when i die
dont put me in a dress
dont make me look alive
dont clean my skin
dont put concealer on my scars
dont close my eyes

bury me with tears staining my cheeks
burn me with my lips bruised
with my skin ***** and my knees scraped
let me die the way i lived
i will not rest in peace
let me rest in chaos

is it too late in the game
to try and change?
too close to the end
to start again?

if i changed now, became the person i wish i was
accepted myself and said **** it to my parents
to anyone, everyone who said i was wrong
could i change forever?

i feel like my happiness
isn't worth the struggle anymore
to lose so much, just for what?
peace of mind? comfort?

i feel like the weight, the attention
to who i am, what i want
would be too much