i love you

three silly simple stupid words
That I cannot help myself from saying

as we cuddle on the couch
i'm finally able to forget how I usually feel

surrounded by this warm glow
brought upon by our closeness

you squeeze my hand and snuggle closer
silently

i realize it may be too soon
i explain you don't have to say it back

but i felt the need to give you
this piece of me

and in the end
you realize you didn't want it

in the same way I don't

I wish I could get out of my own head
Its not a very comfortable place
Every little corner is filled with thorns
And I’ve never had a green thumb

A brief moment of shimmering and brightness
More intense than I knew possible
Eventually returns to the comfortable numbness and sadness

My life before you was okay
But I need better than okay
I don’t want to go back to okay

I don’t want a replacement
I want you

And I know the things that I miss aren’t specifically yours
But it feels like after an eternity I found you
And I was perfect

Someday I’ll get back there
It’ll be missing you

But I won’t be