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Herman Nucleosis Jan 2018
Everyday you profess
That despite all the mess
I look nothing less and
That you love me so dearly
But often I find
That your actions are blind,
Your words out of rhyme,
And it leaves my heart heavy
So i do want to know
You, in answer, should show
How far will it go
How far will your love take me

Will it warm me in winter?
Take me to a dander
In the fields, while you whisper
Again and again that you love me?
Will it lead me out west
A new, thrilling quest
As you lie on my breast
And sing a melody?
And if i took my own life
By noose or by knife
Will i see in the afterlife whether
Your words were spoken truly?
Unfinished
Oct 2017 · 338
Vigilance
Herman Nucleosis Oct 2017
And as I love you every day,
Every day I let you go
Slowly, slowly, for you won't stay
Nothing does, and this I know.

I hold your hand, so small in mine
Always thinking of the coming days
When we fulfil the grand design
In which we both have parts to play

Will you be spending your years with me
Or leave me in a month or two
Either way, it's plain to see
You'll leave me never, until you do

For enough of life I've witnessed now
To know this to be pure and true
The best in life's but loaned to us
To be snatched away from me and you

So with every hello, I bid goodbye
In my heart, a most preventive stroke
And when you turn your back, I will sigh
Mended my heart before it even broke
Oct 2017 · 189
Constant Independence
Herman Nucleosis Oct 2017
I have to learn how to live
Without you, once again
To wake up to my own quiet mornings
And start my daily routine
Without the sound of your car engine in the background

I must get used to booking flights
With no one but me in mind
Not trying to adjust to your schedule;
To picking up my bags and quenching my lust for adventure
At my own pace

I should sing myself to sleep at night,
A lullaby of solitude
Gradually forgetting the sound of your breath
Syncing with mine as we enter dreamland

For everything is fleeting
Someday soon
You will fly away
And only the self remains
Jun 2017 · 4.2k
Of Marriageble Age
Herman Nucleosis Jun 2017
I told my mother I wanted to be an astronaut
And she smiled and said, "My sweet child,
If you go to space, you'd miss your years:
The laughter of your children,
The embrace of your beloved husband.
Better not waste your life amongst the stars
Once you are of marriageable age."

When I was nearing graduation
In the golden era, the high of the times
I wanted to venture out and learn more
For myself; I had dreams of becoming a hero,
A revolutionary mind, a change in the world.
Alas! My darling, he looked at me with love
And uttered, "But I will provide for you
And our children, in our pretty little house.
What of education, when you are
Of marriageable age?"

One time in a playground, watching
My young boy conquer the slide like a warrior
While carrying my newborn doll in my bejeweled arms,
My neighbor proclaimed, "Oh you are
The luckiest housewife in our neighborhood!
A rich and faithful husband and such
Beautiful children! How I wish
I were as favoured by fate as you were
When you were of marriageable age!"

And just today, while visiting nan
I sipped my afternoon tea, staring at the sunset
I recalled to her the missed opportunities
Of mine own personal growth
And she, rocking in her ancient chair,
She replied to me, "But what could you have done, my dear?
You were of marriageable age."
May 2017 · 202
Mr. Left
Herman Nucleosis May 2017
Kind
Clean
Simple
Comes home to mom at 19:00

Good
Moral
Smart
Never gives cause to quarrel

But no matter how hard I try
He doesn't seem to be the stuff
I write poems out of.
May 2017 · 1.1k
Self-Absorbed
Herman Nucleosis May 2017
You know
As we were waiting for the chariot
To take him over the setting sun
To the distant land beyond the mountains
I was too busy weaving my sadness into sighs
Thinking of nights when
I will be alone again
That I didn't realise until much later
That he was taking in huge gulps of air
Trying to stop beads of tears
From falling
My Adonis
Do you really love me that much
May 2017 · 860
2 pm
Herman Nucleosis May 2017
The mighty Ganges continues to flow
Through land toiled by blood and tears
But little do the people know
Our love has long counted the years

