

Impossible that I've preserved you better
Than any mortician could have
In the recesses of my mind
You are a perfect replica
An unholy copy of the original
All creamy skin
And ocean eyes,
Full-lipped smile tipping somewhere between
Arrogance and joy.

"I'm gone," you say. "I'm dead."
Repeating what I already know
"I'm dead, I'm not coming back."
On repeat like the worst kind of ear worm;
A carousel of sound that dips and weaves through every filament of Unconsciousness.

Denial; like reaching out my hands
I shove against the reality, against the unreality
Against the prison sleep has woven
And crash forth
Damp and gasping
Like breaking the surface once more
Teetering over the horizon with the sun
Into the waking hell of another day.

The carousel makes another revolution.
See you on the other side tonight.
Grief can take you places
where love never will;
valleys of sheets, unclasped
hands: your eyes,
an ocean of sorrow:

walking away from the shore
and into the deep blue
deeper, and farther;
I forget
I can't swim.
I love you,
like tragedy loves me.
She counts her shells

her feet sand ribbed
her toes ricely white
her hair windy vagabond
her eyes low tide sea.

She gives me back my years.

Through tears
I count eternity.
~

the smell of timbers,
aging in the sun and daily misting;
neath the shuffling sound,
footsteps of a man,
bucket filled with daily catchings,
the reeling in of memory’s castings,
of creosote's faint lifting,
drifting on the breezes;
of old tackle boxes,
of shrimp and lures;
the gatherings of hands,
ragged and weathered,
the collecting of years;
of hand-me-down hooks,
bobbers and sinkers,
the odd bits of dust,
gathered in corners,
pliers worn by use and rust,
save from drownings
grateful rainbows
one by one,
their too-short lives
extended with each
catch and release.

tired ropes wrapped
’round bent iron ties,
summer-time-baked...
cracked and dried,
by day's too old to count,
the numbers, the flutters,
since this heart began its bleeding,
it's journey beating,
floats of faded red and blue,
recall of a yesteryear
of a grandfather renewed;
the one-time, one-day
he and i walked
hand-in-hand
down a dusty road
to an old, wood fishing dock
on a grassy river bank;
dock and day long gone,
but love-scribed now,
deeply in this memory.
a day with rod and reel
when on a river long ago
a boy and a man,
an afternoon of fishing
to his heart listening.
a wistful day
of boyhood’s dreams
now in wishful haze;
forgotten midst
the growing years,
tumbling out in verse,
those smells, the sounds,
now reel out words
between the tears,
now catch-releasing,
a heart's docking...
and memory’s rebirth.

~

*post script.

funny, this memory thing... how we can be so not conscious of what lies ’neath its surface, but then is reclaimed in vivid, YouTube vision by the smallest sight, sound, or smell.  with a childhood spent 8,000 miles and an ocean away from my home country, i have scarce few memories of my grandfather.  today i am grateful to reclaim this one, a tearfully joyous recall of a six-year old's wonder-filled afternoon,
caught and released so long ago.
Sometimes I have to find an in between,
So I can break the ice.
And when I do I can slip through.
Sometimes I cant comprehend a meaning,
Or overlook the littlest thing.
I look for a gaze,
Or touch.
Then I can capture what I want so much.
I want to be close enough,
To see a vision of myself in your eyes.
I want to view the possibilities in your smile.
I want to enlighten myself with you awhile.
I need more than a glance,
Or a quick hello.
What you are thinking is what I need to know.
Could it be something more than what your showing?
Or did I miss out on knowing?
I want to be close enough,
To hear your whispers in my ear.
I want to see into our future,
Of the happiness we could share.
Could we be just two hearts that never joined.
A chance that was never taken.
Or a love that was bound to be forsaken.
Sometimes I have to find an in between.
So I can break the ice.
And when I do,
I can slip through and hold your heart for a lifetime.
_
1. Tuck snakes-and-ladders under the bed for your monsters’ play. You’ve grown too smart for this. Take a sip, and plan meticulously for the next move. Checkmate, you should say it with a straight face all the time. Life is but a series of games for some; yet a series of well-thought jokes for others.

2. We were pawns, yet we pretend we weren’t.

3. Chivalry is but a dream for the hopeful. Every tactic would be used in war, just for survival. A mask is just an armour in disguise, and I do not plan on asking for forgiveness.

4. Who can you believe? Your right-hand man? Or your left? Hand me a bow and arrow and I wouldn’t hesitate to point it at you.

5. I have died once, and I’m not afraid to face death again.  

6. In the end, we were only as good as prisoners of war. Only the like-minded triumphs in this madness.

7. Why are you forcing your beliefs on me? I won’t greet you in the morning with my knees on the ground. So please, stop trying to move in grace, as if you fell from it.

8. I am just thinking about the next habitant of this mausoleum. Embalm these glorious feats. And leave behind the emptiness in this chest. Don’t look at me that way. You only have yourself to blame.

9. I won't be another one of these carcasses stacked in this pyramid, for you to ascend this ******* throne. If I can’t have victory, neither can you. Now tell me, what is a king without his soldiers?
Art
If I could describe in words
This feeling my heart
Then this would the wildest poem
And the most beautiful art
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