ＯＮＥ:
we were so silent
yet the sound of
our shaking hands
and our eager hearts
filled the air like
the noise of
screaming infants

we were so young,
so innocent and
we just wanted
to break the silence

ＴＷＯ:
a year passed,
and the silence
got more comfortable

it was like
a blanket wrapped
around our
icicle arms

and i loved
this form
of quiet

it was the kind
of silence that
did not make
you crave
for sound

in that moment,
i felt deaf of
earthly noise

and all we
wanted was
to stay wrapped
around each
other's silence

ＴＨＲＥＥ:
and i don't know
when the silence
started to become
painful like a
knife with no handle
that I've been
holding on
too tightly

the feeling
spread from
my fingertips
into the nerves
that scattered
my body and
into my chest
which it deemed
permanent residence

and i can't
blame you
because i know
i hurt you too

we couldn't say
anything because
we gave ourselves
two choices:
speak a war
or let our words
die in our tongues

we chose the latter

we didn't know
what we wanted    

i don't know
what i want      

and we were
so silent

and silent
we remained

I slept 3 feet from the edge of the bed tonight
thinking it would save me from falling off
and waking up to reality.
But I woke up on the floor, delirious,
curled up with a picture of you

i. when I was young, I was never complimented. I never felt good enough and it hurt and somewhere along the line I began complimenting everyone because I was never complimented and I never wanted anyone to hate themselves the way I did. just because I call a girl pretty does not mean I want in her pants.

ii. we live in a country where a gay poet spoke at obama's second inauguration, where five openly gay senators serve, where all fifty states have had a gay elected officer in some capacity, so if I were to be gay, what's the problem with a relatively unknown sixteen year old girl from a relatively unknown town in a relatively unknown state being gay?

iii. do you want me to be gay? do you want a better, more socially acceptable reason to make fun of me? is my weight not enough?

iv. I was taught the term fluidity by my best friend Alyssa. she firmly believes that sexuality is a spectrum, like many other things. I have a different view on sexuality because I see it as a spectrum, not something that's set in stone.

v. I like making people happy, I like completing people, I apologize a bit too frequently and I was taught how to accept people.

vi. just because I call a girl pretty does not mean I like her. just because I say a dog is cute does not mean I want with the dog. just because I say a painting is pretty does not mean I am going to **** the painting.

vii. aesthetic is a very important word.

viii. there are three kinds of attraction, aesthetic, romantic, and ******. just because you have one does not mean you have all three. just because I like the way something looks doesn't mean I am going to have *** with it.

ix. sexuality is an Identity. not a YOUdentity.

x. I'm not gay, but if I were, trust me, I wouldn't go for such a whiny little *****.

My heart melted at the temperature of her words.
But it would not freeze together at the absence of her voice.
The orchestra of her vocals ceased for an instant,
the musicians halted their strings to leave room in the air so that her thoughts could be heard,
mulled over by the world,
and exalted as the word of god, for truly she is a goddess

A bite.
A painful, swollen,
itching to be noticed
lump, that,
once I delve beneath the surface of temptation,
I see it for what it is;
a burden.