As the stars twinkle in the night
And lovers gaze upon their glory
They recall our song and shine their light
To tell the world about our story

Before the waves crashed upon the shore
And the thunder roared up in the skies
They sat in a circle in days of yore
And nightly sang our love's reprise

And as the mountains crumble to dust
And the winds herald the closing of the gates
Remember, my love, oh if forget you must
Our love will endure, even Time will wait
Feb 2017 · 670
Caesar
Herman Nucleosis Feb 2017
i listen to them murmur, "o dear friend why
a noose round and round your neck you did tie?"

how presumptuous! you nor i do not get to say
whether a person decides to leave or to stay

but 7000 miles means little, i still can feel
the impact of your last breath, all too real

instantly i see that the fault lies in us all
as we simply watched and let him fall

no, people, the problem is not that we let him die
but that we let him live alone, every day just getting by

pain never goes away, someday soon we'll find
that it simply gets passed on to the ones left behind

i will try to remember your laughter and tears
and the memories of those youthful ten years

and more, i was not counting on your exit so soon
now i sit here and write a poem out of tune

like the songs that you wrote, cheap and discordant
but the melody you penned in our minds now important

i am sorry, goodbye, maybe we'll meet anew
in another life, another time, a world made just for you
May you find the rest you'd been yearning for.
Sep 2016 · 525
September 26
Herman Nucleosis Sep 2016
What do you say to life
When it comes knocking on your door
Saying "Your time is almost up"
And you look at all these things
You wasted

Remember that dusty keyboard your mother bought for you
Instead of buying groceries she bought you that
Because you'd always wanted to play the piano
But your family budget wouldn't allow
Extra expenses for the lessons and the piano
And you played simple nursery rhymes on it
London bridge and twinkle twinkle
And found joy in matching some notes from songs you loved
But you took it for granted
And that sacrifice
Was wasted on you

See those gray hair stands your father started having when you went to college
And you believe it was most likely because he was trying to send both you and your sister to good schools
Because your government fails to provide free quality education
To the youth it expects to carry the nation through
Yet when was the last time you touched that hair
Do you even recall how it feels to run your hand through your father's hair,
His face,
His floor plans?
Those
Were wasted on you

Hear your sister breathe peacefully
As she dreams of the storks movie you went to see this afternoon
In your futile attempt
To correct all the wrongs you did to her for twelve years of her life
How your destructive, violent behavior
Was always poured out into her sweet, innocent soul
Because you justified that you were afraid
That if she didn't fear you
She would never learn to be strong
And face the world
But in truth you were just a monster
And you realize now
Now that time's running out
You realize that those first twelve years were the most important
Because if you only did the right things
Your bond would have been cemented
But you were a monster
Who did not know how to express the tides of love
Who damaged her emotionally by pelleting her with bullets of unnecessary lectures about the pettiest things
And you cry and plead
For life to bring it all back
To bring all those years back
Because more than anything else in the world
It is your sister you love most
And she was wasted on you
I am sorry, sister
Jan 2016 · 313
The Revelation
Herman Nucleosis Jan 2016
I have always had this unfortunate tendency
To feel bad about hurting the people who've hurt me
Jan 2016 · 490
A Parent's Responsibility
Herman Nucleosis Jan 2016
As I move along the line
Your absence will constantly remind
Me that you chose to stay
In that same destructive state
Rather than blossom into
A better person

You failed to realize
That in raising a child
You also have to grow
Up and outward to show
Them how to live
A life worth living

