not 18
throat burns from a cigarette
smoke expands in lungs
a head rush, 6 shots
avalanche voices and empty bottles
hands shake, a stumble, a scale
a fall, a brick wall
bruised knuckles, stinging legs
dilated pupils, look, don't touch
numb ***, emotionless
they fall in love, she blinks
mimic the movies, mirror the books
they think you love, they think you think
drugs, cigarettes, meaningless ***
pills, starving, self-scarring
smoke expands in lungs
throat burns from a cigarette
not 18
yet
that moment when you realize that your entire existence is exactly what they warn you about becoming when you get older.