***** you for ever saying you loved me
and for ever making me fall in love with those eyes
the words you spoke at 2am on long summer nights
***** you for ever letting me listen to your heart beat instead of the silence
and for ever kissing me at the park that unforgiving July afternoon

Even though it's not your fault I feel so deeply about you
regardless of the time apart and the dwindling conversation
regardless if over the years I've fallen and fallen out of temporary love
because I craved to fall back into your arms

You may never understand what goes on in my mind to this day when I see think or hear your name
You will never have a clue about the sick feeling  I still get when I talk to you

I wish that over the years I could have moved on so easily and met some other person who made me feel the way you still do

Unfortunately that won't ever happen and neither will we

you cant just avoid me and use me for your own pleasure
then tell me you miss me knowing id extend to desperate measures
just to make you mine again and bring us back to january
when i was your sanctuary
but now the image of us is nothing but imaginary

you were the rain, always falling when you weren't suppose to
i watched you wash away smiles and flood entire parades
like the rain you kept me indoors,
you were never really my type of weather

was it love or open heart surgery?
i think it'll take me years to find the answer
because well
for years you were my answer
and i'm beginning to learn you don't matter
all that much.
it's strange how something so small
can become something so large
and vice versa,
like how you drove my heart
through the brick wall i've been
staring at for too long
how you woke me back up
how you never said i wasn't enough,
how you loved me more than i've
ever seen someone love another,
until i lost you too many times.
all my strings came undone and
my marbles went rolling and
i had this steady voice in my head telling me
something was missing. reality wasn't real anymore.
this is emptiness and i'm learning to embrace it
this is me yelling at the god i don't believe in
this is tracing the remnants of your veins, like
the roadway map i followed to forget us
this is me meeting the day i met you
i'm shaking my soul so violently maybe
i'll shake you from my memories too

Off                   comes my slip, socks, sanity and an echo
Goes                 up my spine.  
The                   men
Film                  my sinking heart  
And                  dive into the  
Filth                  plastered against my mind without a thought  
Of                      what moments define me.
That                  girl who used to wear a  
Shirt                  embroidered with flowers and had a mother  
Making             her a meal with love is now working the  
Room               with what's left of her.
For                    -ward motion depicts nothing
More                 than bones and memories never cherished.

i want to kiss every inch of you
and light a fire deep inside your ribs where your soul sleeps
i want to be what awakens your spirit
what sets your mind free

they say you accept the love that you think you deserve,
and i wonder what love  that belongs to me
and which i accept  and maybe deserve.