So absorbed in the me, me, me
Covered your eyes so you'd not see
That you let the monster in
Allowed it to eat your children
Until they became as poisoned
As your soul
Jan 2016 · 273
Tribute
Herman Nucleosis Jan 2016
I wonder how many people
Spend every day of their lives
In happiness or despair,
In rapture or apathy
Without knowing
That a poet bled ink
To write about them.
Jan 2016 · 348
January 11
Herman Nucleosis Jan 2016
O mother,
Ye the sea who hast crashed upon the shores,
And shapest the precipitous cliffs of my childhood
Thy lull hast eternally calmed me to slumber
In truth the ululating howl of thy grief
For the moon.
The jaundiced glow of the distant orb
Beckoned upon thy aching soul and
As the world turned each night
Thy waves slammed harder against the cliffs
Not as easily hewn as the rocks of my youth
Thy insidious carving would taketh aeons to break them.
Farther and farther from me
I stood steadfast and watched
The waters yearning for the lunar glory
So distant yet magnetic,
Uncovering the depths of thy being
Something a stationary monolith
Can only ever dream of
Struggling with old english grammar
Dec 2015 · 421
Nowhere Is Safe
Herman Nucleosis Dec 2015
From far away, a voice recalled
Me to the days gray, gone, and old
Dear mother tucked me in to bed
And warned me of the night ahead

Of the many monsters lying in wait
For an innocent child to bite the bait
From head to toe, they'd eat you whole
Skin and hair and bones and all

But daylight it was when uncle Strouss
Brought Teddy into his colorful house
His dad's brother helped him unbutton
While in the frame, Jesus looked on

And don't forget, it was a bright day
With Dianne there along the walkway
Wearing her shorts; the weather was hot
But those who saw her called her "****"

It was a good time, Lyda thought
To try out the new dress she bought
But men around her looked at her funny
Eyes all over her temple, her body

Mike went out for a drink with Sybill
He didn't know that drink had a little pill
The next day he woke up stark naked in bed
Beside the monster he thought was his friend

Among necktied men, Jenny sat busy
Focused on work for a 6-digit salary
But some monsters are pros too, chum
And he felt her up and left her mum

And as I tuck you in to bed, my child
I will tell you all this world is scary and wild
It is never safe for you and Teddy,
And Dianne and Lyda and Mike and Jenny
Oct 2015 · 287
Nevermind
Herman Nucleosis Oct 2015
And when all has been said and all has been done
That's when you realize just how wrong you've become
Time and time again, you let your walls fall apart
And time and time again again, build them around your heart
Because despite promising to keep yourself hid
You silently hope someday someone will rid
You of your sorrows and take time to unfold
The stories within you now getting cold
But for all the cement you've wasted on rebuilding
You should by now have more than just an inkling
That no walls are too high for someone intent
To touch your soul and ease your torment
No Woody, no Pooh will come warm your soul
And the camel is tired from running after your goal
So keep to the silence and for the thousandth time say
Alone means less joy, but also less gray
Oct 2015 · 311
October 21
Herman Nucleosis Oct 2015
She snapped at the bus driver
Put on a grumpy face
Must've pulled an all-nighter
Explains the lack of grace
That night again you meet her
And remember who she is
That dying child's mourning mother
Come to give him one last kiss
One **** remark might offend
Outsiders who know nothing
But she was facing her beloved's end
Forgive me for immediately judging
Aug 2015 · 582
I Have Two Hands
Herman Nucleosis Aug 2015
As I watched the tears stop flowing
Down the face I loved so well
I realized in that instant
It was the biggest mistake of my life
Letting my right fly across her cheek
Blind anger wasn't justification
Nor her reasons for falling out of love
But the thought of his lips
Touching the mouth that whispered
Words that could shake my world
Was a serpent that coiled round my heart
She turned her back for the door
My core, my love, my life
Leaving the way she had come
I reached and struggled
And fell asleep entangled
On the floor, between the ******* of comfort
And everything was fine
Tomorrow, too, and the next
Until one sunset soon after
I found the room empty
Except for her memories
And her laughter, her scent
Her spirit, her ghost
I ran, I ran, I ran
Like a magnet pulled toward the north
I searched for her
My core, my love, my life
I ran until my years had come and gone
I searched until my eyes were holes
But I never would've found her
Had she not revealed herself
And embracing her I knew
That her body was my place in the universe
The wound in her heart had healed
The wound in my right festered
Eaten by guilt every single day
My left atoned by fitting
A ring of our eternal covenant
Through her finger, one of ten
That would brush my hair 'til I felt safe
To the end of her days
Next hour will mark the seventh year
Of the world's continued existence
Without the beauty of her life
And with my two hands I wish
With all the heart of a tired and longing man
For a place in the sky
Where I could meet her again
My core, my love, my life
Mar 2015 · 2.0k
Music to Move the Stars
Herman Nucleosis Mar 2015
My music was between the lines of a poem,
The letters of a word half-hidden in the roaring tides,
The strokes of a brush that capture a smile
And the heart of a damsel whose love was denied.

