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Oct 2015 · 443
a conversation with myself
chaos Oct 2015
you're turning into your father, you know.
     yeah. I know.
didn't you tell me you would never do this?
     yeah. I did.
then why are you doing it?
     I don't know.
why don't you just stop
     I'm in too deep to stop.
that's *******
     yeah. I know.
you know what you're doing would break her heart
     yeah...I know.
she would be crushed if she knew
     ...
you know this will end badly, don't you?
     pretty much.
you know how you're on antipsychotics?
     yeah?
you shouldn't be drinking
    
or smoking cigarettes

or doing molly

or taking dabs

or cutting yourself

or starving yourself

or making her think you feel more than you do

or--
     get the **** out

fine...talk to you soon.
chaos Oct 2015
not 18
throat burns from a cigarette
smoke expands in lungs
a head rush, 6 shots
avalanche voices and empty bottles
hands shake, a stumble, a scale
a fall, a brick wall
bruised knuckles, stinging legs
dilated pupils, look, don't touch
numb ***, emotionless
they fall in love, she blinks
mimic the movies, mirror the books
they think you love, they think you think
drugs, cigarettes, meaningless ***
pills, starving, self-scarring
smoke expands in lungs
throat burns from a cigarette
not 18
yet
that moment when you realize that your entire existence is exactly what they warn you about becoming when you get older.

— The End —