I remember screamed profanities
I remember slammed doors and cupboards
I remember walking on eggshells, slipping silently around the house, not flushing the toilet - hoping to remain unnoticed.
I remember strained car rides and feigned happiness - for the relatives' sake.
I remember the blessed gift of headphones - that drowned out the rage and replaced it with joyful music.

I remember hiding behind schoolwork
I remember 5:00 AM Saturdays, doing yardwork, to keep the peace.
I remember racing through dinners, eyes down
Being done before being done

I remember strained birthdays
Unappreciated gifts
Forced gratitude

I remember graduating
Boarding a plane
And never really going back.

My head is a mess but I can't write.
I'm wide awake in the middle of night,
Just trying to sort things out, work things through.
But I keep coming back to you.
I write if I can gather the will,
I wonder, do you read them still?

Just send me a message I'm not far away, I know we argued the other day.
I'm not sorry for the things I've said,
It should've been kept inside of my head.
But they were true,
And just a few.
I could've said more but,
I hate our wars.

We're not friends,
That was the end.
I guess,
We gave it our best,
Did better than rest.
We took our time,
Should've been fine.

My head is a mess but I've managed to write.
I'm still wide awake in the middle of night,
Just trying to sort things out, work things through.
But I keep coming back to you.

I write if I can gather the will,
I wonder darling, do you read them still?