My music would have brought kings to their knees
Would have divided mountains cleanly in two
My music would have been enough for any other man
But you haven't ever been just any other man, have you?

The day I stopped singing was the day that the doors
Of the heavens opened up and let down a star
As you climbed down from the celestial, in awe, I surrendered
The beat, the melody defining the beings that we are

Presto were you, and anon I was captured
By the light that you shone which blinded my core
Faster and faster, my feet danced to your rhythm
Until I let go and it wasn't my dance anymore

The threads of fate composed this powerful duet
But in giving me you, she robbed me of my voice
Your pull was too strong, however, and I stayed
I know now, as always, it had always been my choice

We took to the sky, and there in the vastness
An alcove perpetual for me was allowed
And in the cold and silence of the infinite universe,
Music formless was what I found

Our union was a battaglia, and they, in nonbelief,
Declared it folly, our war against science
But two hearts we were, yearning for one precious thing
And we journeyed the center of impossible in defiance

As our love crescendoed in the tumult that followed
It was inevitable, my esse became fused with yours
Until entirely, I gave up; we coalesced
And three majestic stars we bore

But for all the serenading that our love can provide,
Our music that traveled through the energy of the cosmos,
In the end, I was not meant for this world, I realized
And perhaps all that we can ever be is almost.

For even in matrimony, t'was something else—
The marriage of space and time— you held dearest
And in your continuous pursuit to unveil eternity
I was left to wonder, for what do I really exist?

It was pure, yes, but turbulent was also what it was
For even at the apex of humanity, love is not perfect.
In our quest to find meaning to the things around us
Gradually, we recognized our need to disconnect

Astraeus must have thought it dry amusement
To have us meet, and fall in love, and collide
And become supernova, briefly the brightest, only to collapse
Within and upon ourselves, swallowing the light we provide

A piano with a missing key sounds distinctly different
Though despite it all a maestro can create something new
Which might remind us, every day of our lives
That our love wasn't strong enough to carry us through.

I look back and see that even after you have also lost
Your voice, our music played on, note after note
But it was not the kind of music to move the stars
And so, as we part, this to you my love I devote
The title comes from Jane Wilde's memoir of the same name.
Inspired by the movie The Theory of Everything starring Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones.
Feb 2015 · 484
Sometimes
Herman Nucleosis Feb 2015
Sometimes
I wash the dishes
Sometimes
I sing while washing the dishes
Sometimes
I cry while washing the dishes

Sometimes
I dream of faucets
Sometimes
I dream of things that cannot happen
Sometimes
I cry because all I can ever do is dream

Sometimes
I feel like I own the world
Sometimes
I feel like I'm unimportant
Sometimes
I feel nothing at all

Sometimes
I think light bulbs are amazing
Sometimes
Stray dogs make me believe in tomorrows
Sometimes
Life in all its grandeur isn't enough

Sometimes
I hate the heat of the sun
Sometimes
The deep sea calls to me
Sometimes
I am deaf to everything

Sometimes
I am overwhelmed by the cosmos
Sometimes
I think everything is one-dimensional
Sometimes
There are stars in the city sky

Sometimes
I listen to people drone on and on
Sometimes
I find myself speechless
Sometimes
I am terrified of the words that storm from my heart

Sometimes
I hate the world
Sometimes
I hate the hate
Sometimes
I hate for no reason

Sometimes
I read news about measles
Sometimes
I eat and eat and feel guilty afterwards
Sometimes
My poems just don't make sense.
Dec 2014 · 431
A Softer Man
Herman Nucleosis Dec 2014
If my father was a mountain
I'd never mountainclimb
If my father was a door
I'd never come inside
If my father was a garden
He'd have a fence for me
If my father was a father
Now that's a different story

If my father was a bridge
Who you kidding? Bridge to what?
If my father was a wallet
Well he wouldn't have much
If my father was a desert
I wouldn't be the rain
If my father was medicine
I'd most likely be in pain

If my father was a house
I'd rather stay homeless
If my father was a shirt
I'd always wear a dress
If my father was a pepsi bottle
I'd choose the one in can
Life would have been better
Had my father been a softer man
Oct 2014 · 1.9k
Lady
Herman Nucleosis Oct 2014
Little bird, the Little bird
She'd always dreamed to fly
To lush greens and rolling hills
And the warmth of summer's sigh

Little bird, the Little bird
She'd always dreamed to go
To dance with silk and satin
And say goodbye to snow

Little bird, the Little bird
She'd always dreamed to see
Her garden flowers in full bloom
While sipping her afternoon tea

Little bird, oh Little bird
If only you had known.
Now your wings are clipped, clipped, clipped
And your pretty mouth is sewn

Little bird, oh Little bird
It's not the hills that are rolling
But what was between his shoulders
And the sept bells are a-tolling

Little bird, oh Little bird
Even your Nest they've taken away
The Lions and Flowers are dancing now
Round and round their tasty prey

Little bird, my Little bird
When will you ever see
I will wait for you to howl again
And remember the Wolf you're meant to be
An ode to Sansa Stark

Winter is Coming,
And the wolves will come again.
Aug 2014 · 406
What Is a Child
Herman Nucleosis Aug 2014
Coffee tables and dinosaurs
Let her dream, let her sleep
What is a child that cannot weep

Russian dolls, broken glass
Let her think, let her lie
What is a child that cannot cry

Dusty windows and toy cars
Let her ask, let her fear
What is a child that sheds no tears

Her inner wars are buried deep
That is a child that cannot weep

Alone, she learns to wipe her eyes
That is a child that cannot cry

Heart is empty, face is clear
That is a child that has no tears
Dec 2013 · 412
When.
Herman Nucleosis Dec 2013
What I need, someone
Who tolerates the monster
And sees the beauty.
Oct 2013 · 855
If You Had Met Me First
Herman Nucleosis Oct 2013
Could it have been me
Free to see
Those eyelids close
So slowly
Like they're sleepy

Would it have been me
Free to brush
Your light hair
Like they're clouds
I've always wished
To feel

Could it have been me
Free to touch
Your face
Always ready for a smile

Would it have been me
Free to look
Into those eyes
That can see the beauty,
That can see so many

Could it have been me
Free to hold
The hand
That creates
Wonder from simplicity

Would it have been me
Free to hear
Your thoughts
And your innermost desires

Could it have been me
Free to experience
The colors
You fill your world with

Would it have been me
Free to bathe
In your silence
While you dream

Could it have been me
Free to wipe away
Your tears
Your fears
Your hesitations

Or would it not have mattered
Because you love her
Not because she came first
Into your life
But because
She is your perfection
And I cannot compare
And all I can do
Is love you
Quietly
Content
From afar
Nearly eight months later
Still having problems with would and could
Sep 2013 · 694
You Have Drained Me
Herman Nucleosis Sep 2013
You have drained me.

I gave you your cup
As is required
Expected
Of everyone.

I poured you your wine
It wasn't the best.
Who pours his best wine
For a stranger anyway?

But it was wine
And it was good
And it sustained you.

And you came to visit
Whenever you needed to.
All I wanted
Was your gratitude
But it was never there.

Now the bottle
Is empty.
You are finished.
Done.

There will be no more wine for you.
You have drained your cup.

You have drained me.
May 2013 · 1.0k
Mama
Herman Nucleosis May 2013
I know
That my first words
Were a music
To your ears

My first steps
Were your greatest achievement

My medals
Were your finest jewels

My tears
Were your greatest sorrow

But mama
I want to tell you
That your words
Were my first music

Your steps
Were the light in my road

My greatest achievement
Was making you happy

And your tears
I wish to wipe them all away

I love you so much
May 2013 · 777
Straight to paper
Herman Nucleosis May 2013
She was your epitome of everything good
The words she spoke were truth
Her arms were the fire
On a snowy storm

And though you didn't know it then,
She was the wall
She was the bridge
She was perfect

Now the words she speaks
Are echoes, broken tracks,
Old mixtapes.
You don't really listen anymore

The wall, your protector
Your shield, so strong
Now you think unnecessary
A burden, a divider

The bridge that led you places
Now leads you to the gloom
To the slums
To anywhere but the world

But you'd rather have them all,
You can't and won't tell her
But she's still
Your number one.

You're learning to fly
And you see you have
Differences, prolly irreconcilable
And you have to fly

But you're a homing pigeon aren't you?
The world may be full of wonder
But nothing's more wonderful
Than a mother's love

And maybe someday you'd tell her
Or maybe not, but just a hug
Which you rarely give
And you can be her little girl once again.
Happy mothers' day to my mama, and to every mom in the world.
Your love will never go unnoticed, though we may not tell you so.
Mar 2013 · 477
My Tears in Words
Herman Nucleosis Mar 2013
Silent steps
Then a moan of pain
And a stream of angry words.
Not again, you think
But it would seem
The phantom
is back.
Give up the sense of hearing
If only you'd never again hear them
Make that noise.
Cut the strings soon
But let them hang comfortably.
Would they prefer to be hanged together?
For the first time
In many years
He cried.
Because just when you think
The world is beautiful
You realize that
It's beautiful
In an ugly way.
Maybe you're not apathetic
Because it breaks you
to see her hurt.
to see him hurt.
to be hurt.
Mar 2013 · 1.1k
Will You Kill Me in My Sleep
Herman Nucleosis Mar 2013
Will you **** me in my sleep
When the stars are smiling, the moon bright
Will you **** me in my sleep
Where the breeze is cool and there's no light

Will you **** me in my sleep
Where my mother caresses me once again
Will you **** me in my sleep
Where joy and laughter have no end

Will you **** me in my sleep
Where I am still a lovely maid
Will you **** me in my sleep
Where I have work and still am paid

Will you **** me in my sleep
Where the world is full of color
Will you **** me in my sleep
Where you are my knight in shining armor

Will you **** me in my sleep
Where I roll in gold and jewels
Will you **** me in my sleep
Where together we hear church bells

Will you **** me in my sleep
Where all our dreams are true
Will you **** me in my sleep, my love
And afterward **** yourself too
Mar 2013 · 1.1k
Walls
Herman Nucleosis Mar 2013
You have your walls
To protect you from the outside
But what's the use of walls
When the enemy's inside?

Where the hand that hurts
Can be raised in the kitchen
Where the legs that kick strong
Walk with your children

Where the unstoppable big mouth
Talks endlessly of nonsense
Where limited points of view
Teach twisted, shallow lessons

Where broken bricks of self-defense
Channel your pains to others
And it's only a matter of time
Before the whipped becomes the whipper

Where the pleas of the heart
Are drowned by the radio
Where it's another place you dream of
And a time long, long ago

Where all hope for the future
Is lost with the winds
Where smiles are expensive
And cheap are the sins

Where you work yourself to sadness
So you can be happy someday
Where gold is high up in the hierarchy
Humility and patience easily thrown away

Where the big heavy rock
Is a simple hello
But as light as air
The flaws of your fellows

Where guns for protection
Are turned to your head
So what are walls now, do tell
I need them around my bed.
Mar 2013 · 632
I Break My Fast with Tears
Herman Nucleosis Mar 2013
It's tough holding on
It's tough trying to be selfless
It's tough acting as the glue
That holds all the broken pieces.

It's tough pretending each new day
It's like piling dirt on a corpse
Constantly resurfacing, never fully hidden
Until it's so high, this mound of yours.

But you can't parade a corpse in public
It's smelly. It's ugly. It's dead.
So grab that shovel and dig dig dig
Until your pretty hands are bled.
Mar 2013 · 333
What to Do
Herman Nucleosis Mar 2013
Tell me
How did we come to this

Shall I wake up
And see how,
As you smother me with a pillow,
The last of our love
Dies in your eyes.

Or shall I have a cup of dream wine
So I shall die
Dreaming of our love
How great it once was
And how it drove us to this point
Jan 2013 · 335
One of These Days (10w)
Herman Nucleosis Jan 2013
I will write a poem;
the story of my life.
Herman Nucleosis Jan 2013
I open the old, dusty attic window
Closed for so long, house of another Charlotte
And though it takes time, and the dust,
Still, I open the old, dusty attic window.

I had no plans on sneezing, no dust
will make me sneeze, is what I said
And I had time to spare, if there ever
was time to be nostalgic, it was this.

I open, open the old, dusty attic window
And see, through both black and white and
colored, simultaneously, I see the memories
Flashing back, like they weren't mine.

Are they real? Yes, they are. They just
don't feel like they come from me.
More like I'm audience inside me
Through the old, dusty attic window.

I play through the see-saw, and
slide down the slide, swing through
the swing, all the while with
different, many, many different people.

But she is the one I remember most.
She makes me sneeze, from the dust.
I should have known, and I sit
And watch the two of us, just the two of us.

How she would share the slide, and
push my swing with her might
And how I'd refuse to let her play
Just make her push me, and push.

How she'd be the tag, and look
and look for me, only to realize
That I have left her, have left
her counting, and hoping, and alone.

How I'd push her so she'd hurt
herself. How I'd almost push her so
she'd still get hurt anyway. How
she'd look up and smile and stand.

How she'd sometimes go quiet, some-
times go sad, though she'd never
really show, and still smile, and
push my swing and play with me.

How I'd turn my back when I think
she needed me most, and convince
myself that for some reason she
deserved it, to be alone.

And I wonder now, when I turned my
back, did she ever cry? Was I important
enough to have called to surface
The tears she so effectively can hide?

Did she love me enough that she
could endure? Or was I nothing so
she could shrug off the
bullyings that I did?

And I close the old, dusty attic window
Because she makes the dust make me sneeze.
And I still sneeze, because she always could,
Always, make the dust make me sneeze.

And now that she's in another playground
With more willing playmates who don't leave
Her alone in hide & seek, I wish to go
back and have her again.

And I think if I could have moved on
To the next playground with her, would
she still have played with me,
Although she is well-loved by others?

And I know (like I always have, only that I was
too selfish to acknowledge) that I have
hurt her, and she did not deserve
But still she stayed with me.

And I will always sneeze from her dust
Her way to remind me, my way to remind me
That for all the times she smiled, for all the times I
hurt her, I hurt myself more.
Jan 2013 · 552
The Feeling May Be Mutual
Herman Nucleosis Jan 2013
But, really, you have to remember
That they had as much choice
As you did when you
Had to get to work at six.

They might’ve wanted
Someone with a birthmark
Light-brown, heart-shaped,
Say, on the left arm.

They might prefer those
Straight teeth, white and all,
To go with a smile
Whenever you come and check.

I bet they would’ve chosen
A soft touch, warm and friendly
Not the only ones (you think)
You can provide, given the time.

And who knows, maybe they also
Sigh with relief when,
Come two o’clock, charts closed,
You take off your nurse’s cap.

— The End —